Dialogues with Yoga teachers

We have a new teacher at BYSJ who can only be described as "cross between a fire breathing dragon and a horse whisperer!"

In my third or fourth class with him, he jumps down from the teachers podium all concerned and in a flash he is standing next to me.

Fire breathing horse whispering dragon (lets abbeviate to Fire for short) : "Boss, something wrong with you?"

Me: blank stare that suggests "why would something be wrong with me? I am in the freaking first row busting my ass giving it a 110%" but I am unable to open my mouth and say anything because of the surprise factor.

Fire : "do you have a back injury or hip injury or something?"

Me : worried look on my face and thinking "do I have a back or hip injury that I am not aware of? maybe he knows something I don't.. these yoga teachers always seem to know more about my body and mind than I do myself" .. then I mutter a feeble "No"

Fire : Then why are you not kicking your leg out? I see you are never kicking your leg out. (His drill sergeant tone actually suggested "why the hell are you not kicking your leg out? what is wrong with you boy?") 

Me : (my head was going.. now come on.. "never" is a strong statement. you are saying never based on just one week of observation.. again all this is in my head) and I say out loud  "That is because I am not sure if I am locking my leg!

Fire : How long have you been standing like this?

Me : little over 4 years.

I was thinking the dude was actually going to be proud of me, for staying in stage 1 of standing head to knee pose for four years, patiently trying to lock my legs for all of 60 seconds, before graduating to stage 2. The next stage was to kick the leg out. After all, this is a life long practice and some folks apparently take months or years to lock their leg! Turns out, I was off on that logic, by a wide margin.

Fire : Your legs seem locked enough for me! Try it. I am going to stand here till you kick it forward a little bit. 

So he stayed next to me, literally pushed my hip to one side and pushed my knees back and breathed fire, till I kicked forward. 

Then he tells the class "If you keep doing the same thing to the same extent every day and come back and say, nothing is improving, you are not being fair to yourselves and the yoga. You have to take a chance and try the next step every now and then"

He brought out the bad bengal tiger in me.. I started getting flashbacks. 

There is a back story to my love hate relationship with this pose. There was a time, when I actually managed to do this pose.. nine months after starting to do Bikram Yoga. 

Guess I spoke too soon, while writing that post!  

In early 2012, every time I would kick out, my teachers would look at me and go "lock the knee.. your knee is not locked yet".. and they would all say it with concern in their voice like a parent tells a kid "dont touch the stove"! 

Somewhere, I became so unsure of my knee's "lockedness", if there is such a word, that I stopped at stage 1. It was okay in my head. After all, I was perfecting standing on one leg and distributing the weight evenly on one foot. It came in handy to occupy the kids and their friends in "who can stand on one foot the longest without bending the knee" contests. (note the profound lack of the word "locked"!)

It would be nice to have a lockometer strapped to the knee, that rings a bell and goes "Locking confirmed. Please proceed to stage 2"! Maybe I should come up with such a meter, because there is always the question in my head of "how locked is locked?" and Fire is not going to be there in every class for a confirmation.

The last few days have seen me go from stage 1 to stage 1 1/2 with some consistency. At this rate, I might even get to stage 2 and beyond very soon! 

At the end of the day, he was right. Every now and then the T-rex in me should test the fences. Who knows what might happen?

Worse case, you get a sequel to  "standing head to knee" post!

A side note: It is great to see teachers walk around and fix poses during the class.

In one class, Fire handed the microphone to another teacher in the room and was walking around fixing everyones pose. It was surreal to have that kind of attention in a class.

It is also funny, when a teacher comes to you and says "can I adjust your pose?" It is like they are asking permission to touch you, be it male or female teacher, asking a male or female student. See it happen so many times in class and I really don't get it.  

This is a physical class. It is like your doctor or physiotherapist asking for permission to touch you, before doing a treatment! If the teacher is not going to adjust your pose, who do you expect to adjust it? Shaquille O'Neil?

What will the US Supreme court decision on gay marriage mean to Chennai?

Short answer : Possibly Nothing! Hopefully, something!

Long answer : This long winded blog post

It was the mid 1980's.  I was going to Parry's corner in Madras, by bus, with my grandfather to buy something for one of my aunt's weddings. We could not find seats next to each other in the crowded bus. So my grandpa sat two rows behind me. Then folks changed seats a few times at the next few stops. A muslim man with a white cap and a beard dyed red with marudhani (henna) sat next to me. For some strange reason, he decided to expose his private parts through his dhoti and smiled a weird smile. I froze. Had no idea how to react to that. Also did not understand why me! When he got off in the next stop, I promptly told my grandfather what had happened.  He was livid and very upset. Told me "there are all kinds of people in the world. Please try to forget what he did and move on", and move on we did. That was my first intro to a "gay man" and possibly a "child molestor".  We used to interact with a lot of muslims on a day to day basis in St. Mary's road, but I was always wary of guys with a white cap and red beard. It was subconscious. 

1990 in Varanasi. A bunch of students walking out of a movie theater in the evening. A group of Transgender folks dressed in bright sari's with sparkly glass and reflective decorations stitched in their blouses,  circle a few of us. They do a dance that looks like a cross between line dancing and the Chardash but in a circle. (Note, at that time neither of those dances were known to me).

Some local guys tell us to pay them what we have, if we want to be left alone. Pressure mounts, as some of the "hijiras" start touching the faces of some in our group. So we cave, empty our pockets and get out of the spot as they smile and do actions with their hands that  suggest "may no one cast their evil eye on you" (you have to be Indian to get that last one). Turns out they bless you will all their heart, once they get your money! Well, that was my first intro to Transgender people. Not exactly a great intro either.

Did not know or meet any Lesbians during my first 20 years in India. If there were any I interacted with, they did not let me know their sexual preference! 

The concept of a gender transforming person is introduced to us as kids in mythology. Vishnu becomes Mohini to trick the asuras out of getting the nectar of immortality, Krishna takes a female form in the Mahabharata and Arjuna dresses up as a woman for a year under the guise of Brihannala, but in a country with 330,000 plus gods and counting, what with gods that look white, blue, black, red, green, gods that borrow body parts from the animal kingdom, plant based gods, etc. etc., there are no gay or lesbian gods!

India is like an App store for gods. Usually "We have a god for that". No gay gods though. That kind of hints at why we don't have homosexuality on the radar. Either that or my knowledge of gods needs to improve significantly. 

Spent the first 16 years of my life, within a 4 block radius and followed a routine for 12 of those years. The next four years was an education, not in Metallurgical Engineering or Technology, but in knowing folks from other parts of India. Learned that there is a big world out there!

At that time my interaction was still 99.99% with people within the Indian subcontinent. A few palestinian students at the University, a few international tourists who interacted with me outside the temple or asked for directions, that was it. Almost all of the tourists were white. Not Chinese, Japanese or Black. When ones exposure to people from the world is limited to folks who look alike, crossing inbuilt primal racial defenses is the first order of business, leave alone gender biases!

Then I end up in the City of Brotherly love! A big black customs inspector shakes my hand and says "Welcome to the USA". My hand looks like a babies hand within his hand. I stand in awe at his size and friendliness. The grad student welcome a few days later, has folks in every shape size and color! Then my soon to be roomate and me pick up a bunch of free magazines stacked up in the corner so we can go apartment hunting. We were staying with a bunch of Indian seniors at the time. They look at the stack of magazines, one of which happened to be for LGBT community in the University and make a joke about it. We don't even know what the term stands for! A "community" of people like this with a monthly newspaper?! Seriously? Somehow as a group we didn't interact with any gay folks in the first few years. 

Over time, we make friends from across the globe. Lasting friendships, sharing unforgettable experiences. The built in bias to folks from different races, ethnicities, cultures were mostly torn down, thanks to the melting pot that was and is, the United States. However, some new ones did form! 

Then a step somewhere, and I end up on the ballroom dance floor.

Turns out that there is a disproportionate percentage of men who dance, that are gay. Made a lot of gay friends over the years, teachers and students alike. One of them even gave me a backhanded compliment "for an Indian guy, you seem to be okay when it comes to being open". At that time it didn't sink in. Many years later, in a discussion with a group of desi parents in Cupertino, it all came together. 

Over the years spent in the bay area, got to meet and know colleagues, customers, friends of friends who are gay. I naturally don't think of their sexual preference when interacting with them. However, found out that it is not natural for most people. 

Cupertino's resident population is predominantly Asian. I sometimes refer to it jokingly as "New Madras"  or "New Pudong" as Chinese and Indians are the biggest demographic. In my street alone, five out of six houses have at least one adult who is an immigrant.

Turns out, that a lot of the population in Cupertino, does not share the same opinion when it comes to accepting gays and lesbians (You can check out polling results for Prop 8). Many of our Chinese friends seem to be more orthodox when it comes to religious beliefs than my White friends and they take a hardline stance that homosexuality is a bible qualified sin and is curable!

As for the desi folks, they treat the topic as something of a tax for living in the bay area. Seems to be a topic that doesn't come up in the households we know. Some of the parents tell us "kids know these things from school anyways. They are still young. We have not had to talk about it". 

Our kids are growing up. They will find their way in life, much like we did. Recently, as we were driving to drop the kids in some class, a court case about legalizing gay marriage was being analyzed on NPR. The kids said "do we have to listen to this?" and for the first time I realized that my kids have already built in biases towards the LGBT community or maybe they simply didnt want to listen to NPR and preferred Taylor Swift songs on repeat mode.

So we had a chat. 

Jr. knew about LGBT "stuff" as she put it, but she said "Don't want to talk about it now". I told her that while I respected that, and we won't talk, she should not treat a person differently because of their choices and she said "okay, okay" in her usual "I agree if we stop this conversation now" tone.  The little one asked me her 20 questions and I patiently answered them while Jr. listened in. Pretty sure that they at least got the message of  "Don't discriminate"! 

When it comes to the city I was born and raised, or the city where I really grew from boy to man, things don't seem to change much over the years, at least from a myopic perspective that I get, over the occasional few days spent in India or by looking at FB and Twitter feeds from friends and family.

So, all this excitement and celebration of a small percentage of the population in the US, getting to live its life like the majority of folks, will most likely NOT make any impact.

Honestly though, unless you know a gay person and realize they are just like you, except for their sexual preference, chances are, you will not care or still have the built in bias. This is much like some of my friends who sincerely believe "all muslims are terrorists", because they have never interacted with any normal muslim family while they build their biases. This is the state of affairs, in what we call the "melting pot" of the world.

Why should I then hope that the SC decision changes something in Chennai or outside the US for that matter?

Twenty plus years ago, the USA was the international melting pot. Today, the world is melting! Even if some awareness is spread among the kids who are growing up today in India, who will soon be travelling all over the world, it will be worth it, to make the world a better place. 

We as a people, are constantly struggling with "us" vs. "them" on a daily basis and almost everything that is wrong with the world, goes back to the versus part, and the basis for those "versus".

Spreading some awareness to differences among people may be the starting point to building acceptance.

Wear pants, speak English, Eat cow and last but not least, get a gun!

No.. no Jon Stewart style monologues today. Just a few "bullet points"  to put down given my current frame of mind. When you are tired, grieving and a bunch of random things come together in your brain early in the morning, there is a collision of thoughts, of worlds, where you think "did I accidentally ingest some drugs?"

First, the Church shooting that has left a lot of us disturbed for various reasons. Some because we feel that peace may not be the option, especially if you are the one dying for peace, and others because they have to start the "we have a right to our guns" propaganda machinery all over again after the 24 hour period where they let the victims grieve (it used to be 72 hours.. now it is only 24 hours before the FB feed starts seeing posts on why one's right to even having opinions on guns is subject to conditions!)

I have not owned a gun, but have shot one with ball bearings in it. It was a good toy, as long as I was shooting at  piece of paper with a turkey /bullseye drawn on it some 100 feet away. If you love physics, you will love guns. It is like loving rockets. They are good when used for space travel, but bad when used as missiles.

Also understand why my friends living in downtowns or crime filled areas have a gun in a holster while they walk alone. However, having guns consistantly land in the hands of people with an evil intent or a deranged mind is beating the odds in the US by a wide margin. These are no "random accidents". They are systematic. 

On a tangential note, we still have no pavements or lights in our street. The guy who came to my door for my vote many years ago, spoke to me for 30 mintues. It was shortly after my bike accident. Told him that the whole "village of cupertino" thing being implemented only on our street does NOT make sense. All other streets in our area have lights and pavements. Our street is exempt because some old folks who have lived here forever are insisting on keeping it that way. These guys are clearly living in the past. we now have Teslas that are quiet and fast zipping through the street and our house is a blind turn. The danger is there for sure. He promised to fix it and I voted for him. 

The now elected city councilman, did not do anything. Instead he sent me a form and asked me to pay $700 to submit it, after getting it signed by everyone in the street. Common sense does not prevail. I would have had better odds suing the city. Anyways the whole reason for this tangential rant was that, we can change the rules to adapt to changing times, if as a collective we choose to. In this case some anti street light guy cost me a lot of money in medical bills, and one hell of an experience trying to get my life back on track. The only bright side of the whole thing was I found Bikram Yoga when physiotherapy could do no more. Over the years, I have become a "cup half full" kind of guy. 

Someday, someday, during this lifetime, I will see some sanity with gun ownership and regulation, where guns are mostly safely stored in shooting ranges and no one is able to give automatic weapons as birthday gifts to their deranged kids. 

To my gun owning friends, please understand. I am not for taking your guns away and I say this, not out of respect for your feelings, but for fear of those guns you have!

As for the bozos who are in Congress and the Senate who shamelessly "grill" airbag and automobile companies for a few deaths on a product that malfunctioned (on a normalized % of product use vs. damage these are orders of magnitude lower than guns), show some balls and do the same "grilling" when it comes to guns which have repeatedly caused tragedies. If I see you one more time on some C-Span hearing preaching about safety and consequences, while you voted NO on meaningful gun legislation (background checks), will not be voting for you again. I have a large stock of photographs of sunsets, flowers, birds, kittens and cute puppies as well as a decent version of Photoshop! Can do a lot of "inspirational" messaging that will go against you. Thankfully I have a day job and a family to take care of. Don't turn me into an activist. You are not ready for it.

Then came the "eat dog"  sorry "eat cow" thought.  Received a petition to sign saying, "stop the chinese from eating dogs".

This is a topic close to my heart. No, not the dog eating. Love dogs, although I am allergic to them. Here is the thing. When I was a kid and growing up in India, most of the households had a cow in the backyard. We would go feed them hay or balls of cooked rice. Everytime there was a prayer for our dead ancestors, my brother and me would be tasked with feeding the cow with the honorary food. We would pet the cows, see them smile. We bonded with them. We were taught that the cow was to be treated like your mother. After all, you drank its milk! 

When in elementary school, my mom or grandma would send me to the local milkman  with vessels to get milk  Think his name was Jai Ganesh at the corner of St. Mary's road and Devanathan Street in Mandaveli. He along with his team, would milk the cows in front of us and give us milk. Not sure if they are still around, now that they have door delivery of packet milk. Where was I going with this?

When I came to the US more than two decades ago, it was shocking to see so much meat in peoples plates. It was difficult to digest the scale of animal slaughter that was going on in this country. Kind of got used to it, what with the fact that you never see a live cow or chicken on a day to day basis. 

The hypocracy of asking the Chinese to stop eating dogs really got to me. One mans dog is another mans cow. Have said this before many times. If folks in the US can treat cows (or chickens or pigs) in the most inhumane way, and eat them with total apathy, why cannot another race of people treat dogs the same way? The dogs don't mean anything to them. So when they see a dog, they think "delicious" much the same way a picture of a cow might bring thoughts of "juicy and delicious steaks" to folks in the US. 

It is bad if you are a cow and are born in the States. It is bad if you are a dog and are born in China. If you are a cow and want refugee status, go to India. If you are a dog and want refugee status, go to US. I know my friends in the animal kingdom cannot speak for themselves, but that is where we have to step in. If you want to be fair, stop eating animals. If you cannot give up your "medium rare steaks", stop preaching to others on what they can and cannot eat.

Over the last twenty plus years, do you know how many times a friend or co-worker has joked "you get sick a lot and are puny.. a steak or two is what you need". They don't even realize how much it might offend someone. For the record, I became immune to this in two years. Even tasted meat for three years on and off during grad school days and found it to be "meh". There was nothing delicious and the meat did not make the food tastier.  Nothing to beat my mothers potato curry roast, my grandma's Vaththa Kozhambu or munna's Malai Kofta. As for the "protein", I definitely did not need that much protein. Have been vegetarian for the last 16 years and I am not missing anything.

We are all the product of our experiences and upbringing. So I am definitely not suggesting the world go vegetarian.

Just remember, one man's dog is another man's cow!