On Sunday, an experienced and expert Yoga teacher, Mary Jarvis was to visit Bikram Yoga San Jose and teach a class at 10AM followed by a special posture clinic class from Noon to 4 PM... at least that was the plan.
She did come and the regular 90 minute class at 10AM went till 1:15. Almost everyone in the room just stayed the entire time trying to grasp every little detail of what she said. She chose her words carefully and she gave us perspective on the Yoga practice itself. It was a window to what was possible and why. The how of it was secondary. It was personalized depending on the student and the day and time of class, a function of everything else in their mind and life.. but she was not going to judge us as long as we tried.
We got a 15 minute break and continued. There have been a few special classes over the years as part of practicing Yoga that helped improve the practice and produce light bulb moments. This class was up there on that list.
At this point everything in class looks like "BM" and "AM" .. Before Mary and after Mary, which is why I call it a new marker on the Yoga journey.
Since Sunday I have been in three classes including tonight and I started thinking of some little things first.
1. No fidgeting in class. You stay still in the pose and in between poses. Apparently she ate flies that sat on her face just to avoid fidgeting. Her teacher(Bikram) threw her out of class for fidgeting in between poses.
2. No water during the class. If you breathe through the class, you don't need water (her words, not mine). Apparently there were no water bottles allowed in the days she learned yoga and in her studio she asks teachers to lead by example. However she doesn't insist on students giving it up but asks them to try.
3. 4. 5. ... 655.. the rest can wait. I was going to try 1 and 2 first.
First class AM, too much fidgeting but at least I was conscious of it. Also avoided water till half way point when we got to the floor series.
Second class AM, 3 fidgets and they were pre-meditated. There were many that were subconcsious but didn't know it. Also almost made it without water for 80/90 minutes. Just before we went to the final stretching pose I caved. Went for the water bottle.
Today was class 3. I did not fidget knowing it. There were 6 instances where subconsciously my hand was going to my forehead to clear sweat and every time my hand went up, brought the other hand up to do a Namaste in front of the mirror. I am sure the folks around me were thinking "what a narcissistic asshole Namastaying himself after every third pose... but it doesn't matter. What was important is that I was in "eyes wide open" mode the entire 90 minutes. It is amazing to realize that there are points in the class where I had no idea what I was doing.. at least prior to this class, and I have been in Jesssica's class a gazillion times and I think I pay attention to her. Apparently not a 100%. It is not easy to be conscious of every little movement.
One thing that was sacrified to be that conscious was my face had this intense stare throughout the class and I did not smile. Maybe that is the next step in the evolving process. Stay alert and smile.
As for the water bottle, didn't touch it today. It was there, inviting me all the time, taunting me, tempting me.. but made it through the class and all the way home. Drank water after a shower. Nothing bad happened by skipping water. So far so good..
Sometimes a special teacher can make a world of a difference. Mary Jarvis has made two small dents in my practice within a week. Will see how many of the rest of her words of wisdom sink in and make a difference over time.
Everything in my life right now is linked to Yoga. Even this blog post. Not sure if this is true, but Gandhi is said to have mentioned that on a normal day you do your yoga and on a busy day you do it twice, or some such thing. Even if he had not said that, it makes sense!
The last week was a good one, because I did not fall sick. Nothing incubated inside of me after that Asia trip and ravaged me a few days later. The week felt like it had 10 days though. Sometimes you just get into that mode of improving your batting average at work and the more you focus on it, the more balls seem to come your way! It was that kind of week. On Friday, my voice started to crack. That is always an early warning sign for the impending aliens to put me back in bed. One thing leads to another and I am thinking.. "Hmm, I am behind on my yoga attendance and this may be the day to do two classes back to back".
This is not the first time I am going to a yoga class twice in a day (did 4 over a 24 hour period two years ago with a good nights sleep thrown in) or doing two classes back to back. Usually, I look at the schedule and make sure it is not the "tough love" teachers in both the classes to pace myself and take a breath here and there when we get to the "I am definitely going to die on this mat today" part of class.
The first class was taught by a teacher who is from the "tough love" school. Her default is to kick my ass in class. Just at the exact moment, my head is filled with "best standing bow EVER!" she will go "Sundar, kick harder! you are not kicking hard enough" and I will be screaming inside my head going "that wasn't enough? that is all I got lady! Any more kicking and my head is going to spontaneously combust and you will have to scrape my smoking remains off the mat!". I would get the same feeling from when I was at the toll booth on 680, trying to collect every last quarter, nickel and penny in the car to make the 5$ toll, or risk a 27$ fine only to find that I am 17 cents short!
All said, made it through the first class! After a quick internal debate with myself on the sanity of going back into the hot room, the side that said "why not? It cannot get any worse!" won. Drank a packet of Vitamins (and the 5g of sugar and electrolytes in it) and went back in. Took a nice 10 minute nap and before I could finish an evening dream of doing a better standing bow, the bell rang and the next class started.
This time, I did not check the schedule to see who was teaching the two classes. Even if I HAD seen the schedule, it would not have made a difference. The next teacher who showed up, had taught me maybe twice before. Both those classes were overflowing with people and she didn't give me any corrections. This time was different. She knew it was my second class in a row...
If you have watched enough National Geographic videos, you will know that a lioness knows which gazelle is most likely to end up dead at the end of the short video clip, even before she takes the first step towards the watering hole. I was that Gazelle! Okay, that was stretching it a bit far. If you got visions of me gracefully moving through the savanah, let me stop you right there! The comparison is purely for the "dying at the end fo the clip" part. There was no grace, no strength or any sign of a fight left in me, or so I thought. It is one thing for the lioness to know which Gazelle.. but I wonder how the cameraman knows which one. He seems to pick it out with as much accuracy as the lioness.. and if a lioness and a cameraman know..why are the gazelles not able to know as well?! Where were we? Too much Planet Earth in my head right now. Getting back to the topic...
On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is like infinity and 1 is next to nothing, my strength was a 5 and flexibilty was a 3 during the first class. At the end of that class, my strength was a 2 and flexibility was 5! You become suddenly aware that bending comes easy and holding the bend is incredibly hard. 15 minutes into the second class, we are doing the first back bend and the teacher goes "you are already relaxed Sundar. Go for it.. bend!" and I went back in one smooth motion and didn't stop. Almost fell backwards after I could see the baseboard on the back wall! That is as far back as I have ever "back bended" standing up all these years.
Then I promptly panicked. The realization that there was not enough strength to get that heavy head and upper body back up hit me. Tried to come out of the posture immediately and there was a rush of blood from somewhere to somewhere.. and the next thing I know, was sitting down on the mat. For a few moments, everything was white and the teachers voice could not be heard. She was saying something to me but my ears shut down. There were an uncountable number of Jedi warriors fighting in my forehead with light sabres.. or was it an uncountable number of people using vacuum cleaners?! Maybe it was Jedi warriers with vacuum cleaners?! It was hard to tell.
For reasons unknown to me or anyone else in the Universe (except probably my wife), I got back up and kept going. At some point the teacher mentioned she was picking on me to make sure I didn't go into "auto pilot" mode. Translation: "Not going to let you make it easy on yourself. It is my job to make sure you push yourself past that point". Went along with it and did my best ever, on a lot of poses in that class. There was some cramping, but came out of that as well and finished it still breathing. To an average Nat Geo cameraman, it might not have been very impressive, but I came out of that class alive and well!
After class we are having a chat and the teacher goes "I was going to pick on my fiance who was in the class. Didn't pick on him enough. Was trying to make sure you don't take it easy on the 2nd class". I told her "you don't have to say anything to him, to pick on him. You just have to look at him!. When my wife looks at me, I know one of two things...
a. I forgot to do something or
b. I did something wrong in a way it was not supposed to be done
a look is enough!"
Everyone had a good laugh and I started driving back home...
Isn't life like Yoga?! In the almost 19 years of married life, there are the same emotions you go through on the mat that get repeated over longer time frames outside the yoga room. Everything from elation to disappointment, but only fleeting because you know it is all good in the end! and there is the red line..
When San gives me that look, I know that the first red line has been crossed! Something has been forgotten or done wrong. Now it is a question of seconds.. the clock is ticking. If the mistake can be identified within those precious few seconds, sanctions can be avoided and wars can be off the table. Problem is when you don't know that you have crossed the red line.
This could happen when you have screwed up on multiple fronts and are trying to figure out which one got you that look from your wife. You forgot to wash the dishes.. no, you forgot to put the clothes in the dryer..no, she is at her laptop with that look.. you forgot to print and sign that damn thing at work and our printer at home is out of paper or toner or you were supposed to tell your boss something or you forgot to file your reimbursement or .. or.. or .. your head spins as you try to correct any and all mistakes within those few seconds.. kind of like you try to correct that standing bow with the teacher staring at you..
What have you done?! not lock that knee? not stretched that hand? not looking at the right place? not kicking hard enough? The teacher is still going "Sundar.. come on?" They won't tell you, what it is that you are not doing for an agonizing second or two!
(had some fun just now with Jr. recording me doing a standing bow that I used to do almost 7 years ago, almost 3 years ago and close to present day.. right after munching a lot of carbs while watching Superbowl with friends)
That is when you cross the "double red line"! Be it home or Yoga room.. that is the "don't make me come there and show you!" look which by now elicits a Pavlovian response from me :
1. Hang down head in shame
2. mutter something to myself
3. realize that I was definitely in the wrong, given my track record
4. find out if there is any chance to undo the damage real fast
At home, chances of undoing damage fast are a hit or miss, but in the hot room... we do everything TWICE! Thank god for small favors. So I do get to show that what is being said has been understood and corrected in "take two"!
As I write this post, have crossed three red lines and one double red line already. But it shall pass. When you are surrounded by folks who have your back, life is good!
Even something like a ring finger can be very important. Yes, it is for a ring and I didn't know how much I used it on a day to day basis, till I got the damn wart on it.
I thought "I am right handed and this is on the left hand ring finger. should be able to manage this thing easily". Only three things got hit because of this
1. typing was not easy. but that was mangeable with one 7 finger typing.
2. could not wash dishes and that was not easy for San the last three weeks
3. Yoga. If you see the number of poses that do not have the words "grip" or "interlock fingers" or "pull with your hands" or "grab" with your hands, there are maybe 5 or 6 total. Makes it an interesting exercise.
Still it has healed nicely although very slowly and I am not exactly sure if I just replaced the wart with an even larger scar tissue?
While you might be grossed out with the pic, this blog is an equal opportunity offender when it comes to such detailed chronicling. So as a social service to other people who are thinking "should I take up the offer to do this Liquid Nitrogen treatement instead of getting injected with acid which is a slower process", I say "It depends, on where and how prepared you are for keeping that area dry and working around a giant blister".
Also made it to China and back and celebrated a birthday with the constant irritation in the back of my mind, all without taking pain killers. Hind sight being 20/20, should have listened to my family and friends and taken some pain killers the day after the thing opened. Was worried about getting liver or kidney damage and my worry about starting to use them on a regular basis again for back pain post the regular China trips.
On the last trip, I ended up in row 72 when there were 73 rows on the plane. One of the ground staff joked "The tail is the safest place on the plane Sir!" and I mumbled something. It may be the safest but it is the turbulentest.. if there is such a word. Sometimes you are in Seat 1A. Sometimes you are in 72A. The good news is that once you land and can get a good days rest, things start to come back to normal.
Coming back to the finger, it is now feeling normal and bendable. No more bandaids. No need to keep it dry. I can go do yoga and try to interlock all 10 fingers and {grip, pull, grab}myself as instructed and stay put in asanas. The rest will automatically get back to normal now that I can do this.
People worry about getting addicted to pain killers, alcohol, other drugs, etc.
I may already be addicted to Yoga.
It is a lot less worrysome compared to other addictions but I do feel very pissy when I miss yoga for more than 3-4 days in a row. Managed to stretch in the hotel rooms and airports and do backbends in the aisles on airplanes where they prepare food with permission from the air hostess. They all know me by now and when the rest of the folks are in cryo freeze midway across the Pacific after their meal and the lights go off, I ask them "can I stretch here?" and they go "sure sweetie" and watch me in amusement as I do a half moon, hands to feet pose, eagle pose and end it with a leg stretching with head almost touching the dirty floor. It is good to get your head below your heart in the middle of sitting for hours in the same seat. One of them asked me "does that help?" and I said "kind of. I have to go back and do an entire yoga class to feel normal again. something is better than nothing!" and she nodded in agreement.
There is a lot more we take for granted and most of the stuff I describe is first world problems. There are people with limbs missing who come do yoga. So this is actually no big deal, an annoyance at worst. If you are facing a choice of treatement for warts, evaluate your options carefully!
