The "Thank you" tour

Had called to wish my dad on new years eve. He was almost 85 and in diapers and he was not liking his quality of life. That is to put it mildly. He wanted to see me. Having gone to India every three months the previous year on business trips and having spent at least a weekend with him on those trips made it appear that we were meeting "regularly". 

Since last June my roles changed and India trips were not on the agenda. So it was understanable my dad felt that way. Also my mom reminded me that there were some "vendudhals" that were not done. The family astrologer had requested that we (San and me) go together to visit the family deity in Gunaseelam soon. San and me haven't been to India together since 2019! So we decided to do a bunch of things all at once and on an impulse bought short notice tickets to fly to India for two weeks. 

Given the girls are both in college we picked a time when they will be busy with classes, to go to India. 14 days from start to finish, 3 days for the US to India travel and back.. do as much as possible in 11 days within India! 

We are coming up on our 25th wedding anniversary in 3 months. We wanted to get blessings from my parents, inlaws, family, all the gods we know and all the gods we don't know and any higher powers that be on this trip. We are not Ambanis, but think of this as our pre-anniversary celebration! 

It is a miracle that we did everything we wanted to and made it back without any sickness.  Will blog about this trip over next few weeks. Thanked the gods in every temple we visited, for giving me San in this life.

If my life had a jingle it will be "Sundar, brought to you by Sangeetha!". Somehow this girl I had just met, took a huge chance on me knowing I was a basketcase, and decided to make something of a life for both of us.

Did pray for all my family and friends as well, every chance I got. 

Jr. called me to say "don't over pray or the gods will get bored!".  That didn't stop me!

Jotting down our trip stops in this post, as a memory marker to write subsequent posts.. Eventually will link all of them here.. 

Day 1 (in India) : Land in Mumbai and within 3 hours visit Mahalakshmi, Siddhi Vinayak

Day 2: Chedda Nagar Murugan temple Abhishegam (highlight 1)

Day 3: spent shopping and eating out!

Day 4: fly to Chennai

Day 5: Kapaleeshwar temple, valeeswarar, Saradhambal temple, Vembadi vinayagar

Day 6 : train to Rameshwaram

Day 7: Ramanadhaswamy temple and bath in the 22 wells (trip highlight 2), Ramar padam, Panchamukha Hanuman temple, Lakshmana theertham, Thiruppulaani, Uttarakosamangai and off to Madurai

Day 8: Meenakshi Amman temple, Koodal Azhagar, Noopura gangai, Pazhamudhir Solai temple, Kalazhaghar, Thiruparangundram, Thiruperundhurai Aavudaiyaar kovil, Pudukkottai Bhuvaneshwari amman temple and off to Trichy

Day 9: Sreeranganathar, Jambulingeshwarar, Gunaseelam Perumal (this was the 3rd and biggest trip highlight), Thirupaanjali Siva-Yaman temple, Thiruvellarai temple, Uttamar kovil and off to Tanjore with a stop at the Palace museum and Brighadeeswara temple (Tanjavoor Periya kovil) and off by train to Thrissur

Day 10 : Vadakkumnathan temple, Thiruvambady Krishna temple, then to Guruvayoor temple, Maamiyur Shiva Vishnu temple then drive to Cochin and fly back to Mumbai

Day 11 : Santoshi Maa temple in Chembur and a movie with San in the evening (Fighter.. meh!)

Day 12 : Juma Hanuman temple, Saradhambaal temple, Lakshmi Narasimhar temple (Ahobila mutt's) all in Chembur followed by two back to back movies (my in-laws live right next to a movie theater complex.. we can walk down and it is there!! and the theaters are mostly empty!).. DUNE 2 and Laapata Ladies which we loved.

Day 13 : pack and Visit Jio world Plaza and take off early the following morning from Mumbai to SFO with a layover in BLR

Hopefully have mentioned all the major places where we stopped. 

We fell at my parents feet for blessings and my dad who seems to be floating in space and time and he blessed us saying "now that you are married, may you have a child.. a boy!". My mom smiled and said "let it go".. she knows my take on the "boy child" blessing. I usually burn people to ashes (or try to) with my gaze when folks in India make this an issue with not having boys.  My dad is past all that. So it was easy to let it go. All that yoga has really helped. We made it to see him, even if for a few hours to wish him for his 85th birthday. It was a short and sweet flying visit. 

Grateful to all the higher powers for giving us two wonderful kids and did make it a point to say thanks. 

We do not know when we will visit India.. it might not happen anytime soon given work trajectories and kids getting busier in college. 

There is a saying "you don't get to see god when you want to.. you get to see them if they want to see you!" 

If I had to look for a highlight photo of this trip.. this is it.. Photo on the left is the first ever portrait we took together at a JC Penny a few months after we were married. Photo on right taken by San's mama at Murugan temple in Mumbai.. San gets prettier by the day (she wore the same Sari after ~25 years to make the point)

There are almost 1400 photos and videos in total to cull through and write about. For once I did't even take my SLR on the trip. Everything on the iPhone where photos were allowed.  Will get to it..

A special 60 day yoga challenge

Folks who read this blog and know me or even randomly see me on the street (pretty much all of Cupertino) know:

- There is a Bikram Yoga San Jose

- There is something called a 60 day challenge at BYSJ

- and "I did it!"

They might also have concluded that I have only one shirt in my entire wardrobe and wear it all the time, possibly due to some psychological disorder where I have to wear the same shirt.

A more astute observer might have noticed that the blue T-shirt has different levels of fading due to repeated washing over years and therefore, cannot be the same shirt.

This fact has been reinforced over last year, now that there are two additional colors added to the collection. 

Why do I keep wearing this shirt? 

1. It was a T-shirt not bought, but hard earned by doing 60 hot yoga classes in 60 days (miss one and you do two on another day to compensate). A 90 minute yoga class is just that, no matter how many times you have done it before (2390 to date for me, given I have a tracker) and every class is different. You go in with a different levels of physical and emotional baggage and you hopefully come out without it after the class, if you give it your all.

2. It is a really nice shirt. Great fabric. Absorbs sweat after yoga class so the car seat doesn't get the sweat and it fits me nicely. 

3. Navy blue is my favorite color. Most of my clothes are blue!

Over the years, have done 10 of these 60 day challenges. The first few years, BYSJ used to give out little Oscar like trophies. So as of now, have 4 tropies and 6 T-shirts. Have requested the Yoga studio for an exchange program so we can turn in the old trophies for T-shirts, given it is practically the only thing I wear all the time and it is good publicity for the studio and Yoga!

This was my 11th Challenge and it was very very special. My wife signed up for it!!! Why? She was trying to heal her ankle injury and was trying all kinds of things. So I told her to try to do yoga with me as it is a definitely good thing. She came for a few days, saw an improvement and decided to sign up for the 60 day challenge. She was okay with me signing up as well. We were going through a lot of stuff at home and doing any activity with my wife on a regular basis usually ends up being challenging. So I was hesitant at first.

Then I got used to doing Yoga with my wife. Initially I would always try to look back at her in the second row to see if she is overdoing some poses or she is messing up Vajrasana which is great for ankles but only if done right. Then my teachers would all go help her do it right in the first 10 days. We would also plan and try to schedule classes together and it ended up being fun.

We both finished the challenge on the same day and put stickers up. Given my OCD, my teachers saved me a stash of purple stickers in the last week, so I could have the joy of putting up stickers. My teachers and the Karma Yoga helpers at BYSJ keep laughing at me for my sticker anxiety. I had 6 stickers left to place and they were running out of purple stickers. So I went and told them, "this is like doing a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle to find out that you are missing the last piece".  They understood. Next year I have been asked to change colors for stickers every 5 classes or so, try to be in different spots in the yoga room, etc.. in other words, break the routine. That might be the real challenge. As you can clearly tell, wife seems to have no such issues. Puts whatever color is available. We are very different creatures.

It has been 3 1/2 years since I stopped drinking water during class. So the 60 days of doing yoga, in studio with the heat and humidity, without water and with a mask on was interesting, but totally doable. So if any of you reading this are thinking about trying to get back into the hot room, you can do it with the mask. No problem. You will get used to it in two days.(you are allowed to drink water.. I just do this as an additional challenge and it helps me suck in my stomach more during poses)

San and me did yoga together on most days. Sometimes we had to juggle doctor appointments for the kid and would go at different times. Once San's ankle started healing and she started on baby hikes again, we still did yoga after the hikes.

There is something to be said about sweating it out and breathing with single minded focus. My job has not been a cake walk for the last three months. It is more me than the job. Going from being in startups for 15 years to a big company takes some adjusting to. Things that take hours takes weeks, things that take weeks take quarters. All that fire and drive from startup life, hits a concrete wall of layered bureaucracy and quicksand like interactions. It takes some time to recalibrate oneself to the new normal, but I have learned to take enough deep breaths and have fun in the new enviorns. The 60 day challenge definitely helped in this process.

This was taken after finishing 60. Really happy for San as she finished this! For once she gets to talk about the challenge at the 60 day challenge party while I get to cheer her!

My teachers are amazing! They push me, correct me, know exactly when I am about to give up and give me that look that says "how dare you?" at just the right time to keep me going. Forever grateful to them for making me a better person on a daily basis. 

My MIL has wanted to do this challenge with me for 10 years, but never found the time on her travel schedule. Very happy that my wife did yoga with me for a couple of months and thrilled to see her do a 60 day challenge. Hopefully she starts doing Yoga more regularly and comes with me at least a few times a week. It is also my hope that my MIL will also get to finish this challenge in the coming years. 

A very happy Teachers day to all my yoga teachers and all my teachers!! 

BYSJ is a very very special place. It is truly a home away from home. It is a place where you can go in with a lot of issues and come out feeling a lot better than you went in. No other place of exercise, no hospital or temple has beat that for me yet! Watching my wife or kids smile is a close second. A long trip or hike in nature or watching the sunset over the pacifica, is a distant third!

Looking forward to getting a new T-shirt to add to the collection. Now I have one for every day of the week!

Back with a small pop?

No big BANG! 

Wife's ankle is slowly healing and we went on the inaugural walk with friends. It was not exactly a hike by old standards. It was the Zinfandel trail at the local Pichetti winery. Maybe this trail is called Zinfandel because it is the wine people are given who are trying wine for the first time... "almost grape juice" type stuff? That was what was going through my mind while we walked the trail.

It is 4 miles up and down and only steep for a 5-10 minute stretch. We went early in the morning and were down by morning tea time!

We got a decent view and came back without any further event. Uneventful hikes are good for starters!

We are back.. that is all that matters!

Why did this blog go dormant?

It has been almost two months since any blog entires. It was not intentional. We had a great summer beginning when every weekend saw a new hike, nature photos and happy smiling faces. 

Then things changed, in a fraction of a second. My wife went to Windy hill hike with a friend and did the simple common mistake of not looking where she is walking. In a spilt second her shoe gets stuck in a root on the path and her ankle was twisted. She decided it was "just a sprain" and decided to go on a larger hike during memorial day weekend which made matters a lot worse.

After many X-rays, MRI, bottles of Ibuprofen,Voltaren,Icy-hot,dencorub,CBD oil, etc. etc.. (it is actually a long list), ankle braces, doctor appointments, chiropractor visits, even Bikram yoga with me and my MIL later... she is almost walking normally again within the house and on solid concrete floors. 

Every week was "it will get better in three weeks" and almost three months passed. We are still happy with the progress. If the queen is not happy, the kingdom cannot be happy. Given the blog is usually positive, I just stayed away from it. 

My new job also got interesting. A lot more work came up in the last 6 weeks. After being in startups for 15 years, a big company has a very different feel. Some things work more efficiently. There are systems in place for everything and that is great. Some things are incredibly slow which is to be expected and I had to significantly reduce my internal clock speed to set realistic expectations. Think I am reasonably adjusted now, we will know in a few quarters (you expected me to say "shortly" didn't you! have learned my lesson). 

Then things got interesting everywhere else. We had a flying visit from the BIL's family for three days during the July 4th weekend and more sickness around the house. We are all on the mend now and that is why I decided to catch up on blogging.

First for some small things. My co-sister decided to bring us a gift when they visited. We have a lot of hummingbirds in our backyard. So asked her to get us a hummingbird feeder. I had plans to get a regular bird feeder. We recently had a bird hit our window and die right there. Wanted to give back something to our backyard birds for the hours of entertainment they provide when we drink tea on the swing and watch them.

Got a couple of shepards hooks, posted them inside flower pots and set it all up. As an added bonus set up a water fountain as a project, working with my two nieces. It was an instant success. 

Here are some photos and videos..

I have never seen a baby hummingbird.. we all call it "baby hammu" and it is incredibly cute! 

The rest of the sparrows, finches, crows, doves and squirrels are all gathering around this small area and I just watch the backyard as I work. Making powerpoint slides becomes easier when these critters are around!

Never even got to edit all the photos from the July 4th trip. Will spend an hour a day and get back to blogging and the photo editing! My connection to music also got stronger over the last few months. Will write about it later!

For now, I am happy that the blog saw a post!

A toothbrush, napkin wrapper and an evening of shopping

Could have titled this post "three conversations" but that would be bland..

On recent Asia trips, I have started a new habit. Take the toiletries I use in the hotel room and put them in by backpack every day.. then bring them home, use them a few more times before throwing them. My little contribution to the "green earth" campaign? Actually not! 

A colleage told me that he saw a youtube video where the folks who come clean the rooms in star hotels in Asia, were caught on hidden camera, using the guest's toothbrushes in the toilet just out of spite. "Why take chances?" was my logic.

Came back from the trip and was about to throw the comb and brush (which had squished itself in my backpack and was not usable anymore) into the bathroom bin, and saw teh green glow of the sanitary napkin wrapper under the bin lid. Given my jet lag and my inclination to randomly burst out at my wife and kids for 24 hours after the trip, either when woken up or when asked to do pick up drop offs where I see myself unfit for driving, this wrapper put me on high alert. So the next day I was doing everything, as my usual being extra nice to my wife routine. Did not talk back, accepted last minute schedule changes, etc. I was tired and pissed off in general, but was okay with it.

Then we have a conversation where my wife asks me do take the kids somewhere, at the last minute and I said "fine!". My kids were genuinely suprised by this. After she left the house, they asked "what is going on?". She has asked you to do things quite at the last mintue since yesterday and you have been accepting this. This is the third time just today... Did you do something wrong? 

Me: Look, your mom has also been tired as I have been gone for a week. She is going through a busy time at work, has been doing all the driving by herself and also she is "aathula illai"!

"aathula illai" literally translates to "she is not in the house" and figuratively means "she is on her periods". The kids were rolling and laughing out loud. When I asked them why, they tell me that the only remaining box of pads was in our bathroom, and when they go to our bathroom to grab pads, they unwrap and put the cover and stickers in our bin.  The joke was apparently on me and I was being extra nice for no reason... I was going to ask "wait, how long has this being going on?" and was about to lecture them on the importance of using their own bin for their own trash as it is sending me wrong signals, and decided.. yeah, the joke was on me. It was okay to be nice to San even if for all the wrong reasons.

So I throttled back on the nice a little bit. I still had jet lag. An attempt to do yoga to fight jet lag ended up with me running out of the hot room to get rid of stomach acid and I really was unable to fight the afternoon nap, which ended up being more than a nap. 

I walk around after this "nap" in zombieland and overhear the wife and kids having a conversation about what to do on our 20th wedding anniversary. Instead of walking on by, made the mistake of blurting out,  "lets go somewhere local so we can have a day out and come back home by evening and celebrate dinner at home with family and friends"... the looks.. oh the looks I got in response! They were planning something else.. then the kids look at me and ask "wait ! isn't this YOUR anniversary as in both of you? so why is Amma planning something on her own. She said it is HER anniversary" . My response was "she is giving herself an award for putting up with me for 20 years! I might not even be invited to the celebration and won't be surpised if that happens!" 

This is shortly followed by me being asked to come along on a shopping trip. Went very very reluctantly because I was guilted into coming. Was answering phone calls outside a shop and was busy taking pictures of a crow inside the mall when we decided that one kid should go with each parent to shorten the shopping time.

Walked around with Jr. and found out through some Matlock / Colombo style detective work that she was going to go on a banquet with her Marching band and was planning to buy a "dress" for it. She tried some stuff and was not happy. Then I told her "it is cold out. you are doing straight to a dinner and coming back. just wear a nice shirt and a good sweater on top, which you have plenty of, no?" and she says "you are right. I will do that. it is a good idea!"  I was really surprised. Would I in this lifetime see my daughter become a value shopper like me? would she ever bargain with multiple vendors to find the base price and do a deal where they still make money and she would get a good deal? My head was racing with the possibilities!

Then we are having dinner and the little one says "I am Appa!".. I was a little confused. Is this some "We are with Paris" type thing she is starting, to make me feel better?! Turns out, she just realized that she eats just like me.. Her friends were telling her that she eats like a camel by moving her lower jaw out and she was watching me eat and realized she does the same thing. So, it wasn't some kind of solidarity movement. Just a bitter realization, but she was smiling and was giving me a "Guess there is no escaping the genes!" look. 

Later,  San shows me a few sarees online to see which ones I liked. Picked three on the a vs. b choices she gave and she said ...all those are old lady sarees. they are not "chinna ponnu" sarees... (Chinna Ponnu is little girl quite literally). On the one hand we have the bearded me trying to tell the world he is done with looks and has accepted his age while we have a chinna ponnu with two chinna ponnu's under the same roof. I did not even respond to that comment and just nodded, thinking "The generation gap between us is increasing rapidly!" 

Have realized over the last few months that it doesn't take much to make myself happy. I can be alone and reset myself. Can stare at myself in the mirror and come out with a "don't care" attitude. Feels more and more like I am forcing myself through the daily routines, as part of a responsibilty and commitment but take no joy in certain things like chauffering or even shaving anymore. San hates the chauffering equally as she does my beard. 

The life cycle was explained to us in middle school as a four stage process.. first stage, bachelor hood, 15 years of studying and being a good boy, then 15 years of married life and having kids, then 15 years of living in the forest and the last 15 of being an ascetic renouncing stuff. Now that retirement age keeps rising, even the Wikipedia entries for the four ashramas are being pushed to 24 freaking years each!!! I don't think I will live past 70 anyways, so the whole thing is messed up.

Maybe I have reached that stage in life where one is supposed to say bye to everyone and walk into the forest alongwith my wife, to live out our last years? Don't think "chinna ponnu" is likely to follow me into any forest anytime soon, or even a national park for that matter. It was my dream to rent an RV and just visit every national park in the continental US, go on long hikes and take time to photograph sunsets, with no time limit to come back to the parking lot. San used to share that dream, given we both liked long road trips before we had kids. I used to haul my camera bag and she used to carry my tripod and walk with me to watch / capture the sunset. Now I don't think all the time in the world is going to be enough for me to get to those same locations we visited before, from even the closest parking lots carrying that camera bag! 

My family tells me that my battery is low. I am not excited for anything anymore. I don't know why! Maybe I need a career change. Maybe all this travel has turned me into an emotionless lump. Maybe I am just too tired to fight the good fight on a daily basis. Maybe yoga has turned me into a very inward person who has become extremely selfish subconsciously (not my theory). Maybe I need some Glucon-D or Cinkara ?! (see, there is still a funny guy somewhere in there).

Still writing down these odd little conversations,  because this is what life is about in my eyes.. things kids say and do, how we evolve as children, as parents, how a mundane or not so mundane routine impacts us in ways that are deep, lifes little victories and defeats, perceptions right and wrong,  all over a span of few days, sometimes a few hours! 

A lot less grumpy today and the routine continues. Have to make an effort to find my interest in everyday things back to that stage where every little thing that my wife or kids did filled me with amazment and wonder. It is not their issue, it is clearly a waning of my ability to see the magic that is happening in front of my eyes. Need those special glasses back...

It will happen!