Some profound realizations

This year I have had more hospital check-ins than the last 7 years combined. Maybe age is a factor like some are pointing out. Maybe the SaniMahadasa (Saturn influence) is a factor like some others are saying. Then there is just the activities like hectic travel and hiking gravel paths down mountain slopes which are factors.

No matter what the cause or the interpretive diagnosis from X-rays, MRI’s etc. the bottom line is that I am not yet walking normally at a brisk pace, unable to climb stairs, let alone hike up hills and mountains and not easily sit cross legged on a daily basis.

The physiotherapists are helping. I am doing wood pecker and clam shell poses instead of eagles and locusts.. flight related yoga references have changed to more grounded things.. That irony is not lost on me!

Apparently I have toned muscles, but not enough of them and unless I start doing some weights and get more protein and get muscle gain (after the knee is repaired with ice, heat, ibuprofen, rest, physio for next two weeks) things will not improve. Also noted.. amazing core strength inspite of not having enough muscle. Guess that is thanks to years of yoga. Supposed to use that core strength to help build other muscles. Time will tell. I take the student part very seriously and try to make my teachers proud. Hope my physios at Kaiser will be proud of my effort.

Last week I did get a “talking”. The previous week they had asked me to do 7 sets once of a bunch of exercises. I misheard it and didn’t read the printout fully. Only used the pictures in the printouts to remember the exercise sequence and did 7 sets of 7 reps each.. was doing it every 2 hours from 7AM to 7PM. More physio doesnt mean faster recovery. Might have made it worse. Doing those once a day didn’t seem to be much of exercise, so I was surprised. Turns out things are supposed to be progressing slowly.

“Slow” - a word that doesn’t exist in my dictionary (you can read that like a Gabtun dialogue). Now I have reconciled to this word. Progress is being made. I am able to walk better now without pain for longer times and have no swelling.

The only challenge is to sit on the floor. Did Amavasai tharpanam and sent the usual photo to my mom after doing tharpanam. That is my way of telling her it was done. I did smile without wincing today. Managed to sit on the floor for an hour. Was not easy to do a namaskaram and get up but it was not bad.

Now coming to the profound realization.. We live in a very complex polarized geo political world.

Thanks to sweeping generalizations that if you stand for A in issue 1, you automatically stand for B in issue 2 etc. type logic. I see Desis, Jewish friends, Israelis, White friends, black friends, Brahmin friends, women friends, yoga buddies, everyone caught in these false logic traps. Silence is not acceptance in a digital world where everything you say is being used against you on an immediate basis. That is one realization. Folks who are very vocal are usually the least knowledgeable on what they are vocal about. That is another realization. AI Algos are definitely not being used to create truthful summaries. They are being used more to obfuscate the truth.

Then there was yet another realization. After coming back from India, have been using the Tharpanam book to do offerings to dad and all ancestors on every new moon day and other special days. Wanted to understand the procedure and meaning behind what I was doing. Our Vaadhyaar in India said “indha kaalaththula ellam onlinela irukkunnaa! onnukku rendu article cross refer panni paarungo!” Clearly he was on the side of online education in the. interest of time. So I did do that search in June.

When we finally do the offering of water with the darbai grass which features in all prominent rituals. We also offer sesame seeds with the water (for a person allergic to sesame seeds, I find that also interesting) .

We recite:

Eshaam (those) na (no) maathaa(mother) na(no) pitha(father) na(no) brathaa(brother) na(no) cha bandhavaah (and relatives)

they sarve (them all) thrupthi(fulfilment) mayaanthu(may they satisfy) mayoth(offered by me, poured out by me) srushtaihi kusodhahai (water mixed with a specific grass)

The idea is that I am not just offering it to my dad and all the dearly departed on both sides of the family, but also offering this to anyone who does not have folks who can do this offering for them. This is the equivalent of a hospital not turning back anyone because they don’t have insurance. We all take care of each other, as not everyone has someone to fall back on.

This is the ultimate realization of “all for one and one for all”, or “no one left behind”, even when offering rites to satisfy dead souls. “Vedic rituals had socialism built into it” It is one interpretation by me. This will immediately get a visceral reaction from capitalist friends who might object to their tharpanam going to dead people they still hold a grudge against and might add an exception list. Everything is possible in Kali kaalam.

There was good in this world and there will continue to be. That was the last realization. The only thing my dad kept asking me over and over again on every visit to India was “enakku kaariyam ellam oru koraiyum vekkaama pannuviyonno?” (promise me you will do all the last rites for me without taking any shortcuts). He was a stickler for details and knowing me the way he did, I was offended by him even asking me that. My mom would smile everytime I would say “Ellam pannuven BR. Don’t worry!”. Once we go, we are gone, hopefully to a much better place far far away and our destiny shouldn’t be gated by what our progeny does for us after the fact. It should be decided by what we did when we were alive. However, I do for my father what he wanted and I did promise him with all my heart.

I have no sons and don’t plan on extracting any promise from anyone to do any last rites for me. Hopefully I do enough good while alive that my afterlife is not gated by what someone else has to do on my behalf.

Then again, there are enough people doing this tharpanam for their ancestors and they got me covered, in case my belief system has gaping holes!

After all, what do I know about the afterlife?

Hardest 60 day challenge to date

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you would know that I used to do the 60 day challenge every winter and some years, given travel schedules, sign up to do the summer challenge as well at Bikram Yoga San Jose.

The challenge is to do 60 classes in 60 days. If you miss a day, you do a double on another day. That is two classes in one day to make up for it. It is called a challenge as your body and mind tell you to give up after day 40 or so.

This is the post about my 21st attempt at this challenge over the years and my 19th time finishing successfully!

In late June, I went on a biz trip and came home with a kidney infection. Was hospitalized and was allowed to do normal things only on 7th July. Even then I was not fully back to my old self. Had lost 11 lbs during this ordeal and was still hitting the restroom every two hours to pee.

My wife knew that I measured my “being normal” with my being able to do yoga on any given day. If I could do yoga, was good for the next 22 hours. If not, something is off and needs to be fixed. That has been the benchmark for a long time. She signed me up for the 60 day challenge this time. I was planning to skip it. We can sign up any day between 1st and 14th of July and finish 60 days from our start date. Usually don’t sign up if I don’t see a possibility of finishing. However, my name was on the board. So I started going to class with her on the 11th and kept going. The Yoga and the hot room always heal and this time was. no different. Within a week I was better physically and mentally. Then came the hike to Mt. Dana. I missed three days. Managed to do doubles the following weekend to make up for it and all was well.

Then out of nowhere, my right knee started swelling. Had to go to the hospital. Fluid was drained, a steroid shot was given, not much specifics on identifying the root cause. Was asked to go do usual stuff like rest, ice, elevate compress, alternate heat and cold etc.. Based on the detailed tests it was a meniscus tear that did not need surgery. Sat at home for 4 more days with the ice water circulating machine.

Hot yoga room heats you all over, not just the knee. Given I was 3/4th of the way to finishing the challenge, went and did what I could without having any lateral knee movement. I was still going to office, driving (which made it worse), avoid staircases(except for a fire drill at work that made things much worse) and the hot room actually helped me deal with things mentally and physically to keep going.

There is a saying in Tamil “Saaga pozhudhu irundhaalum vega pozhudhu illai!” which translates to “even if you find the time to die, you don’t time to burn in the cremation pyre”. A thing that says you are “that busy”! It felt like that for the last 12 days of the challenge. Fortunately there was the labor day weekend to wrap things up and rest. The challenge was done!

There is a lot to learn about yourself (body and mind) in every challenge. This was no different. You can see the end of the video for what is possible.

At one point San told me to stop the challenge by saying “I asked you to start it. I am asking you to stop it!”. Did not have the heart to tell her that she has just become like my mom. Reminded me of my mom saying “I asked you to go to the US. Now I am asking you to come back!” . This after being married, having two kids and a job and set life here. 50+ days into a challenge you just can’t wind it down and call it quits. Used to be the poster boy for BYSJ, recently the posters changed and the new ones are awesome.! The baton has been passed to some of my Yoga peeps. Folks were making jokes that “maybe it is a sign from above to stop the challenge”. Every tool in the emotional toolkit was tried to make me stop this, but I finished. Have been on a break from yoga for 10 days now and things only got worse now.

Will see if something is actually damaged and follow up on how to heal. San treated me to a “challenge finish lunch” at Bhimas. Usually it is Aaloo paratha at Chaat House right after the challenge party. This time, it was a lunch treat!

San is my biggest supporter and she is always right. It takes me time to realize that sometimes. Eventually I come around. Her theory is that I have something torn or broken and it is not diagnosed yet. So till I get it understood, I should be very careful. That I am taking to heart. This challenge is all her!

Have told her that 20 is a round number. Maybe after the next challenge, I will not sign up every year.

Here are some pictures..

San made it look like I am eating a 2 foot poori.. it is a small poori!

This banner has been replaced by new really good ones which show the community. There used to be a sense of added responsibility when this was there. I would never sit down during triangle pose. Still don’t. Now I give the new poster boys a hard time telling them “they should not skip the poses they are doing on the wall”.

here is the video of the speech

Have said this before and will say it again.

In today’s world keeping your immune system and having the ability to heal yourself after any injury or ailment is important, given the cost and quaiity of medical care. We have to give our doctors also something to work with and that comes from within.

Yoga helps you do that.

Hot yoga is even better. The heat and humidity make it safer to stretch.

Doing yoga regularly is good.

Having a continuous practice where you come day after day is even better for a lot of reasons (you can read all those old 60 day challenge posts over the years in this blog alone).

If you haven’t done a challenge try it. if you did and were not able to finish, sign up for the next one and finish. if you did do the challenge and finish, sign up again to learn something new about yourself!

This challenge is dedicated to San. She is my rock! Also a big thanks to BYSJ, all my teachers and fellow students for keeping this going!

Gateway to heaven - Haridwar

The previous post in this series is here..

We had seen Kedarnath in the morning and Badrinath in the evening on day 5 of the Chardham trip (we had a washout fourth day).

The next morning we had to make it to Dehradun. It was our extra buffer day per the travel company but our plan was to go see Haridwar and Rishikesh also (we were not going to come to these parts in a long time, maybe never given our travel and vacation schedules and age!). We were at the Helipad bright and early. However the helicopter did not land.. they came into the valley and turned around. There was black smoke from some forest fire nearby which made flying dangerous.

Again we had to beg the flight co-ordinator along with a bunch of other folks stranded at the helipad. They took us back to Phata and then from Phata to Dehradun. We had to wait for refueling at Phata but all was well. We were to be in Dehradun by 9AM. We made it at 10:30 or so. We had the Thumby folks pick us up from the Sahasradhara helipad and take us to the hotel where our luggage was in cloak room. We were met by the coordinator who thanked us for putting up with the issues and gave us a parting gift (water from all four sites in bottles and a rudraksh necklace). We took it packed it and loaded all our stuff into the trunk of the van my FIl had arranged for the day.

The driver was nice. We told him we wanted to go to Haridwar, then Rishikesh. We were going to spend the night there and leave for the airport the following morning. He said he will do his best.

We were hungry on the way to Haridwar and stopped at a Punjabi Dhaba. The food was divine. My stomach enlarged a few sizes after that meal as it will be obvious from the photos..

Then we were off to Haridwar. There were three places to see. Two devi temples on either side of the freeway which both needed a ropeway ride to go to the top. He told us we might make it through one if lucky. The other must visit place was Hari ki Pauri or the gateway to heaven. the place where the river ganges comes from the mountains and gets to flat terrain. The water flow is very high but they have built nice steps for the thousands of pilgrims to take a dip here.

First we went to the Chandi devi temple. It was well organized. A ropeway to take us up 2000 feet in 7 minutes. A short hike from there to the temple. Then wait for the next ropeway to come down. Wait on either side was 40 minutes which was not bad. Once we made it down, it was extremely hot. This temple told us that the ropeway ticketing for the other temple was closed. There was no point in going there. So we saw the other temple from the freeway and said a prayer and drove on to Hari ki Pauri.

Our driver said “this is the second step to heaven”. My MIL innocently asked “where is the first step? can we go to that too?” and he said “maa ji. First step is heaven itself !!” . We all had a good laugh and made our way to the river. It was extremely crowded but we found a gap to take three dips (me and MIL).

There are two types of people in the world. When someone says “take a dip in this water. Mythology has it that if you take three dips here, heaven is guaranteed!” , some will say “let me get a towel”. Others will say “that damn thing looks too dirty compared to a common sewer. Maybe the germs there will get you to heaven sooner than you want?! I will pass”.. MIL and me are the first type. San and FIL are the second. The towel I got in Gangothri came in very handy!

San and FIL just set foot in the water and sprinkled some water on their forehead. Then we got back to the van and were off to Rishikesh. There was a chance to see Ganga aarthi in Haridwar or Rishikesh. Given our tiredness levels, we just told him to drive to Rishikesh… so we could catch a break and sit down for sometime.

Here are the photos from this leg starting with the morning in Badrinath. Our hotel in Badrinath was also very nice. Photos from this leg..

and a video highlight reel ..

Irony is a terrible thing. Before leaving Chennai for this trip my mom told me that there is going to be some planetary changes end of May early June that will take me to “vera level”. Then there was this Hari ki Pauri dip which was supposed to give me a lot of good as was that tharpanam for dad on Ganga Dusshera.

I landed back in US on June 2nd and my life has taken a nasty turn with multiple hospital visits first for the infection, then for a swollen knee and a lot of sleep deprivation in general and its associated side effects, an abysmal yoga attendance and other exercise by my standards.. if “vera level” is this, I shudder to think what the alternative was!!! At this point just happy to exist.

Will post about Rishikesh next..