little one

Take nothing for granted

This blog usually sees only happy posts for the most part. Occasionally a sad or nostalgic/ raw post. The last month has not been easy.

The Japan trip blog series writeup was going along swimmingly well. Then there was a biz trip for a few days and my plan was to come back and finish writing about the last three days of the trip.

There was International day of Yoga and a multilingual class that we thoroughly enjoyed. Monday through Wednesday I had planned a rather hectic trip to cover multiple things. Every day there were two flights with 2-3 hour gap between flights just to be safe. In spite of that 5 of the 6 flights were 2+ hours late. The only flight on time was the last one.

Somewhere in the middle of visiting airport restrooms and plane restrooms, I had picked up my first UTI ever and did not know it. As fate would have it, my last but one flight started 2 hours late and landed 2 hours late as well. The next flight home was on time and had boarded. The last hour of the flight was extremely turbulent and we were not allowed to use the restroom. The pretzel bag and water did not make it easier. When we were about to land, the air hostess announced that four passengers could actually made their connections if we would run to the next flight that was boarding. We were in A12. Two of us had to run to A1. A mom and daughter had to run to A6. Rest of them were rebooked as they had luggage. I was traveling with a backpack. After running 12 gates and making it to the flight, I was huffing and puffing. The flight attendant in the next flight promptly handed me a water bottle and said “sir please take your seat. we were waiting for you two. we have to taxi right away”. I went to my seat and told the other air hostess “ I have been holding from going to the restroom for the last 90 minutes. I have to go. It is urgent”. She said “please just hang on for another 10 minutes. once we are airborne you can go. if you get up, we cannot taxi. Already everyone has been waiting for you. “

So I waited. Then the turbulence was back on as soon as we took off.. the seat belt sign didn’t come off for another hour and 10 minutes. By that time I thought my bladder was going to rupture. Finally they let me go. Then there was another lady two seats ahead with a baby that desperately needed a diaper change. She was also constantly pressing the button. Out of goodwill I held it for another 5 minutes. When I finally tried to pee in that plane, pain hit me like never before to the point I was crying. Came back, sat down and was glad that I was going to be home soon. It was late in the night and the advice nurse told me to take Tylenol and rest and come see the doctor in the morning. if anything changed run to ER.

Woke up at 6AM and was peeing blood. The next 10 days has been a blur. In and out of hospital, getting to ER, Urgent care, back to ER, getting admitted, being tested constantly, round after round of antibiotics after they found that the infection had spread all the way to my kidneys. The whole family was in shock. After sometime at the hospital, they agreed to discharge me on condition that someone at home will do the medicine infusion. San said she will get trained but her hands were shaking and she freaked out. Luckily the kids were both bold enough and volunteered to do the infusion at home.

A word of praise to Kaiser. They did an outstanding job of taking care of me, sending medicine home on time for the infusions with a proper kit, meticulous follow ups, the nurses who took care of me as well as the ER doctors, not to mention my PCP who spotted right away that something was off after the first round of antibiotics. Lost 6-7lbs in the 10 days, my vocal volume and reduced mobility on my left hand thanks to the IV.

A “thoo” for Delta airlines. Understand turbulence is not in their control, but not a single flight was on time during that trip except the last one. They have a “we are like this only!” attitude that really made me sad. The flight attendents were sympathetic and said “very sorry” after they saw me come out with tears in my eyes, but that doesn’t help.

My colleagues at work were extremely supportive as were my professional connections. I was supposed to chair two sessions at a conference. Had a lot of expectations from that experience but could not even make it. The doctor told me “you can’t afford to get another infection right after this. Avoid crowds, especially where folks have traveled from far and wide for a conference”. Had to excuse myself. Could only work a few days with my phone and one hand. Was only able to listen in to some meetings.

My angels and my friends came to cheer me up in the hospital. Now that I am. normal they are all calling me an idiot and I am getting eye rolls from everyone for being stupid. All said and done, I should be more careful and not do stupid stuff like this anymore.

The last 5 days has seen me catch up with things at work, talk with my usual volume and also try Yoga again. There are still a few tests to check no lasting damage but as of now I have passed everything with flying colors. Just have to rebuild the good bacteria in my system.

Never take anything for granted !! One minute you are smiling and next thing you know, being delirious with a 103 fever blabbering nonsense in your sleep. I have never seen San so worried in recent times. Gave the family and friends a big scare.

The middle photo was from last evening when Jr. came running to tell me that the sky was putting on a show. So we went to the front door to take photos.

This morning I took a selfie to send to my mom after doing Bodhayana Amavasai tharpanam. Need to eat some more and get back to normal.

Wanted to write a post on International Yoga day as well after that biz trip and that never happened. So sharing a few photos from that day here..

Have been out of blogging, social media for almost three weeks now. Wrote this as a cautionary tale for folks and to get back to blogging. No one cleans airport restrooms or plane toilets anymore given every plane is late and airports are under staffed with mostly disgruntled employees who are all now contract workers with no benefits. Take your own toilet paper when you travel. Avoid plane and airport toilets where possible. At the risk of losing a flight, take that damn pee break. Finding alternate flights is easier than finding alternate kidneys! Not worth it!!

Will try to slowly finish blogging about that Japan trip from Spring!

A different kind of Tiger mom - Onitsuka - Japan Day 4

The previous post in this series is here..

After we had lunch near the golden pavilion, we took an Uber XL to Kyoto shopping area. It was already early evening and we went to the Onitsuka Tiger shoe store.

The little one had told us that we need to get her a pair of shoes at this store as it is a Japanese product that is cheaper in Japan than in the US. Also not all designs are available in US.

The Tiger mom went into overdrive to make her cub happy. We saw the line at the store was really long. Our friends saw the madness and said “we will go rest in the hotel. When you finish this and come back to the hotel, we can all go back for dinner”.

We stood in line for 2 hours just chatting with others in the line. Then our chance finally came. I had also selected a shoe in blue but it was sold out. Still we picked the version for the little one and also decided all of us should get one given the two hours spent in the line.

Then we made it back to the hotel. There is a Puma store right next to this one and we got socks for my buddy on the way there. We hope the Onitsuka’s are noticed on Bubb road during the local walks.. given their price, I might as well do pooja for it or carry it on my head instead.

Things we do…

We were to have dinner at a vegan place in Kyoto. Again a Jr. selection and she had made reservations. The food was good as was the service but the price was very high compared to other options we had seen. We were happy with the food. Then we made our way back to the hotel.

A very short video..

Our original plan had us spend another day here. We did change plans the previous day. We were going to our next stop a day early. It was going to be our last night in Kyoto..

Will start with our next stop in the next post..

The end of an era

Have not written anything in ages. We visited India to do the Varushabdhegam ceremony for my dad. A year has flown by since his passing and I had promised him over and over again that I will be there to do his rites. Planned this trip in Jan as soon as the calendar was available and dates were known.

This trip has been very challenging on every front. Physically exhausting as the best tickets were on Emirates in Jan and we had an unnecessary war to make flying through middle east miserable.

Mentally and emotionally I was oscillating between being numb to being in tears. My father saved everything. Every photo, inland letter from my college day, Aerograms from my grad school days, old photos, prizes I got, gifts, the first suitcase I took to IT-BHU, there was enough material in the attic to start a Sundar museum. Not to mention he had similar stuff for my brother and sister. Cleaning up everything and going through stuff was emotional.

Then there was a promise to go do a Pitr tharpanam in the himalayas (He did it in the late nineties) and I had no idea what to expect. Went and did it anyways. Two weeks of extreme stress, a few smiles from nostalgia here and there, some sighs of relief of things going as planned and a sense of completion and accomplishment that somehow we have done everything we possibly can for the dude to go into the afterlife.

If after all this his soul doesn’t rest in peace, when my time comes I will take a lot of people to task.

May take a lot of time to write about this trip in more detail. Given my emotional state, this will be a raw post. So after this will switch to another recent trip that never saw a mention.

Have spent three hours non stop looking at old photos and videos this evening. Had no idea 3 hours flew by. A rush of memories.. so randomly saved a few of the videos to my desktop and made the compilation at the end of this post..

My dad had a crappy childhood but he lucked out with my mom. So his life got better and better till Parkinson’s got him. I have inherited a lot of good things from him (hopefully not Parkinson’s). Going through the photos made me realize a lot of things all at once.

Still coming to terms with the fact that our vaadhyaar gave me a bunch of darbai and pavithrams and said “you are now set for a year of tharpanams”. My mom is living with my brother and finally she has seen the inside of a temple after a year of staying home. The familiar place where I would go see my dad or sing and have him nod his head or raise his eyebrows in silent appreciation is also moving on. I did get to sing a song for him one last time at the end of the ceremony. A vallalar song. He used to keep telling this story of how when I was almost 2 (before my brother was born) I would wear a towel around my head and hide behind a door. He would have to find me when coming back home from office and I would announce myself as “I am Ramalinga Adigal”. . . he would imitate me saying that as a baby. He never got tired of that story. So it was apt to sing it there.

My mom is a rock. She is probably dealing with this a lot better than any of us are. The good news is so is my wife. In some twist of fate, I have found an emotionally stoic woman like my mom who takes everything in her stride. Even for that I have to credit my dad.

I can ramble on for another four hours. So will stop here.. My mom told me not to junk anything in that house. So I took photos of 3700 photos and then cut them all up and tossed them. A bitter realization in the exercise is that once we are gone, the physical stuff we collect has to be a small curated shoe box. A few defining things. That is about it. I have 2000 books at home. Magnet boards with magnets from every place we visited, a ton of cassettes, CD’s DVD’s etc.. Not sure if anyone is ever going to look at anything.. so going to start a clean up exercise and change some habits going forward. It will be tough as it is not in my DNA. Time will tell..

My dad holding Jr. after her Mottai in 2003

A photo with my mom before we started doing the tharpanam two weeks ago..

As a child I have played cricket with this tree, climbed on the parapet walls here.. done paper kappals when the road would flood in rainy season.. it was bitter sweet walking with a lot of stuff my dad had saved, in that first suitcase he bought me for my undergrad in Varanasi.

This window view was all he had for most of the last 6 years of his life. The crows were his entertainment as he would watch the sunrise and sunset. Took this photo of a sunrise from that window..

This was the last photo I took of him when he came back from Apollo ICU in September 2024. He knew I would never see him again. Just a small wave of goodbye. He was cremated before I went and did the last rites. Living aboard has as many disadvantages as there are advantages.

We are moving on.. hopefully he is in a much better place now.

the video..

Adding this video of the Vallalar song here. Sang this a day after writing this post. Family who could not make it can listen to it. I was so emotional that afternoon that my attempt must have been a lot more flawed.

We did go do the Char dham and I did a Pitr Tarpanam in Gangothri on Ganga dushera for my dad and all ancestors. I am no Bhageeratha, but I am what my dad got. So he has to make do with my attempt.

It will be some time before I write about that. Mostly painful memories. My sincere request to folks is that this pilgrimage is not to be attempted unless you have 8 -9 days of travel time. Trying to do it in 5-6 days will be extremely painful. Also if you have any health issues or are traveling with older people, this trip is not for you!

Happy to be back home and hug the kids. Folks at work who are culturally insensitive kept asking me how my “vacation went’ inspite of me telling them this is more of an extended bereavement. Good thing I didn’t go postal.

Also don’t know why Baudhayana had to make every thing more complex for his followers. Some day if I get to meet him in spirit, my first question would be “why this kolaveri?”. The Apastambha guys seem to have it easy.

Happy to be writing in this space again.. hopefully will cheer up from tomorrow. I have a good feeling about tomorrow.