The end of an era

Have not written anything in ages. We visited India to do the Varushabdhegam ceremony for my dad. A year has flown by since his passing and I had promised him over and over again that I will be there to do his rites. Planned this trip in Jan as soon as the calendar was available and dates were known.

This trip has been very challenging on every front. Physically exhausting as the best tickets were on Emirates in Jan and we had an unnecessary war to make flying through middle east miserable.

Mentally and emotionally I was oscillating between being numb to being in tears. My father saved everything. Every photo, inland letter from my college day, Aerograms from my grad school days, old photos, prizes I got, gifts, the first suitcase I took to IT-BHU, there was enough material in the attic to start a Sundar museum. Not to mention he had similar stuff for my brother and sister. Cleaning up everything and going through stuff was emotional.

Then there was a promise to go do a Pitr tharpanam in the himalayas (He did it in the late nineties) and I had no idea what to expect. Went and did it anyways. Two weeks of extreme stress, a few smiles from nostalgia here and there, some sighs of relief of things going as planned and a sense of completion and accomplishment that somehow we have done everything we possibly can for the dude to go into the afterlife.

If after all this his soul doesn’t rest in peace, when my time comes I will take a lot of people to task.

May take a lot of time to write about this trip in more detail. Given my emotional state, this will be a raw post. So after this will switch to another recent trip that never saw a mention.

Have spent three hours non stop looking at old photos and videos this evening. Had no idea 3 hours flew by. A rush of memories.. so randomly saved a few of the videos to my desktop and made the compilation at the end of this post..

My dad had a crappy childhood but he lucked out with my mom. So his life got better and better till Parkinson’s got him. I have inherited a lot of good things from him (hopefully not Parkinson’s). Going through the photos made me realize a lot of things all at once.

Still coming to terms with the fact that our vaadhyaar gave me a bunch of darbai and pavithrams and said “you are now set for a year of tharpanams”. My mom is living with my brother and finally she has seen the inside of a temple after a year of staying home. The familiar place where I would go see my dad or sing and have him nod his head or raise his eyebrows in silent appreciation is also moving on. I did get to sing a song for him one last time at the end of the ceremony. A vallalar song. He used to keep telling this story of how when I was almost 2 (before my brother was born) I would wear a towel around my head and hide behind a door. He would have to find me when coming back home from office and I would announce myself as “I am Ramalinga Adigal”. . . he would imitate me saying that as a baby. He never got tired of that story. So it was apt to sing it there.

My mom is a rock. She is probably dealing with this a lot better than any of us are. The good news is so is my wife. In some twist of fate, I have found an emotionally stoic woman like my mom who takes everything in her stride. Even for that I have to credit my dad.

I can ramble on for another four hours. So will stop here.. My mom told me not to junk anything in that house. So I took photos of 3700 photos and then cut them all up and tossed them. A bitter realization in the exercise is that once we are gone, the physical stuff we collect has to be a small curated shoe box. A few defining things. That is about it. I have 2000 books at home. Magnet boards with magnets from every place we visited, a ton of cassettes, CD’s DVD’s etc.. Not sure if anyone is ever going to look at anything.. so going to start a clean up exercise and change some habits going forward. It will be tough as it is not in my DNA. Time will tell..

My dad holding Jr. after her Mottai in 2003

A photo with my mom before we started doing the tharpanam two weeks ago..

As a child I have played cricket with this tree, climbed on the parapet walls here.. done paper kappals when the road would flood in rainy season.. it was bitter sweet walking with a lot of stuff my dad had saved, in that first suitcase he bought me for my undergrad in Varanasi.

This window view was all he had for most of the last 6 years of his life. The crows were his entertainment as he would watch the sunrise and sunset. Took this photo of a sunrise from that window..

This was the last photo I took of him when he came back from Apollo ICU in September 2024. He knew I would never see him again. Just a small wave of goodbye. He was cremated before I went and did the last rites. Living aboard has as many disadvantages as there are advantages.

We are moving on.. hopefully he is in a much better place now.

the video..

Adding this video of the Vallalar song here. Sang this a day after writing this post. Family who could not make it can listen to it. I was so emotional that afternoon that my attempt must have been a lot more flawed.

We did go do the Char dham and I did a Pitr Tarpanam in Gangothri on Ganga dushera for my dad and all ancestors. I am no Bhageeratha, but I am what my dad got. So he has to make do with my attempt.

It will be some time before I write about that. Mostly painful memories. My sincere request to folks is that this pilgrimage is not to be attempted unless you have 8 -9 days of travel time. Trying to do it in 5-6 days will be extremely painful. Also if you have any health issues or are traveling with older people, this trip is not for you!

Happy to be back home and hug the kids. Folks at work who are culturally insensitive kept asking me how my “vacation went’ inspite of me telling them this is more of an extended bereavement. Good thing I didn’t go postal.

Also don’t know why Baudhayana had to make every thing more complex for his followers. Some day if I get to meet him in spirit, my first question would be “why this kolaveri?”. The Apastambha guys seem to have it easy.

Happy to be writing in this space again.. hopefully will cheer up from tomorrow. I have a good feeling about tomorrow.

Yogagraphy and portraits in Bora Bora lagoon

The previous post in this series is here..

We did spend time in the morning before breakfast taking photos in the lagoon with me doing yoga poses and later in the evening before dinner. This time we came a good hour before sunset time and got some amazing pics. It was not raining and that was a big plus! Will strongly recommend the Royal Hotel in Bora Bora. Fantastic setup, fantastic people!

Earlier in the morning.. or I should say way earlier than sunrise, the roosters that kept us up, ended up right outside our sliding door. I got to drink tea watching them and this cat that wandered around the premises.

The place was full of trees, especially Badam trees.. Told the family they were Badam and they did not believe me. Later we saw a sign naming the trees and was vindicated! The other tree was a “fish poison” tree that is actually toxic to humans. Good they label trees so we learned something.

Here are the photos..

This is a small subset. Had so many good photos did not know which ones to pick..

You can give your camera to any random stranger and get a click and it is frame worthy in this place !!

A video highlights reel..

We had a great dinner after taking pictures. The service was fast on the day after Christmas because they had more staff on hand. We went back to our rooms and went to bed. We had done our exercise for the day in the water..or at least that is how I consoled myself after that heavy dinner and dessert!

Snorkeling with Sharks and Stingrays and a Coral garden - Bora Bora

The previous post from this trip is here..

The plan was to have a nice nights sleep. I had set an alarm for 5:15AM to catch a sunrise while the rest of the family slept till 7AM. However, the roosters started crowing at 3:45! There was no chance of sleep.

So I missed the sunrise.. Later I learned that we don’t actually get to see the sun through the clouds in Bora Bora in December with the clouds.. only a slight increase in purple hues and brightness increase. So I did not miss anything!

When we went for breakfast the place was calm. We did some Yogagraphy. Then I decided to get in the water for an hour. It was great! Then we went back to the room and got ready for an early lunch.

We had booked a snorkeling adventure trip for the afternoon. It is not easy to just look at each other and stay in hotel rooms. The kids were okay with this plan. We had found just 4 spots for the afternoon with Moana Adventure Tours. Will definitely recommend this company if you are looking for a great snorkeling experience.

They picked us up from the hotel and after a 15 minute drive we got introduced to the captain and guides and were off to the reef. First we were in a shallow area with 4-6 feet water where we could snorkel. There were a lot of sharks and one big stingray that went past us.

After this we got back on the boat and went to a place where the water was 6-7 feet deep. This was tricky and some swimming knowledge was necessary to snorkel and not step on the corals in the coral garden. We were told that this is the only company that is allowed access to this garden as they help maintain it.

They did give us inflatable vests to help float. I did get some help from the guide Mr. Tema to maneuver around the corals and not step on them. One of the other tourists on our boat, a couple from San Diego were nice enough to give me a space iPhone waterproof case so I could take videos and photos under the water while snorkeling. That proved to be a challenge but you can see it in the video. Two of the 8 people still managed to get scratches on their legs and bleed. One of them was Jr. who is an expert swimmer. Mr. Tema quickly sprayed them with something that would dissolve any stuck coral and an instant bandage. He was Mr. Ice cool. He also kept telling us “do not pick any shells no matter how pretty they look”.. later he told us about a neurotoxin on the shells and death in 15 minutes if you get stung.. nearest hospital is 45 minutes away. Thought he was kidding. Later I came home and googled it and sure enough, it is called the “cigarette snail” because if you get stung, you may get to smoke one cigarette before you die!

The photos from this amazing experience.

Here is the video highlights. Have edited more than 30 minutes of video clips to this shorter clip… iPhone goes in and out of focus when underwater.. maybe it is my phone that is getting old.. maybe I should have changed some settings before taking it underwater.. best edit I could do in a rush.

Restricting this post just to the morning dip in the lagoon and snorkeling.. The photo shoots of us with Yoga poses and in the evening light at golden hour (no gold colors though) will be in a separate post!

Note to self and others. Remove Rudhraksha beads before you get into salt water. I usually do. For some reason in the excitement forgot. Some of them almost cracked. Now they are going to have to go through some conditioning to save them.