Some profound realizations

This year I have had more hospital check-ins than the last 7 years combined. Maybe age is a factor like some are pointing out. Maybe the SaniMahadasa (Saturn influence) is a factor like some others are saying. Then there is just the activities like hectic travel and hiking gravel paths down mountain slopes which are factors.

No matter what the cause or the interpretive diagnosis from X-rays, MRI’s etc. the bottom line is that I am not yet walking normally at a brisk pace, unable to climb stairs, let alone hike up hills and mountains and not easily sit cross legged on a daily basis.

The physiotherapists are helping. I am doing wood pecker and clam shell poses instead of eagles and locusts.. flight related yoga references have changed to more grounded things.. That irony is not lost on me!

Apparently I have toned muscles, but not enough of them and unless I start doing some weights and get more protein and get muscle gain (after the knee is repaired with ice, heat, ibuprofen, rest, physio for next two weeks) things will not improve. Also noted.. amazing core strength inspite of not having enough muscle. Guess that is thanks to years of yoga. Supposed to use that core strength to help build other muscles. Time will tell. I take the student part very seriously and try to make my teachers proud. Hope my physios at Kaiser will be proud of my effort.

Last week I did get a “talking”. The previous week they had asked me to do 7 sets once of a bunch of exercises. I misheard it and didn’t read the printout fully. Only used the pictures in the printouts to remember the exercise sequence and did 7 sets of 7 reps each.. was doing it every 2 hours from 7AM to 7PM. More physio doesnt mean faster recovery. Might have made it worse. Doing those once a day didn’t seem to be much of exercise, so I was surprised. Turns out things are supposed to be progressing slowly.

“Slow” - a word that doesn’t exist in my dictionary (you can read that like a Gabtun dialogue). Now I have reconciled to this word. Progress is being made. I am able to walk better now without pain for longer times and have no swelling.

The only challenge is to sit on the floor. Did Amavasai tharpanam and sent the usual photo to my mom after doing tharpanam. That is my way of telling her it was done. I did smile without wincing today. Managed to sit on the floor for an hour. Was not easy to do a namaskaram and get up but it was not bad.

Now coming to the profound realization.. We live in a very complex polarized geo political world.

Thanks to sweeping generalizations that if you stand for A in issue 1, you automatically stand for B in issue 2 etc. type logic. I see Desis, Jewish friends, Israelis, White friends, black friends, Brahmin friends, women friends, yoga buddies, everyone caught in these false logic traps. Silence is not acceptance in a digital world where everything you say is being used against you on an immediate basis. That is one realization. Folks who are very vocal are usually the least knowledgeable on what they are vocal about. That is another realization. AI Algos are definitely not being used to create truthful summaries. They are being used more to obfuscate the truth.

Then there was yet another realization. After coming back from India, have been using the Tharpanam book to do offerings to dad and all ancestors on every new moon day and other special days. Wanted to understand the procedure and meaning behind what I was doing. Our Vaadhyaar in India said “indha kaalaththula ellam onlinela irukkunnaa! onnukku rendu article cross refer panni paarungo!” Clearly he was on the side of online education in the. interest of time. So I did do that search in June.

When we finally do the offering of water with the darbai grass which features in all prominent rituals. We also offer sesame seeds with the water (for a person allergic to sesame seeds, I find that also interesting) .

We recite:

Eshaam (those) na (no) maathaa(mother) na(no) pitha(father) na(no) brathaa(brother) na(no) cha bandhavaah (and relatives)

they sarve (them all) thrupthi(fulfilment) mayaanthu(may they satisfy) mayoth(offered by me, poured out by me) srushtaihi kusodhahai (water mixed with a specific grass)

The idea is that I am not just offering it to my dad and all the dearly departed on both sides of the family, but also offering this to anyone who does not have folks who can do this offering for them. This is the equivalent of a hospital not turning back anyone because they don’t have insurance. We all take care of each other, as not everyone has someone to fall back on.

This is the ultimate realization of “all for one and one for all”, or “no one left behind”, even when offering rites to satisfy dead souls. “Vedic rituals had socialism built into it” It is one interpretation by me. This will immediately get a visceral reaction from capitalist friends who might object to their tharpanam going to dead people they still hold a grudge against and might add an exception list. Everything is possible in Kali kaalam.

There was good in this world and there will continue to be. That was the last realization. The only thing my dad kept asking me over and over again on every visit to India was “enakku kaariyam ellam oru koraiyum vekkaama pannuviyonno?” (promise me you will do all the last rites for me without taking any shortcuts). He was a stickler for details and knowing me the way he did, I was offended by him even asking me that. My mom would smile everytime I would say “Ellam pannuven BR. Don’t worry!”. Once we go, we are gone, hopefully to a much better place far far away and our destiny shouldn’t be gated by what our progeny does for us after the fact. It should be decided by what we did when we were alive. However, I do for my father what he wanted and I did promise him with all my heart.

I have no sons and don’t plan on extracting any promise from anyone to do any last rites for me. Hopefully I do enough good while alive that my afterlife is not gated by what someone else has to do on my behalf.

Then again, there are enough people doing this tharpanam for their ancestors and they got me covered, in case my belief system has gaping holes!

After all, what do I know about the afterlife?

Hardest 60 day challenge to date

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you would know that I used to do the 60 day challenge every winter and some years, given travel schedules, sign up to do the summer challenge as well at Bikram Yoga San Jose.

The challenge is to do 60 classes in 60 days. If you miss a day, you do a double on another day. That is two classes in one day to make up for it. It is called a challenge as your body and mind tell you to give up after day 40 or so.

This is the post about my 21st attempt at this challenge over the years and my 19th time finishing successfully!

In late June, I went on a biz trip and came home with a kidney infection. Was hospitalized and was allowed to do normal things only on 7th July. Even then I was not fully back to my old self. Had lost 11 lbs during this ordeal and was still hitting the restroom every two hours to pee.

My wife knew that I measured my “being normal” with my being able to do yoga on any given day. If I could do yoga, was good for the next 22 hours. If not, something is off and needs to be fixed. That has been the benchmark for a long time. She signed me up for the 60 day challenge this time. I was planning to skip it. We can sign up any day between 1st and 14th of July and finish 60 days from our start date. Usually don’t sign up if I don’t see a possibility of finishing. However, my name was on the board. So I started going to class with her on the 11th and kept going. The Yoga and the hot room always heal and this time was. no different. Within a week I was better physically and mentally. Then came the hike to Mt. Dana. I missed three days. Managed to do doubles the following weekend to make up for it and all was well.

Then out of nowhere, my right knee started swelling. Had to go to the hospital. Fluid was drained, a steroid shot was given, not much specifics on identifying the root cause. Was asked to go do usual stuff like rest, ice, elevate compress, alternate heat and cold etc.. Based on the detailed tests it was a meniscus tear that did not need surgery. Sat at home for 4 more days with the ice water circulating machine.

Hot yoga room heats you all over, not just the knee. Given I was 3/4th of the way to finishing the challenge, went and did what I could without having any lateral knee movement. I was still going to office, driving (which made it worse), avoid staircases(except for a fire drill at work that made things much worse) and the hot room actually helped me deal with things mentally and physically to keep going.

There is a saying in Tamil “Saaga pozhudhu irundhaalum vega pozhudhu illai!” which translates to “even if you find the time to die, you don’t time to burn in the cremation pyre”. A thing that says you are “that busy”! It felt like that for the last 12 days of the challenge. Fortunately there was the labor day weekend to wrap things up and rest. The challenge was done!

There is a lot to learn about yourself (body and mind) in every challenge. This was no different. You can see the end of the video for what is possible.

At one point San told me to stop the challenge by saying “I asked you to start it. I am asking you to stop it!”. Did not have the heart to tell her that she has just become like my mom. Reminded me of my mom saying “I asked you to go to the US. Now I am asking you to come back!” . This after being married, having two kids and a job and set life here. 50+ days into a challenge you just can’t wind it down and call it quits. Used to be the poster boy for BYSJ, recently the posters changed and the new ones are awesome.! The baton has been passed to some of my Yoga peeps. Folks were making jokes that “maybe it is a sign from above to stop the challenge”. Every tool in the emotional toolkit was tried to make me stop this, but I finished. Have been on a break from yoga for 10 days now and things only got worse now.

Will see if something is actually damaged and follow up on how to heal. San treated me to a “challenge finish lunch” at Bhimas. Usually it is Aaloo paratha at Chaat House right after the challenge party. This time, it was a lunch treat!

San is my biggest supporter and she is always right. It takes me time to realize that sometimes. Eventually I come around. Her theory is that I have something torn or broken and it is not diagnosed yet. So till I get it understood, I should be very careful. That I am taking to heart. This challenge is all her!

Have told her that 20 is a round number. Maybe after the next challenge, I will not sign up every year.

Here are some pictures..

San made it look like I am eating a 2 foot poori.. it is a small poori!

This banner has been replaced by new really good ones which show the community. There used to be a sense of added responsibility when this was there. I would never sit down during triangle pose. Still don’t. Now I give the new poster boys a hard time telling them “they should not skip the poses they are doing on the wall”.

here is the video of the speech

Have said this before and will say it again.

In today’s world keeping your immune system and having the ability to heal yourself after any injury or ailment is important, given the cost and quaiity of medical care. We have to give our doctors also something to work with and that comes from within.

Yoga helps you do that.

Hot yoga is even better. The heat and humidity make it safer to stretch.

Doing yoga regularly is good.

Having a continuous practice where you come day after day is even better for a lot of reasons (you can read all those old 60 day challenge posts over the years in this blog alone).

If you haven’t done a challenge try it. if you did and were not able to finish, sign up for the next one and finish. if you did do the challenge and finish, sign up again to learn something new about yourself!

This challenge is dedicated to San. She is my rock! Also a big thanks to BYSJ, all my teachers and fellow students for keeping this going!

A very different 60 day challenge

Most of you who know me, have seen this once a year post around the end of March about the 60 day yoga challenge. 

BYSJ organizes two of these challenges a year. The winter challenge where you sign up on any day between Jan 1st to 14th and do 60 classes in 60 days (ideally without missing a day, and if you do miss because of unavoidable reasons, do two classes on another day to make up for it). A similar challenge in Summer with same rules. 

This is my 13th year of doing Yoga and this was my 13th 60 day challenge. My family doesn't try to stop me from doing this challenge anymore. They know I somehow manage to finish it and I am usually happy doing the challenge.

Given my MIL has been a big part of my yoga journey, it was always sad to hear her say "want to try and finish this challenge at least once in this lifetime!". She is usually here only after Pongal which is Jan 14th and leaves for Seattle after two three weeks. I don't sign up in summer because of travel and other commitments.

This year, she came early just for the challenge. Had promised her that someone (me, San or the little one who is not so little anymore) will drive her to class for those 60 days if both me and San decide to skip yoga. Given that assurance, she signed up.

For the most part all three of us would go to class. The folks at the studio were very happy to see a car load of folks come to class. Then we went to Alaska on a whim to take care of my wife's bucket list item. One bucket was larger than the other bucket.. or whatever.. fortunately MIL managed to do a couple of Livestream classes when we were gone. Funny thing is that when we got back and I had to do three doubles over the weekends to make up, she joined me! It was not easy for her, but she did. 

While she makes claims that it is not the same thing doing something at 50 vs 70, my take is that age has nothing to do with it. You do what you can and I think she actually gets more out of the yoga than I do and probably does a better job in most classes given the cards she has been dealt. 

Usually it is just a logistics challenge for me but as fate would have it, banged my knee twice on the same day. The last 10 days of the challenge were really tough with the injured knee. Still went ahead and did everything I posisbly could in the hot room every day.

Finished the challenge on March 1st and my MIL also finished it last week!  San did 54 classes in the 60 days but she refused to do any doubles on a matter of principle. She has done one challenge before and apparently that is enough for her. She was happy to cheer the two of us to finish. How she can let it go is where we see that she is a better yogi than me. 

The knee is not swelling anymore but I cannot do tree pose standing on my left leg and have difficulty doing suptavajrasana and the third part of awkward pose. These involve bending the knee inwards towards the other knee or folding it and rotating it out. Given it is better, my teachers still recomended I get an x-ray or get it checked out. So have an Ortho appointment this week. For almost all things that ail me mentally or physically, have used the yoga to recover over the last 12+ years.  Going to see what the diagonsis is. Just because you do yoga, doesn't mean you should bang your knee against car license plate holders and expect to come out okay!

We did celebrate after the challenge with a dinner at Chaat house! Got to share a few words at the Challenge party in hopes that if we can do it, others who are thinking of giving this a try, will actually go for it.

The one thing folks tell me all the time is this.. "Sundar, you do the same yoga everyday.. day after day, year after year.. you do this 60 day challenge every year.. and say you learn something new.. you must be really inattentive or dumb to learn something new in what you do all the time!" 

While it is true that the class is the same day after day, my body and mind are not. As different parts of my body get stronger or weaker, more or less rigid or flexible over time, and my mind gets better at listening to the instruction and internalizing it instead of being in zombie mode, there is new learning! All the time!

Going regularly back to back for long periods of time gives you a heightened sense of awareness of changes happening in your body and we get a chance to remember how we did what we did differently(better)!

My friend Arash summarized it beautifully. He said in the language of Buddists.. which we all learn as kids. Ther is Buddha, Dharma and Sanga. 

Buddham charanam gachchaami, sangam charanam gachchaami! 

Teachers are our gods here! The Dharma is the fact that they stay true to a hard 90 minute yoga practice and the community that is there at BYSJ is truly what makes us keep coming back.

We heard a lot of folks share their amazing journey and stories at the challenge party. You can check those out on the BYSJ website and other social media. A video of what we shared with folks..

As long as there are not major setbacks, will try to keep going to yoga, try 60 day challenge every year and try to keep this body and mind as optimized as possible to deal with everything the outside world throws at me.

Sangeetha says I am still a work in progress and even today she was trying to "knock some sense into me" with little success. For all that, there is progress. Slow but sure progress.

Strongly recommend you try yoga if you are on the fence. They say "do this for 30 days, it will change your body, do it 60 days in a row and it will change your mind". Can attest to it!

Here's to BYSJ for continuing to improve and transform people's lives, year after year, one challenge after another!

A big congrats to all who signed up and gave it their everything (finishing is a different story, signing up is the hard part!) and a special congrats to my MIL for being a great example and role model for yogis out there.

Very proud of her for finishing the challenge and showing up to class on day 61 !!!