A social facial experiment

It has been a month since I deleted the folder on my iPhone that said "social" and also deleted the entire history and autologin for all sites on my laptop.

The accounts are all there, but with two easy steps I cut off the urge to go click on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Linkedin etc. 

This is not the first time I have tried this, probably the longest in recent years though..

Still kept blogging and am reasonably sure that deleting the cross post into Facebook/Google Plus for the posts made sure no one actually read any of my posts! Blogging is pretty much dead and other platforms have taken over. Those of us who still blog, do it for their own reasons. . . 

The world is doing what it is doing, my work kept me more busy than usual and I managed to do another 60 challenge, the first time in summer, against all odds. The absense of social media helped. 

Still had to check gmail and everyday would be getting emails from FB and Linkedin etc. saying "have you seen so and so's comment on so and so's picture?", "we miss you. please come back and login" etc. etc. Even my mom was not that concerned when I stopped calling her during my Ph.D qualifying exams in those days!

Given no one was going to see my face in pictures over this month absence, I decided to stop shaving. Everytime I try to grow a beard, there will be so much negativity from parents, inlaws, friends, not to mention San and the kids trying every trick in the book to get me to shave.. the pouting, the "dont kiss me with that beard" routine .. 

Also given the travel to Asia every three weeks, my face has to resemble my passport picture or I am sure there will be some "extra checks". Thought there would be a longer break between travels this time, but that was not meant to be. 

The beard growing was going reasonably well, till this morning. You see there is an activation energy for beard growing. It takes at least 21 days for me to get the beard looking like a real beard instead of patch facial hair. Once it crosses that point, there is some chance of making it with continued maintenance. It is my face, but apparently I have no rights to it per wife and kids! 

This morning I had to shave it off. It was a good experiment while it lasted. It is interesting to watch how people react to this.

Most people at work thought I was mourning something or someone. 

Most people at Yoga said "look different. it kind of suits you, but learn to trim it"

Most friends who saw me said "mid life crisis?" followed by "this too shall pass" or something to that effect.

Then there was one person who assumed I was a muslim because of the beard. That one was interesting in a funny way.

Asked Jr. to take a few snaps, with and without the beard this morning...

Apparently I look a lot better without the beard and look younger per the little one. I am allowed to kiss the family again and that is a big plus point! 

Now it is back to the routine. It is time to login to Facebook again and see who has been born, who has died, who has changed marital status, who has gone where etc.

Will be like visiting Chennai after three years! 

A line drawn...

As a kid, I would sometimes wish that India was never partitioned by the British. It was their ultimate victory even when leaving India. When so many calories are spent fighting what was your own, it seemed stupid that just because some british guy decided to draw a line on a map, a country gets torn apart for the foreseeable future. Then there was the much anticipated India Pakistan cricket matches and that seemed to be the only plus point for having Pakistan. That was the kid in me..

This time we actually got to see the India Pakistan border at Wagah on the Amritsar trip.

It was quite an experience. Given our US passports, we got to go sit with all the foreigners, which gives you an interesting perspective. We made up for part of the few brown and black people in a sea of white faces on that section. The rest of the gallery was full. 

The changing of the guard ceremony was what we had gone to watch. It was a rehearsed display by the Border Security Force of India and their Pakistani counterparts. We waited for 2 hours in the heat for the ceremony. Given the soldiers were dressed even more than we were and were sweating it out, we used that as motivation to sit and watch the proceedings. 

The flags were brought down, handshakes were in display but so was all the dramatic signs of agression from either side as part of the ceremony. The crowds on either side did not make me comfortable either. There were chants of "down with Pakistan" from the crowd which I thought was uncalled for. There was also the competition to see whose loud speakers could drown out the other side which made your ears hurt. This went on for a full hour. 

It would be great to have pin drop silence with thousands of people on either side of the border stand quietly in solidarity. A large group of silent people always puts things in a different perspective than a loud jeering crowd. 

At the end of the ceremony, it started drizzling and there was a mad dash for the exits and parking lots. Just before leaving, I caught a dove that came and sat right on the flag. It was touching and also ironic that the tension is so high and it takes very little for it to flare up. 

Every country should be proud of its defense forces. You do get goosebumps watching parts of this and seeing what folks sacrificed and continue to sacrifice. Peace is a better option is the only bitter thought that kept rushing back.

Turn the volume low before playing this.. 

On the way back we stopped by a Dhaba for some maggi noodles and tea.

It was perfect for the clammy weather. Kept thinking "how do you get the average person to love and not hate? How do you make folks realize that the other side is not much different?". Did not have very many answers. For one, you cannot force people to do Yoga or breathing. That would help calm folks down, but there has to be a willingness that comes from within. 

It was definitely quite an experience and would recommend this to desi folks in US who are trying to explain the "India-Pakistan" divide to their kids. Expect 20 questions.. or 200 and be prepared and do the right thing and focus on love being the answer.

We went back towards Amritsar for a night visit to the Golden temple.

Dreading that day..

Jr. is part of a student exchange program and is spending the spring break in Asia. Given dads struggles in Asia over the last three years to get around, get the right food etc. and realizing learning Mandarin in your forties is not easy no matter how many languages you already have a grasp of, asked her to take Mandarin in school as the language.

She thought it was a good idea and went with it. Her Chinese is already way way better than mine, given she spends an hour at least on it every day and I spend 20 mintues in the night on days I get a chance. Also that brain is more moldable!  

We dropped her off on a rainy evening to go be part of a 9 day trip to put her Mandarin to test, be with a host family, make new friends and have an experience that she will remember for a long time..

We are going through a partially empty nest syndrome this week. The house feels empty because the mom daughter or sibling fight noises have reduced to nothing! 

I know that I did this to my parents and left the house and have not gone back, but my brother stays with my parents. Not sure if either kid will stay with us the way things are going.

The little one does come and sleep on my hand every now and then. So this morning I told her

"do you want to go to 

Daddys arm college of engineering,

Daddys arm college of Medicine,

Daddys arm college of arts and sciences or

just stay with daddy?"

She gave me a shy smile and said "Daddy, you know I will have to go to College somewhere right? Don't worry, I will come back!"

Know she means it, but things will change. Made that same promise to my mom and went back on it because things changed, I changed. 

Later in the day there was a discussion about that conversation and daddy was being psychoanalyzed and the conclusion was "maybe I am scared of being alone with my wife and worried about getting her undivided attention".. 

Now that day, I dread! Right now anyone she turns her attention to, is under pressure and the three of us take turns. Imagine all the power of that glare concentrated on one person.. I will be like those ants burnt by sunlight being focused by a water drop in one of those National Geographic programs!

It is going to be an interesting time when the kids are off..