The backrash

It has been some time since I posted anything. It has been a busy week, trying to recover at home, at work, trying to claw my way back to a new normal.

The doctors realized that without antibiotics, my situation was not going to improve but there was the allergic reactions to deal with. So they gave me a different antibiotic and that helped take out all other problems except the rash.

For the first time in three weeks, went to work Monday through Friday and made it ! Also did the usual daddy stuff at home without dozing off in the evenings! So it has been a good week. 

The only thing that bugs me is that my skin which was the envy of Jr. and the little one is now unrecognizable. They used to touch my shoulder or forearms and say "daddy, your skin is so smooth and shiny!" and my response used to be "hey, do you know how much I have sweat through that skin to get it so smooth and shiny? you know what to do if you want to have the same thing!"  

Right now, the front and sides are past the itch and have scabed over. The lower back and all around the belt area is still in bad shape. 

Apparently rubbing your hand over this area feels like petting a lizard or a baby crocodile.  The doctors tell me that this might take another MONTH to get over. I am just praying that it stops itching. Croc skin, no problem. I don't see crocs itching and scratching themselves all day long.

On the bright side, I went to BYSJ and asked my teacher "do you think people will object if I come to yoga class looking like this?" and the response was "It is so sweet of you to check. Folks come here with all kinds of tattoos.. think of this as a tattoo and just come and do your best. worse case just sit down in the room for 90 minutes"

Planning to start from scratch, again, tomorrow.

"It's never too late, it's never too bad and you're never too old or too sick to start from scratch once again."

What bugs me is that after being so fresh and healthy and doing a 60 day challenge and feeling like a well oiled piece of machinery, a few sick folks on a plane and a few small micro organisms can reduce me to this and I have to start from scratch.

Take a deep breath in, deep breath out.. repeat a few times.. 

Now time to move on.

Conversations continue

Parents are in the kitchen while Jr. has just started eating breakfast on the couch. The little one wanders in to the living room with her blankie and announces "Daddy, your favorite person in the world is now awake!". Given the way she said it in a cute voice, I was as usual going to come in and give her a big hug. 

So I walk from the kitchen with a tea glass in hand. 

Jr. gives me a glare and a mean look and says "I knew it. See, she declares she is your favorite person and what do you do? come out with a smile?"

It has been an ordeal the last few weeks to literally prove to them that they are both loved the same. While Jr. is not trying to make a point, the little one has really been pushing it. 

Then I read out a post from my SIL that mentioned how their older daughter same down to breakfast and said she was feeling sad. When asked why, she had mentioned it was because her baby sister was sick.

The kids heard it and the responses were :

LO : Ooooh.. that is soo sweet! 

Jr. : She is making a terrible mistake. She just doesn't know it yet. She will regret it as the younger sister will turn into her worst horror! I know.. from experience!

The little one ignored it matter of factly like a fast ball outside the off stump, while the parents looked at each other and went "where did we go wrong?"

A few hours later there is a fight of sorts because Jr. has to go for some practice and she does not want the little one tagging along. 

Jr. : No. She is not coming. Why does she come to all my stuff but when I try to come with you for any of her stuff she protests?

LO: that is not true

Jr. : I am not talking to you. I am talking to Amma

LO : but you are talking about ME! 

Jr. goes on to ignore her and the little one shouts 

"I can go where I want to you know.. I have rights. This is America. I am not in India!"

Me and San burst out laughing. 

Me : Where do you get that crap from? You can go anywhere you want in India also. It is a free country. 

San starts counting the total number of weeks she has spent in India as a conscious person within two hands and we go "you have not been there much! why are you saying that?"

She said "Sorry! I said it as a funny thing." 

After much prodding and digging around it hours later figured out that what she wanted to say was this is free country. . but to emphasize she had to pick an opposite corner and she picked the only other country that comes to her mind automatically.  The logic of "if I am good, everything else is bad.. and if I have to pick an example of everything else, I go with my second favorite" made my head spin.

Trust me, these are kids that we work hard to have a world awareness. Something we find most kids growing up in the US to be lacking. In the last twenty years if there is one thing that I find surprisingly waning is the abiilty of Americans we meet daily to empathize with things that happen in other parts of the world. Blame it on the school system here, the political system or the media changing over time, but it is there.

It is funny that as kids we knew every US state capital as part of Georgraphy but many our friends here in grad school could not put even the four Indian metros on a map. Never figured out why that was? 

When all this was going through my head, was reminded of another recent conversation few weeks ago. Was driving the kids back from a saturday afternoon class when we were talking about their school.

Jr. : I think we should stop social studies as a subject in school

LO : I agree!

Me : why? you don't want to know what goes on in other parts of the world? 

Jr. and LO (at same time) : That is NOT what they teach in social studies.

Me : then what DO they teach?

Jr. : Things that have already happened before. Who killed who and who killed who back and stuff like that. Why do we need to know that. We only need to learn things that will help in the future. We dont need to know who we are supposed to like and not like! that does not help people to become one and work together

LO : I agree with her appa. What happened has already happened. we do not need to know people have been fighting all the time. 

They both had no problem with Georgraphy! They had a point. If our kids have a futuristic outlook and they want everyone in this world to get along, they see no point in all these dark reminders of the past! 

Maybe we should stop teaching history for a few decades in schools and see if conflicts across the world simmer down or subside.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could do an experiment like that in our lifetime?

Our kids constantly show us how their thought process is so different from ours, on a daily basis. It is good to watch and learn!

Perspectives

Another hospital visit, this time with San chauffering me. We go to the reception desk and the lady gives me a mask to wear. I give her a look and she goes "don't you have rashes?" 

Did not respond to her. She wet wiped the pen I used to sign the credit card bill. I smiled inside. Then came the kicker. Please go to that railing and stand there.

Me : I am very tired and drowsy. Can I just sit in one of these chairs? The doc told me day before yesterday that this is not contagious

Rec: The folks here don't know that. Also because you have rashes a nurse will be right out to get you to a room. 

After waiting near the rails for a good 5 minutes and watching two more people go in, I just sit cross legged on the floor near the railing. Realizing my trouble the receptionist was nice. She got out of her pen and took me inside and said "sorry. I thought they will be faster". 

Then comes a nurse. I go to get my blood pressure checked and remove my jacket. She gets a look at my arm and starts scratching her face. 

Me : What happened?

Nurse : Sorry. Just looking at your arm makes me itch! I don't know why!

For a second my mind just went ballistic on her. Do you have any freaking idea woman that the only thing I want to do right now is to remove my shirt and go rub myself against that opposite textured wall that looks like sand paper? Do you have any idea that I am using all those years of shavasana training just to sit still here? I actually "want".. NO NO NO "need" to itch right now and you are doing it just by looking at me?

How will this woman ever survive J's class is she were to take it, without getting a lecture on "want" vs. "need" when it comes to itching and scratching? the mind was wandering off. 

I took a deep breath in and a deep breath out. The world was not fair and hey, it never claimed to be, so what the hell?

She found a way to carefully place the blood pressure monitor sensor out of a rash and took my pressure. Was expecting to see a reading of zillion / zero. It actually read 104/60. Somehow all those things that were going on in the head, I had not taken to heart. It was nice to know.

Again, she said sorry as she meticulously wet wiped the sensor they put in your fingertip and the pressure equipment. I mumbled something to the effect of "it is okay" and "you know they tell me it is not contagious, but everything you guys keep doing tells me otherwise" . She said "we do it as a habit when we see rashes"

Then while sitting in the room the thought of what these nurses and receptionists and doctors go through in their line of work just hit me. 

Here I am thinking of becoming an anti social simply to avoid contact with strangers in planes and airport lounges to minimize picking up new germs when they go in the exact opposite direction knowing the risks? Can I blame them for wiping everything?

These people put their lives at risk day in and day out dealing with body fluids that are known contaminated for the most part and one mistake could cost them and the odds of that mistake happening are much higher in a hospital than in an United flight. (okay, maybe that last one needs to be really investigated, but let's assume United planes have less sick individuals than hospitals for now, okay?)

One thing that made it through my thick head was that my tendency to judge quickly based on what I saw has not changed or improved. I still judge.. but 9/10 times these days I go back and re-evaluate my stand and am okay to stand corrected within a few seconds or minutes. It would be nice to not judge instantly, but that has been me for 40+ years, so it will take time to change that habbit. 

On the way out, did make it a point to thank each and everyone of the folks who helped me. That was a few days ago.

The last few days have been muddling through work, taking phone calls at home and no driving. Walking in the backyard with no shirt on exposing the glorious rashes to Ra for him to do the rest. Seriously they told me that 5-10 minutes of direct sunlight will help. 

This morning was tough. I had chills all last night and my body was aching so bad that I took a day off of work and went back to bed. When I woke up, it was almost 3PM. Had slept through the entire day from 10PM to 3PM skipping breakfast and lunch. 

Took a shower, did the sunlight thing and put on some more ointments and checked my mail.. and that brings to the second perspective. There were four people who were suggesting that this was an insect bite and six suggesting that I should stop doing Bikram Yoga immediately as it was probably the root cause of all problems. These are all people who are family and very close friends.

The doctors are saying that this is most likely a case of "pityreasis rosea" where the cause is a virus or it is an amoxycillin reaction. They told me that heat will make the rashes more obvious and it is good to not overheat and take warm water showers instead of hot water showers. But they also tell me that Bikram yoga cannot cause this. It can only make the rashes look more purple.

Telling my family and friends that "Bikram yoga is good for you" (exception is wife, MIL and kids)  is like going to a Fox news show and saying "Islam is a peaceful religion"!  Recently in one of those United lounge conversations a guy tells me "Terrorism is in the muslim religion itself!". I was just taken aback. Simply did not know how to react to it. Here is a devout Christian telling a not so devout Hindu that Islam is synonymous with terrorism and I don't have a witty comeback.

Most of the folks who have never set foot in a hot room have an opinion on Bikram Yoga from the media? It is usually opinions, not facts. "If this is what I perceive and I am in the media, it has to be true.. because I am on TV and you are on your couch".. well that seems to be the trend these days.

Have never been a Muslim so I have no right to make a judgement call on the religion, but we do have muslim friends and families who are just like us. Hardworking, sincere, family men and women who go about their day. Some go pray every friday and some don't. Their kids are as normal as ours from every view point. There are definitely data points that tell me that the "all muslims are violent" statement is false.  

Incidentally, it was my 4 year anniversary and I was "itching" to go do Yoga to commemorate, but all I ended up doing was itch. It was depressing. Have written so many posts on my experience with Bikram Yoga over the last 4 years. 

My family and friends sometimes don't see why I love it so much. It is not possible for everyone to experience every religion before making statements on it. One can only hope that all good religions teach the message of understanding and eventually transcending religion to see the god within oneself and others is the final step for religious graduation. 

Same thing for Yoga. I cannot make everyone go experience the hot room and then make up their mind. Tried that and realized that not everyone can see the value of sweating it out for 90 minutes with a bunch of strangers in front of a mirror.

San did try it after my MIL and me repeatedly asked her to try and after 30 classes she said "It is a great feeling after the class finishes, but I simply cannot handle the smell Sundar! I have no idea how you do it, but it is not for me. You go as much as you want, but don't ask me to join you!"  Now that is a sense of realism that I can handle. She is a better person than me for cutting to the chase and saying "if it works for you great. go for it"

The kids used to come for the family class (warm room instead of hot) and loved it. The minute Jr. came to the adult class she stopped after 4 classes. Her reason? "Daddy, I am practically on the floor after the warm up. The teacher told me that my blood pressure is not same as adults so I will feel dizzy. I feel bad sitting down when others are trying so hard all around me. Don't want to be a spoil sport". When she comes up with something like that in all sincereity, I said "fine, do your one mile run every day. maybe you can come try with me in a few years"

The little one nonchalantly states "you know I can TOTALLY do it if I want to.. I really CAN! It is just that I DON'T want to do it!" . Personally the little one is ready for everything and nothing at the same time. She is going to kill me sooner or later in just trying to figure her out.

In all this drowsiness, I read a message that said "by the way, the guy who started the yoga you do, is being arrested for something or other. maybe you should seriously rethink going to this yoga". That is when I closed one browser window, opened another and started typing this post. 

Having never met Bikram and knowing him only though the Yoga routine he has passed on, if someday I meet him, the only words I will have for him are "THANK YOU!" and it will be in a much bigger font than that.

There is no way I can judge him for anything else other than this routine, which is sheer brilliance.