When a 20 year old white kid reminds me of my mom..

You know it is a "twilight zone" moment when a 20 year old white kid reminds you of your very Indian mother.

Was asked to go pick up a few items from the local Whole Foods store.

My daughters tell me on the way out : "can you get us shampoo while you are there?"

Me: Whole foods purchases for Organic stuff I understand.. you want Organic Shampoo? you don't eat shampoo! Just get the usual Dove, etc. stuff that you get from Safeway. 

Little one : Daddy, those shampoos have sulfates. You need to get us shampoo without sulfates!

Jr. chimes in : Yeah Appa. Sulfates are apparently bad. Whole foods sells sulfate free shampoo. can you get us one please?

I was about to launch into a long monologue on "do you know what sulfates are? etc. etc. " and given my time crunch said "fine. whatever. will see if I can pick it up"

So off I go. Finish the shopping list and am standing in the aisle in Whole Foods that says "shampoo" with total disbelief that there is a whole aisle for shampoo larger than the one at Safeway when a white kid who is in his early twenties walks by. 

Noticing a lone desi standing there with the deer in the headlights look, he asks "Sir, may I be of assistance?"

Me : My daughters want me to pick up a sulfate free shampoo!

dude : Sir, all these shampoos are sulfate free. 

Me : which one would you recommend?

Might have as well walked into a Taco Bell and asked for a recommendation on "which healthy item do you recommend on the menu ?" but here we were.. 

He says "shikai shampoo is our favorite. strongly recommend it"

Me : did I hear that right? did you say "shikai" ? 

dude : Yes sir .. (and walks away)

As a kid growing up in India, there was no Western "shampoos" in the market. We had three soaps going in rotation in our house at least till I was in 4th grade. The all purpose Hamam, the occasional Margo Neem and the even rarer Mysore Sandal soap when my dad would get it. The only two other soaps we knew of was Lifeboy from advertisements, Cinthol Lime (thanks to the lady taking bath in a waterfall that created lot of hoopla which I never understood as a kid) and Pear (the transparent soap bar). There was a soaplosion when I was in middle school with Lux etc. making it to everyone's home. 

As for shampoo, there was none! My grandmother would buy Shikakai pods and dry them in the terrace, then go take them to a local Mill and grind into a powder with some other dried herbs. Then this powder would be divvied up by all the families on my maternal side. That powder WAS our shampoo. We used it for oil baths as well. Given Indian ladies grow their hair long as a default compared to most other demographics, they have been using this for thousands of years! 

None of the kids liked the shikai powder bath because of the fear of getting the powder in our eyes, which would sting and would happen more often than you would think. My brother who had a special ability to shut his eyes tight during an entire bathing session liked it because he would come out unscathed after my mom would take us both for a joint bath session while I came out with blood shot eyes.

It was a rude shock to me that Shikai is now a shampoo at Whole foods at $6.99 a bottle!

The kids were happy and I am yet to try this shampoo. Guessing that this is now patented by some US company and before you know it all the Shikai trees in India will start belonging to a Whole Foods subsidiary.

Funny thing is the Shampoo has coconut oil and Shikai. We used to first apply oil on our hair, let it sit for some time then use shikai powder to wash it off.

Guess my kids get to experience this one way or another! Very happy for them. Don't know if these days the working desi mom probably has time to dry Shikakai on the terrace and take it to a mill. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise or a curse...

Just a question of time before my mom in India will get to use Shikai on her hair only in shampoo form at $6.99 a bottle. 

Next time my mother asks me on the phone "Ennai thechchu kulichchiyaa?" (did you have an oil bath?) going to look at this bottle and say "Yes!"

Mothers day

Every day is mother's day.. but when you live in a world where only one day is made special to mothers, one tends to go with the flow!

The kids made a cake, decorated it and let Mom cut it. By the time they were done fighting over who gets to write what on the cake, mom had pretty much given up hope on the cake's cuttability if such a word exists. 

Apparently it came out good and the three of them ate a sizeable portion of it. Daddy was happy to just play photographer as all those colorful things on top cannot be good as they are all some concentrated form of sugar!

In case you are wondering why Jr. has a big "bindi" aka "pottu" smack dab in the middle of her forehead instead of the tiny dot right between her eyebrows (mommy style).. she was posing for me earlier!

You see, these days it feels like I am 14 years old again because Jr. has a scary resemblence to my sister at the same age be it both at certain angles or her mannerisms.  To prove my point here is the picture of them around the same age, give or take a year difference!

Same controlled smile, same donna kaadhu, same collar bone showing, same type of earring choice.. just simply scary! Don't think I ever yelled at my sister that much when she was at that age.. but feels like I am making up for that by shouting at my sister's look alike! 

Here's to Mom's! If someone made a movie called "Mom's" the tagline should read 

"MoM's - terrorizing sons and daughters since the beginning of time"

My mother still has a superhuman ability to remote control me from the other side of the world. Not that it is a bad thing because chances are San has that magical ability and will exercise it when time comes on Jr. and the little one! Daddy Narayanan is counting on it!

On a side note, it feels like I have 34 mothers now. Every teacher at BYSJ reminds me of my mother. Almost makes me think that that my mother is giving them some secret coaching classes on how to push me past my limits. They all pick on me in class, somehow know I am trying to take it easy on some pose and call out my name and say "smaller step", "higher", "more".. and I go "how could you have possibly known that I did that? Touched my head to the floor with that wide a stance only yesterday and it was not your class. How could you possibly know! How?" .. that kind of thing happens only with Mom, because she has eyes on the back of her head and can know! 

Hope all those mom's out there had a great Mother's day. Tomorrow is unfortunately... just another day!

Three questions - many answers

These are questions that are being thrown out there with no expecations.. this is like me shouting at the ocean on Marina Beach in Madras during one of those bouts of extreme helplessness..

The ocean just absorbs my loudest scream so effortlessly. All I get in return is a local sense of calm as the waves lap my feet.

Maybe this post will give me that same feeling. Writing a post and putting it out there on the internet, is in a lot of ways like shouting at the waves. Not that these questions need answering, but putting them out there might give a sense of relief...

1. Is there any mother out there who can go on a polygraph and pass when asked the question "do you love your daughter-in-law as much as you love your daughter?" and she replies "Yes"? (assuming she is not an ex-CIA mom who was trained to beat a polygraph..)

2. Is it safe for any woman to be a homemaker? Are there that many trustworthy men in this world who can be counted on, or should I ask "are there that many trusting women out there? In today's world it is even more difficult for a home maker to find employment (or get employed again after a long break in employment) than it is for a working mom to adapt to being a stay at home mom. This comment is not being raised in the context of the man leaving the woman, but was sparked by thoughts along the lines of the man having poor health, falling sick constantly and by extension, being a prime candidate for disability or death, leaving the woman to take care of the family.

3. Do long distance relationships have a higher chance of failure? Does this higher chance hold true for blood relations also? Is physical proximity a requirement for a blood relationship like a grandparent, parent, child, sibling or are those bonds like the frienships you form in high school or college. You haven't talked to a person for a year and you call them on the phone and you just pick up where you left off.. there is always a welcome smile and open arms. Is it like that for blood relatives? Does "out of sight, out of mind" necessarily translate to "permanently out of mind"?

The neurons fire badly and erratically this week. Hay fever and tylenol allergy sinus may not have much to do with it. The questions keep bouncing inside the head and for some strange reason remind me of a computer game we used to play a long time ago called Jeezball. You box a bunch of bouncing balls into the smallest pockets only to realize that the more you box them in, the more difficult it is to contain them.

The waves might lap at my feet or the unseen Tsunami might throw me over. There are plenty of real and virtual moms, mothers in law around me, working at a home or office and the first two questions are not with respect to anyone in particular. As most or all of you know, I have given up trying to understand women. As long as they understand you, you are fine. Maybe Moses did not part the red sea.. the red sea parted for Moses, the red sea being a lot bigger and all.. same logic.

Question 3 is part of some soul searching.

Three questions, many answers, not necessarily right or wrong answers, just many many different answers!

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