The "Thank you" tour

Had called to wish my dad on new years eve. He was almost 85 and in diapers and he was not liking his quality of life. That is to put it mildly. He wanted to see me. Having gone to India every three months the previous year on business trips and having spent at least a weekend with him on those trips made it appear that we were meeting "regularly". 

Since last June my roles changed and India trips were not on the agenda. So it was understanable my dad felt that way. Also my mom reminded me that there were some "vendudhals" that were not done. The family astrologer had requested that we (San and me) go together to visit the family deity in Gunaseelam soon. San and me haven't been to India together since 2019! So we decided to do a bunch of things all at once and on an impulse bought short notice tickets to fly to India for two weeks. 

Given the girls are both in college we picked a time when they will be busy with classes, to go to India. 14 days from start to finish, 3 days for the US to India travel and back.. do as much as possible in 11 days within India! 

We are coming up on our 25th wedding anniversary in 3 months. We wanted to get blessings from my parents, inlaws, family, all the gods we know and all the gods we don't know and any higher powers that be on this trip. We are not Ambanis, but think of this as our pre-anniversary celebration! 

It is a miracle that we did everything we wanted to and made it back without any sickness.  Will blog about this trip over next few weeks. Thanked the gods in every temple we visited, for giving me San in this life.

If my life had a jingle it will be "Sundar, brought to you by Sangeetha!". Somehow this girl I had just met, took a huge chance on me knowing I was a basketcase, and decided to make something of a life for both of us.

Did pray for all my family and friends as well, every chance I got. 

Jr. called me to say "don't over pray or the gods will get bored!".  That didn't stop me!

Jotting down our trip stops in this post, as a memory marker to write subsequent posts.. Eventually will link all of them here.. 

Day 1 (in India) : Land in Mumbai and within 3 hours visit Mahalakshmi, Siddhi Vinayak

Day 2: Chedda Nagar Murugan temple Abhishegam (highlight 1)

Day 3: spent shopping and eating out!

Day 4: fly to Chennai

Day 5: Kapaleeshwar temple, valeeswarar, Saradhambal temple, Vembadi vinayagar

Day 6 : train to Rameshwaram

Day 7: Ramanadhaswamy temple and bath in the 22 wells (trip highlight 2), Ramar padam, Panchamukha Hanuman temple, Lakshmana theertham, Thiruppulaani, Uttarakosamangai and off to Madurai

Day 8: Meenakshi Amman temple, Koodal Azhagar, Noopura gangai, Pazhamudhir Solai temple, Kalazhaghar, Thiruparangundram, Thiruperundhurai Aavudaiyaar kovil, Pudukkottai Bhuvaneshwari amman temple and off to Trichy

Day 9: Sreeranganathar, Jambulingeshwarar, Gunaseelam Perumal (this was the 3rd and biggest trip highlight), Thirupaanjali Siva-Yaman temple, Thiruvellarai temple, Uttamar kovil and off to Tanjore with a stop at the Palace museum and Brighadeeswara temple (Tanjavoor Periya kovil) and off by train to Thrissur

Day 10 : Vadakkumnathan temple, Thiruvambady Krishna temple, then to Guruvayoor temple, Maamiyur Shiva Vishnu temple then drive to Cochin and fly back to Mumbai

Day 11 : Santoshi Maa temple in Chembur and a movie with San in the evening (Fighter.. meh!)

Day 12 : Juma Hanuman temple, Saradhambaal temple, Lakshmi Narasimhar temple (Ahobila mutt's) all in Chembur followed by two back to back movies (my in-laws live right next to a movie theater complex.. we can walk down and it is there!! and the theaters are mostly empty!).. DUNE 2 and Laapata Ladies which we loved.

Day 13 : pack and Visit Jio world Plaza and take off early the following morning from Mumbai to SFO with a layover in BLR

Hopefully have mentioned all the major places where we stopped. 

We fell at my parents feet for blessings and my dad who seems to be floating in space and time and he blessed us saying "now that you are married, may you have a child.. a boy!". My mom smiled and said "let it go".. she knows my take on the "boy child" blessing. I usually burn people to ashes (or try to) with my gaze when folks in India make this an issue with not having boys.  My dad is past all that. So it was easy to let it go. All that yoga has really helped. We made it to see him, even if for a few hours to wish him for his 85th birthday. It was a short and sweet flying visit. 

Grateful to all the higher powers for giving us two wonderful kids and did make it a point to say thanks. 

We do not know when we will visit India.. it might not happen anytime soon given work trajectories and kids getting busier in college. 

There is a saying "you don't get to see god when you want to.. you get to see them if they want to see you!" 

If I had to look for a highlight photo of this trip.. this is it.. Photo on the left is the first ever portrait we took together at a JC Penny a few months after we were married. Photo on right taken by San's mama at Murugan temple in Mumbai.. San gets prettier by the day (she wore the same Sari after ~25 years to make the point)

There are almost 1400 photos and videos in total to cull through and write about. For once I did't even take my SLR on the trip. Everything on the iPhone where photos were allowed.  Will get to it..

Great grandma visits and binge eating..

On our 5 day India trip, we managed to visit all great grandparents, thanks to some efficient auto rickshaws..

my maternal grandma is 90+ and her mind is very active. She is unable ot walk and she no longer asks me "when will my time come". she has been asking me that since my grandpa passed away almost 10 years ago. She has come to realize that no one knows.. and is now reading books to pass her time. She blessed us with all her heart!

San's grandparents are also pushing 90 and they are doing okay given their age. Walkers, hearing aids, etc. A slow methodical life and an approach of taking it one day at a time. Some lessons for San and me there.. Grandpa told me that till a few years ago he was doing yoga regularly including Nauli but now he is not able to. He is still active given his age and is a role model for all of us.

The best part was that they were the couple honored during my fathers sadhabhishgam as part of the "dhambati pooja" and given I was doing the pooja in proxy for my dad who could not bend down, it was a great honor! Will write a separate post on the function and what we did as part of it.. 

Then there was the eating in three places..

We went to watch Toy Story movie at the mall in 3D.. it has been some time since I saw anything in 3D given the massive headaches I get for days after watching any 3D movie.. but the kids wanted to go together somewhere and an Air conditioned theater was a good idea! After the movie the kids decided based on reviews that the best place that would accomodate everyones menu requests was Haven Sampoorna right near Phoenix mall in Velachery. It was an interesting place. I got my butter naan and side dishes and the kids who wanted pasta, got their pasta.. food was good. service was good. ambience was funny.. 

 Here is PIchchai Sundar with Sundar PIchchai... (kid you not, this was the photo right behind my chair)

you have no idea how many jokes I have to put up with ever since this guy became Google CEO. We are both the same age, went to similar schools and the same IIT coaching class in Chennai, think he also studied metallurgy, went to work for semi conductor companies ... I stayed in Semi and am traveling back and forth to Asia.. he moved to software and management..and probably has a lot of things going for him that I simply don't have or want.. but the jokes, they keep on coming.. So it was only fitting that I ended up below that photo! 

The sceond place we ate was Amethyst.. again nice ambience, relatively quiet and excellent food.. we went for evening coffee/ tea with San's cousin and brother's family who also happened to be visiting and ended up eating a lot of stuff..

The last place we went to was in Matsya in Adayar.. on a previous trip we had gone to another Matsya branch.. this was closer to where we stayed. It was also a nice place (we didnt take pictures). It was raining in Chennai that evening and we were all not our best when we got there. The funny thing with Ola/ Auto etc. is that they drop you off at the location but on the opposite side of the street and there is no way to cross over for a good kilometer either way! So we walked around a flyover for 25 minutes to get to the place. The dinner was great though. They had an amazing variety of dosas and cricket matches playing on 4 different TV's.. so I got to watch cricket and eat dosas.. 

That was pretty much all the activities we did outside of the function. 

Still waiting for photos from the function itself...

Missing San's maternal grandma who passed away recently as I write this post. We would always make a visit to see her as well. She passed away three months ago. 

Great grandparents are precious.. the way things are going, not a lot of kids get to see their great grandparents! 

Birthday happiness

Last year was 45. Folks reminded me that once you cross 45, you become less employable, etc. etc.

This year had the same birthday ingredients and that is a good thing. Last year's birthday was on the day before Thanksgiving and ended up at the company party.

This year, the birthday ended up being on Thanksgiving. The company picnic was interesting.. we had caricature artists which was a lot of fun. 

This is a collage of two different caricature artists interpretation, a selfie at the party and a picture of me the next morning.

guess the profile of how you sit down in front of the artist makes him draw you with a long face or a round face.. 

The actual birthday started with Yoga bright and early.

By the time I got back home, showered and made and drank tea, no one had woken up. That was still teh state for another hour and finally the family woke up one by one.. we were in Vacation mode, and it was a good thing!

Then came Lunch at my favorite place.. Bhavika aunty made me "mini" pooran poli's. I call them Personal-Pan-Poli's. They were absolutely yummy.  The entire Bhavika's family was surprised by my Swamiji look. Told them it is just a temporary experiment. 

Then there was a post lunch get together with friends, where again folks who had not seen me in some time were pop quizzing me on the new look. There was the group photo where the rudraksham was put outside the sweater.. so they could lay claim to having known Swamiji before he became an internet sensation.... the jokes were all good. Looks like all one has to do is:

1. Stop shaving

2. Declare an intent to add "ananda" or "saraswathi" to one name

3. be able to come up with some wise ass remarks

4. give an all knowing sarcastic smile

5. insult the intelligence of anyone who is willing to listen to you 

and a moment creates itself around you! Next thing you know, Sri Sundarananda Saraswathi is the water cooler topic.. 

There was a special banana bread for me to cut.. which was yummy.. by this time I was ready to be the acting double for the burmese python in the Harry Potter movies...

This year I also got my other wish.. an afternoon nap on my birthday! 

Then came the India women playing the England women at the World T20 Cricket semi finals and they lost big time. This was an undefeated team till the Semi finals.. and they just lost it. It was a good reminder for me that I was a lucky guy to have a lot of things go my way so far.. 

Was also thinking about my grandpa a lot be it at the company party or on my birthday. It has been 9 years since he passed away. Listented to him reciting slokas for a good 30 minutes and recited along with him. Thanks to technology this is possible!

Then we went to spend the evening with friends, have Italian food for dinner, music, games and finally called it a night. It was past midnight when we got home. 

It was a fun evening spent with smiles all around!

My friend also gave me her one word review of the beard "sahikkalai"! (unberable) which created some instant solidarity moments between the rest of my family members and her. There is a new Swami Army in town and it is hell bent on "making Swamiji Sundar again"

The only thing which we could not cram on the birthday wishlist was to go for a movie. Usually I go to a Bond movie, Harry Potter Movie or Marvel movie on my birthday with San, MIL, kids or whoever from that combination will come to the movie with me (also depends on the movie). Last year San and me went for Justice League. 

This year I wanted to see Venom first as it was already going out of a lot of theaters. It was going to be like a "Stan Lee homage visit". There were no favorable show times.. so we went to see Venom today. 

While driving there San started pop quzzing me "who is the hero? who is the heroine? etc." and I got worried. There were some expectations to set.

Me : We are going to a movie titled "venom". he is not even a good superhero. He is more like a supervillain type.. this is not a chick flick ! There are no songs, duets etc. etc.. I don't know the full story but heard there is a twist at the end of the movie. 

San was betting that no matter what, there had to be a hero, heroine, love angle, villain for any Marvel movie to work and I was shaking my head..

We came out of the movie with the realization that she was right! Both of us liked this movie. 

The birthday has now come and gone but we will use this excuse to watch another movie or two over what is left of the long weekend. Then it will be pedal to the metal again till Christmas. 

My birthday events are getting predictable and to me that is a good thing.

It has been a good week so far! Hope this year finishes off on a good note!

A false sense of security

Conversation with gay friends a few years ago:  "don't be fooled by the rainbow lighting in the white house. the world is not as pro gay rights as we are led to believe"

We all learned that the folks who went and registered themselves under DACA were naive. They were signing up to be on a round up list when the administration changed.

See the same thing with the MeToo movement. Women are being lulled into a false sense of security and are coming out and naming accusers. 

All those so called Twitter supporters might as well be bots who are echoing election messages for money. People who are sitting on their couches with their laptops, typing frantically on social media, offering their words of support and hashtags, cannot do anything when it comes to actually backing these women all the way to get justice. 

The country(ies) are run by the rich class that is actually part of the problem. The political class, is definitely part of the problem as power has corrupted folks into thinking they can get away with anything and usually it is a case of people scratching peoples back. 

The media will move on to the next best thing, be it toilet paper intentionally left on DJT's shoes as he boards the next plane or Melania's faux pas in Africa. 

Meanwhile the poor women will go through being shamed all over again, be forgotten with the next news cycle and the same guys who were accused will come back to their day jobs using their money, power, influence to haunt their accusers and make them disappear. 

The ones that set the example are always the creeps. Very rarely do we see justice (which again seems disproportionate) for a Cosby or a Weinstein. 

The most powerful man in the world today thinks it is okay to grab women by their body parts and he is still out there. 

So many folks were named as part of the metoo movement. The standard Modus Operandi for the perps seems to be :

1. Why did you not come forward earlier?

2. How come you cannot remember details clearly?

3. If 1 and 2 are answered, they plant a fake accuser whose credibiilty can be questioned and then use that to say "all accusers are not credible" 

4. shaming using multiple methods

Have seen this over and over and over again. 

My kid came and told me "who will believe us if something like that happened to us? no wonder no one comes forward and accuses anyone because no one will believe the woman!" and my answer was "I will definitely believe you. I am your dad". 

It is a sad day if your daughter has doubts on the world when it comes to people believing a woman's word against a man. 

Sincerely want women to band together on this. Women need to believe other women. 

Ladies, if you know a woman who believes "boys will be boys".. "locker room talk" etc. please convince that person that it is not acceptable and it is wrong. Maybe a woman can change the mind of another woman?

Nothing is worse than a mother endorsing such behavior for a son or a wife endorsing such behavior from a husband. 

I grew up in a very male chauvinistic society. Then I ended up in a country where women think they are in much better shape than any place in the world, only to see again and again that it is not much different. 

To all those brave women who are coming forward and naming accusers, the world is not ready for you. My kid is right. One man believing her is not enough. The world will come back and get you. So think twice before you come forward. All those retweets won't save you as they pale against money, power and influence in the real world.  It is not a million candles burning for you. It is one candle and a lot of mirrors. That one flickers and dies and it is total darkness. 

The most powerful country in the world saw a circus to nominate a SC judge who will decide many cases that determine the fate of women and we saw what happened.  There is no chance for ordinary people to get any justice. 

Wait a few years, till something big happens. Something real. Not Twitter rage. Some new laws and regulations when it comes to meaningful investigations and consequences for folks found guilty. A time when a woman goes in front of a panel of people where the percentage of women on the panel is same as the percentage women out there.. even then you should think twice.

A sincere request to all those who are encouraging the women who have come forward for more details on their revelations, or asking more folks to come forward.. please stay behind them to the end. Retweeing might make you feel you have done the right thing, but you are actually doing more damage to people because at the end of the day they face all the conquences while you will still be on your couch with your laptop doing the same thing. 

This post is doing the same on the other side of things, and that is not lost on me.  I am on a couch writing this, but someone needs to caution these women that they are not being backed up as they might think.

The world is not ready for Metoo

Wish it was!

Colgategate

You would think that after 58 trips to Asia, you have seen it all. Then you come across something new..

The hotel has the usual stuff on the bathroom sink. 

Except now the paste and brush are in a box labelled "Dental Kit". Okay, I think. Someone new in marketing trying to copy things from a fancy hotel to a local China hotel. 

Then I open the box and in there is a paste that I don't give a second thought to. The usual is a Colgate paste and a simple toothbrush. This one with a white cap instead of the usual red but for some reason it doesn't raise a flag.

There is always a small Aluminum foil seal that you have to open before accessing the toothpaste. Still groggy and jet lagged (it is 3:30 AM and I want to brush my teeth before eating San's Ziplock packed Idlis), I pull out the Aluminum foil and then press the tube, but nothing comes out!

Turns out the entire mouth of the tube is sealed in plastic, kind of like the shaving kit in other hotels. So I try to poke the plastic out by pressing the tube into the other side of the red plastic cap which has a sharp point and in the process, the cap cuts my finger!

I was swearing about the degrading quality of Colgate and how monopolies create bad quality eventually etc. etc. in my head and look at the paste.. and realized it is a local Chinese toothpaste. It did say on the tube to use the pokey end to open. But it was not easy to open. The same thing with the brushes.. The Colgates are being replaced by local no name brands. 

Another hotel now just has "toothpaste".. that looks like Colgate (same colors, similar packaging) but it is just that we dont have anything more on the tube. God knows what is in it!

In past trips, I have brought back the brushes and used them for two weeks and throw them before going out on next trip. One thing about international travel every three weeks is that I am finally following my dentists advice on getting new toothbrushes on a regular basis!  which brings us to..

yes.. combs as well. I get a new comb every three weeks. It is something of a joke as on the recent trip, this was found in the hotel room in Italy just when I was doing a final check before checking out..

Have started looking at the paste to see what it is that I am putting into my mouth first thing in the morning and have been surprised.. 

These are all clever disguising strategies but if you cannot open the thing easily, it is not a good product, marketing and copying of the red and blue colors not withstanding.

It is time to check the bags and take my own toothpaste or take my own travel paste going forward!