A graduation to remember - Jr.' finishes her Masters

Jr’s (we still refer to her as Junior in this blog after 20 years) graduation was a highly anticipated and planned event. My in-laws were going to join us a few days before and there was a trip to Great sand Dunes National park etc. My dad’s passing changed everything. My in-laws did fly here and spend a few days with Jr. while we were performing last rites in India.

We flew in from India the previous evening and I flew out first flight to Irvine the next morning for the gowning ceremony. San drove a good 7+ hours with her parents with jet lag. I was still in a daze from the India visit. My voice was gone. it was like being in a twilight zone not being able to place feelings or facial expressions appropriately. The little one was going to drive two hours from her college right after finishing her last exam to be there for the gowning ceremony. However she got stuck in traffic and did not make it in time. So it was just me and the kid at the department function.

Got to talk to two of her professors. They were resilient given where the country was going with respect to health policy. Health expertise they said was going to be much needed given the times we live in. By the time the ceremony finished the little one joined us and we went to the hotel. San and her parents had also made it.

We got a short break, and went back to the stadium for the big graduation ceremony. It was a circus with parking, seating, everything. It was not easy for my in-laws to walk that much in a rush to make it on time.

Was glad to see the kid walk the stage! Was asking her to do a Ph.D but she smiled and declined politely. Said she wanted to get hands on experience in the real world. We all wished her well.

We were fortunate to have a dinner with my classmate and his family before driving out of UCI. They were her local guardians. We also got blessings from his in-laws who were celebrating their Sadabishegham.

The kids just drove off together. The oldies stayed back in the hotel and drove the next morning to Santa Barbara to show them the little one’s college. She gave us a quick tour and we all drove back. It was our wedding anniversary.

We did have a bittersweet wedding day and Father’s day celebration. The kids declared that “your dad is not there.. ours is right here. so stop moping, smile and come for lunch with us”. My facial expressions were all off that weekend. Looking at the pictures I look like that kathakali artist who could display happiness on one half of his face and sadness on the other.

There were good moments in summer. Just getting to blog about it and clear my iPhone. Next year we hope to celebrate the little one finishing her undergrad!

Here is a video clip (including the one the university sent us at the end of the video)..

Time is a great healer!

A fond farewell

This blog has not seen a post since May 26th. It has been a 100 days. I simply could not get back to writing.

My dad passed on 29th of May. After going to India and participating in his last rites, something has left me. Do not know what it is. That 10+ days of going through rituals has left some unexplainable void.

There are a lot of things to write about. Lots of songs to sing. Somehow could not get back to doing things I do normally with the same ease. The only saving grace was yoga. Somehow knew that going to a hot and humid room and spending 90 minutes without making any external sound, will help silence my inner voice and bring me much needed calm, and it did. Kept doing yoga as much as possible.

One of my Smule group friends threw a party to introduce his son and new daugher-in-law after the marriage. Many from the group had planned to sing at this meet and greet. Did not sign up, but once there, my friends pulled me in to sing and I did enjoy that moment. Somehow after coming home after the event, went back into a funk.

Work kept me very busy. A young co-worker ended up sick right after I came back and that left another lump in my throat. Kept all my focus on just work and yoga. The writing and singing, taking pictures and hiking went sideways.

Then came the long weekend and we went on a trip as a family. This might have been the one chance to go as a family given the kids are adults now and their schedules are no longer under our control. It was a good week spent but still took me some time, to just log back into the blog site.

This is my online farewell to my dad. I have to write about the man and his influence or the buffer block won’t clear in my head.

Here is to

Shri Hariharan Narayanan of Pudukkottai, Chennai

1939-2025

My dad lost his mom at a very young age and that pretty much left a scar that carried through his life. He got married late and had kids late. He was extremely intelligent and smart. Had a phenomenal memory and ability to connect dots. He was also an emotional idiot with a penchant to romanticize tragedy and nostalgia.

His only bad trait was a short temper, a blown fuse that took its toll on me as a kid. Still when there was a time when no one stood by me, he was there for me. He was always the contrast to everything I looked up to in my grandpa. My grandpa was the biggest influence in my life. I always credit him for my value system, but my dad was there to shape it without intending to. Years later when my dad spent almost 6 months with us, I actually realized there were a lot of things that were common between my grandpa and my dad.

Then there is my reflection in the mirror, the things I do, my fear of going through Parkinson’s… which constantly remind me of him.

There were times I had a love hate relationship with who I was, who I am, but somethings I have not given up, like wearing my poonal, no matter what.. because he wanted me to wear it till I die, so sandyavandanam, change it once a year, so one day perform his last rites, give my daughters hand in marriage (in his eyes it was part of a rite of passage). He being who he was from a different time, was still talking to me about his sadness at me not having a son when I was already 50 and old enough to start thinking of becoming a grandpa myself. Over the years it used to annoy me, but as I matured, learned to laugh it off. There was no changing either one of us on certain things.

He mellowed out as he aged. It was easier to interact with him as the years passed. Not sure how much of that is a reflection of either one of us becoming more accepting. Maybe both of us!

As I write this, I can feel him right here next to me, reading this over my shoulder and suggesting edits, telling me I could do better than this. Wanted to write a fond farewell, only to realize there is no saying bye to someone who is a part of me.

He is definitely wishing me well from wherever he is.

Time is supposed to move things along and even if you sense a tinge of sadness in my writing and singing and overall mood, this too shall pass. We are seeing a steady improvement in my social interactivity coefficient already in 3 months. Maybe in another three months, will be back to being my usual self.

Here is to …

A weekend getaway with friends to Bodega Bay

For over 20 years we have wanted to visit Bodega bay. An old friend and colleague Kevin kept raving about this place after spending a weekend there with his wife. The opportunity never came. In early April, our friends called us to join them for a weekend at Windor (same area). They had access to a timeshare. We drove the two plus hours on a rainy Friday evening to Windsor. It was a cute apartment. Even if we did not go anywhere outside and were just chatting it would have still been a great weekend.

The trips to Bodega bay, the local estuary walk, telling them about the bench photo tradition, lunch at a Nepalese place in Sebastapol, visiting Healdsburg, spending time at a bookstore there followed by some delicious ice cream, walking in the rain and drizzle through the streets and art galleries there… all of that was just extra. Every family has a crazy person and a sane person.. you would have come to that conclusion if all our conversations were overheard.

We had fun!

More pics.. The late lunch at Namaste Kitchen was delicious! The ice cream and hot cocoa on a rainy afternoon at Noble folks in Healdsburg was out of the world!

Walking in Sebastopol on Florence avenue to admire the junk art was a great exprience. We met Patrick Amiot and thanked him for his creations!

while walking around the place we saw a very real reminder of current events.

A video highlights reel..

We are all getting to a different phase of our lives with the kids becoming young adults. It is great to feel young again.. only friends can do that with effortless ease!

Here is to many more getaways! The kids are probably rolling their eyes as they read this.. but will take that!