sickness

Same Same but Different

Every year, Bikram Yoga San Jose has a 60 day Challenge that starts in January. This year, I got into the Challenge reluctantly, knowing that there were three possible Asia trips in those 60 days. 

The teachers said "sign up and see how far you go. you never know". Well, they know me, alright! Once they put my name on that board (twice), it was not going to be easy to give up on the challenge. 

It was a torment. I would come back from a trip and look at my star stickers trailing behind the rest of the stars and "sigh" audibly before entering the class. My biggest challenge was accepting the possibility that I might not do 60 classes in 60 days. 

With a lot of encouragement from San and the kids as well as the teachers, and a lot of doubles (do two classes in one day, sometimes back to back) the stars all added up to 60! Finished the challenge and was off to catch a 12 hour flight. 

Given my sanity is constantly tested by a workload that fluctuates by the hour, working across multiple timezones to a point where I am constantly awake, the yoga has definitely helped me from going postal. 

This is not my first challenge. It is my third (fourth if you count the fact that MIL and me did 91 classses in our first 100 days of starting Bikram Yoga in 2011.. back then we did not know much about this Challenge).

Have written about this experience in 2013 and 2014. Went back to the blog and was missing the 2015 post. Looks like I did the usual graphs and charts, wrote about it and never hit the Publish button, thanks to fighting strange rashes that come with frequent travel?! right after the Challenge.

People call me a "technologist".. I am turning into a "technoyogist". What kind of technoyogi does a post on Yoga that involves counting to 60, without graphs and charts?! 

That kind of sums up the whole challenge. It was not steady progress like the previous two years. It was stop and go. Practiced 6 times between leaving work on Friday to coming back on Monday. My original thought was that I would be dead before Monday morning, but reality was something else. Went to work and felt great. So the number of classes you do over a weekend doesn't matter, as long as you hydrate and rest properly. Zico coconut water was and is my best friend now. If some day, I put a bar in the house for some strange reason, it will only have Zico on tap. 

Then came the surprise after the Challenge. Picked up some strange rash and most of March was a wash with work, with family and Yoga. My extended family often challenged me with things like "you do all this yoga and still get sick. maybe it is the yoga!" .. friends were talking about "yoga overdose".. and once the jokes and jibes start, the hits just keep on coming.

Doing yoga does not make you invincible. It helps you optimize your strength vs. flexibilty, makes sure your hormone glands are all firing right, and helps with your immunity so your body can fight things better. My auto immune disorder and allergies are known to everyone close to me. You bring me close to a range of things like dogs,  cats, sesame seeds, peanuts, chinese juniper, shellfish (and a long list of things) and I can go from normal to strugling in a few seconds. My body probably did a better job fighting the rash, thanks to Yoga. 

Can I prove it? No. Can I disprove it? again, No.  The Yogis in the Himalayas had a much better deal than me, because they didn't have to share recirculated air in a tin can with 400 people for 12-14 hours on a regular basis.  This was like wearing a bullet proof vest and walking into a war zone. Chances are you still get shot in the face. 

The same thing applies to the sudden outburst of emotion when I am on a call and one of my kids screams in the background. Just because you do Yoga, doesn't mean you become a stoic overnight or you become a stoic ever. There is nothing wrong with going from zero to angry in 4 seconds. What is important is how long does it take you to come from Angry to zero? if you can do it in three deep breaths with 6 seconds in and 6 seconds out (24 seconds) you got me beat. That is my bench mark today. It takes me 24 seconds (20 sometimes) to calm down from anything. That is all thanks to Yoga.

The weight tracking after every yoga class is still on. Somehow I have either put on a good 10 pounds between July to December of 2014 or the battery change in the weighing scale has reset the calibration! Will post this graph at the end of 2015 and see what it shows. Right now the weight is more or less steady at 145 +/- 2 lbs. 

Why do this Challenge at all?

Is it to feed the type A personality trait?

Is it some kind of death wish?

Is there any difference that I noticed after the 2nd and 3rd challenge ?

What did I gain by doing this?  

Did I even enjoy doing this?

Those were the most common questions I got in water cooler conversations or at kids birthday parties when the guys or ladies are talking about my Yoga experience.

So here are some answers.

The first time I did the challenge, it was purely a "type A" thing. No shame in admitting it. Everyone at the studio was going "ooh" and "aah" about how great this experience was and someone mentioned that this is "not easy" and "not everyone can do it". Well, "I am not everyone" was the theme in my life at that time.. (okay, it is a repeating theme) and we went. (we = me and my mother in law, who is a type A+ personality, who encouraged me to do it. As my only "local parent", she did the right thing and I am forever grateful to her for doing that).

When the challenge was done though, it was a humbling experience, not a power trip. It put a lot of things in perspective. One can accomplish a lot at work and home, but how far can you push your body, within a two feet by six feet space, that we call a yoga mat? Once you do the same thing regularly and continuously, your body kind of starts remembering things and you start seeing changes. I always thought this concept of "muscle memory" was a bunch of bull. I was wrong! My abs never looked better than after that 60 days. 

The second time, I signed up, because January to March is Flu season here. The previous year, I had successfully managed to evade the flu, in spite of everyone in the house having it. Thought of the Challenge as a flu beater and it did help. My work was crazy in 2014 and at the time and the challenge kept me sane.

This time the learning was different. No two challenges are alike. Different year, different set of issues that have to be overcome. Also realized that poses that were not favorites the previous year, became my "look forward to" poses in the next year and vice versa.  It just shows how your body changes over time. At the end of this challenge I really wanted to ask my teacher if she will write me a recommendation for teacher training. My family and collegues nicely reminded me of my commitments, and I put that wish in the "after this job is done" list.

This year, it was probably a type A thing as well. I was fighting with myself and I won. Could not accept the thought of not finishing after signing up. Do not know if that is a good or bad thing. Sometimes I do not like the me, that stares back from the mirror. Do not understand why it is acceptance of that person that I seek, instead of a determined fight to change that person. Maybe that is the first step to eventually changing?

If you have done the challenge multiple times, the biggest changes you will see, are with your breath and your thought process. The poses are not going to magically improve because you do the challenge. Not in depth anyways. Your form will improve but that is something I have learnt to cherish only after many a teacher has knocked it into my pig head that "form is more important than depth". Even today, the teacher told us "going 90 miles per hour into a ditch is not the goal here. Going straight and steady at 35 miles per hour will still get you places".

If you are doing this challenge for the 2nd or 3rd or n-th time, chances are, you are a regular, and every day is a challenge for you. Still, you get to literally see your body change radically over a two month timeframe. Your core strength improves by orders of magnitude!

However, if you have just started on this journey, it is quite a treat to go through this experience. You WILL see changes with your body and your mind. 

The last question always puts a smile on my face. Do you enjoy doing this? That is a tough one. In all honesty, every class, no matter weather the starting state was one of euphoria or depresssion, ends the same way. I come out singing inside my hear in Gloria Gaynor's voice "and I .. I will survive.. and I survived that 90 minutes of fighting, with my body and my mind".

Not sure if anyone in that room actually "enjoys" it while the class is going on. Mostly folks stare at themselves with a frustrated, constipated or angry face except when the teachers crack a joke or remind people to smile. There are three ladies who are an exception to this. They always have a smile on their face. Either they are seasoned pro's, or air hostesses who cannot undo their smiles. Those are my theories.

Every Yoga class is like making mysore pak for me.  It takes forever to make it and you sweat it out in the kitchen, standing in front of a hot stove, but when you taste the sweet after it is done, it was all worth the effort! Walking back to the car after class, looking up at the sky, smelling the cold air (it is usually cold compared to the hot room) and driving back in silence knowing you are better off today than yesterday, always makes the hard work in the class, worth it.

Definitely recommend trying a Challenge. There is a good chance that you will surprise yourself with what you find out about your own abilities! 

The backrash

It has been some time since I posted anything. It has been a busy week, trying to recover at home, at work, trying to claw my way back to a new normal.

The doctors realized that without antibiotics, my situation was not going to improve but there was the allergic reactions to deal with. So they gave me a different antibiotic and that helped take out all other problems except the rash.

For the first time in three weeks, went to work Monday through Friday and made it ! Also did the usual daddy stuff at home without dozing off in the evenings! So it has been a good week. 

The only thing that bugs me is that my skin which was the envy of Jr. and the little one is now unrecognizable. They used to touch my shoulder or forearms and say "daddy, your skin is so smooth and shiny!" and my response used to be "hey, do you know how much I have sweat through that skin to get it so smooth and shiny? you know what to do if you want to have the same thing!"  

Right now, the front and sides are past the itch and have scabed over. The lower back and all around the belt area is still in bad shape. 

Apparently rubbing your hand over this area feels like petting a lizard or a baby crocodile.  The doctors tell me that this might take another MONTH to get over. I am just praying that it stops itching. Croc skin, no problem. I don't see crocs itching and scratching themselves all day long.

On the bright side, I went to BYSJ and asked my teacher "do you think people will object if I come to yoga class looking like this?" and the response was "It is so sweet of you to check. Folks come here with all kinds of tattoos.. think of this as a tattoo and just come and do your best. worse case just sit down in the room for 90 minutes"

Planning to start from scratch, again, tomorrow.

"It's never too late, it's never too bad and you're never too old or too sick to start from scratch once again."

What bugs me is that after being so fresh and healthy and doing a 60 day challenge and feeling like a well oiled piece of machinery, a few sick folks on a plane and a few small micro organisms can reduce me to this and I have to start from scratch.

Take a deep breath in, deep breath out.. repeat a few times.. 

Now time to move on.

Perspectives

Another hospital visit, this time with San chauffering me. We go to the reception desk and the lady gives me a mask to wear. I give her a look and she goes "don't you have rashes?" 

Did not respond to her. She wet wiped the pen I used to sign the credit card bill. I smiled inside. Then came the kicker. Please go to that railing and stand there.

Me : I am very tired and drowsy. Can I just sit in one of these chairs? The doc told me day before yesterday that this is not contagious

Rec: The folks here don't know that. Also because you have rashes a nurse will be right out to get you to a room. 

After waiting near the rails for a good 5 minutes and watching two more people go in, I just sit cross legged on the floor near the railing. Realizing my trouble the receptionist was nice. She got out of her pen and took me inside and said "sorry. I thought they will be faster". 

Then comes a nurse. I go to get my blood pressure checked and remove my jacket. She gets a look at my arm and starts scratching her face. 

Me : What happened?

Nurse : Sorry. Just looking at your arm makes me itch! I don't know why!

For a second my mind just went ballistic on her. Do you have any freaking idea woman that the only thing I want to do right now is to remove my shirt and go rub myself against that opposite textured wall that looks like sand paper? Do you have any idea that I am using all those years of shavasana training just to sit still here? I actually "want".. NO NO NO "need" to itch right now and you are doing it just by looking at me?

How will this woman ever survive J's class is she were to take it, without getting a lecture on "want" vs. "need" when it comes to itching and scratching? the mind was wandering off. 

I took a deep breath in and a deep breath out. The world was not fair and hey, it never claimed to be, so what the hell?

She found a way to carefully place the blood pressure monitor sensor out of a rash and took my pressure. Was expecting to see a reading of zillion / zero. It actually read 104/60. Somehow all those things that were going on in the head, I had not taken to heart. It was nice to know.

Again, she said sorry as she meticulously wet wiped the sensor they put in your fingertip and the pressure equipment. I mumbled something to the effect of "it is okay" and "you know they tell me it is not contagious, but everything you guys keep doing tells me otherwise" . She said "we do it as a habit when we see rashes"

Then while sitting in the room the thought of what these nurses and receptionists and doctors go through in their line of work just hit me. 

Here I am thinking of becoming an anti social simply to avoid contact with strangers in planes and airport lounges to minimize picking up new germs when they go in the exact opposite direction knowing the risks? Can I blame them for wiping everything?

These people put their lives at risk day in and day out dealing with body fluids that are known contaminated for the most part and one mistake could cost them and the odds of that mistake happening are much higher in a hospital than in an United flight. (okay, maybe that last one needs to be really investigated, but let's assume United planes have less sick individuals than hospitals for now, okay?)

One thing that made it through my thick head was that my tendency to judge quickly based on what I saw has not changed or improved. I still judge.. but 9/10 times these days I go back and re-evaluate my stand and am okay to stand corrected within a few seconds or minutes. It would be nice to not judge instantly, but that has been me for 40+ years, so it will take time to change that habbit. 

On the way out, did make it a point to thank each and everyone of the folks who helped me. That was a few days ago.

The last few days have been muddling through work, taking phone calls at home and no driving. Walking in the backyard with no shirt on exposing the glorious rashes to Ra for him to do the rest. Seriously they told me that 5-10 minutes of direct sunlight will help. 

This morning was tough. I had chills all last night and my body was aching so bad that I took a day off of work and went back to bed. When I woke up, it was almost 3PM. Had slept through the entire day from 10PM to 3PM skipping breakfast and lunch. 

Took a shower, did the sunlight thing and put on some more ointments and checked my mail.. and that brings to the second perspective. There were four people who were suggesting that this was an insect bite and six suggesting that I should stop doing Bikram Yoga immediately as it was probably the root cause of all problems. These are all people who are family and very close friends.

The doctors are saying that this is most likely a case of "pityreasis rosea" where the cause is a virus or it is an amoxycillin reaction. They told me that heat will make the rashes more obvious and it is good to not overheat and take warm water showers instead of hot water showers. But they also tell me that Bikram yoga cannot cause this. It can only make the rashes look more purple.

Telling my family and friends that "Bikram yoga is good for you" (exception is wife, MIL and kids)  is like going to a Fox news show and saying "Islam is a peaceful religion"!  Recently in one of those United lounge conversations a guy tells me "Terrorism is in the muslim religion itself!". I was just taken aback. Simply did not know how to react to it. Here is a devout Christian telling a not so devout Hindu that Islam is synonymous with terrorism and I don't have a witty comeback.

Most of the folks who have never set foot in a hot room have an opinion on Bikram Yoga from the media? It is usually opinions, not facts. "If this is what I perceive and I am in the media, it has to be true.. because I am on TV and you are on your couch".. well that seems to be the trend these days.

Have never been a Muslim so I have no right to make a judgement call on the religion, but we do have muslim friends and families who are just like us. Hardworking, sincere, family men and women who go about their day. Some go pray every friday and some don't. Their kids are as normal as ours from every view point. There are definitely data points that tell me that the "all muslims are violent" statement is false.  

Incidentally, it was my 4 year anniversary and I was "itching" to go do Yoga to commemorate, but all I ended up doing was itch. It was depressing. Have written so many posts on my experience with Bikram Yoga over the last 4 years. 

My family and friends sometimes don't see why I love it so much. It is not possible for everyone to experience every religion before making statements on it. One can only hope that all good religions teach the message of understanding and eventually transcending religion to see the god within oneself and others is the final step for religious graduation. 

Same thing for Yoga. I cannot make everyone go experience the hot room and then make up their mind. Tried that and realized that not everyone can see the value of sweating it out for 90 minutes with a bunch of strangers in front of a mirror.

San did try it after my MIL and me repeatedly asked her to try and after 30 classes she said "It is a great feeling after the class finishes, but I simply cannot handle the smell Sundar! I have no idea how you do it, but it is not for me. You go as much as you want, but don't ask me to join you!"  Now that is a sense of realism that I can handle. She is a better person than me for cutting to the chase and saying "if it works for you great. go for it"

The kids used to come for the family class (warm room instead of hot) and loved it. The minute Jr. came to the adult class she stopped after 4 classes. Her reason? "Daddy, I am practically on the floor after the warm up. The teacher told me that my blood pressure is not same as adults so I will feel dizzy. I feel bad sitting down when others are trying so hard all around me. Don't want to be a spoil sport". When she comes up with something like that in all sincereity, I said "fine, do your one mile run every day. maybe you can come try with me in a few years"

The little one nonchalantly states "you know I can TOTALLY do it if I want to.. I really CAN! It is just that I DON'T want to do it!" . Personally the little one is ready for everything and nothing at the same time. She is going to kill me sooner or later in just trying to figure her out.

In all this drowsiness, I read a message that said "by the way, the guy who started the yoga you do, is being arrested for something or other. maybe you should seriously rethink going to this yoga". That is when I closed one browser window, opened another and started typing this post. 

Having never met Bikram and knowing him only though the Yoga routine he has passed on, if someday I meet him, the only words I will have for him are "THANK YOU!" and it will be in a much bigger font than that.

There is no way I can judge him for anything else other than this routine, which is sheer brilliance.