Sëxy ?

The BOGUS Institute, which has already published its findings on the relation between food and starvation, is now publishing another study on the impact of the "umlaut" also known as the double dot used in some european languages.

Eighty percent of the 20 responses from women who were asked, "Do the dots add an exotic oomph to a name?" was a resounding Yes! Some statistians are arguing that 10 responses each, from two women who are repeatedly asked the same question is not equivalent to 20 individual responses. To this Dr. Naraynöhe, Professor Emeritus of Sarcastics at the Institute was quoted as saying "Statistics for sarcastic use should not nitpick on such minor details! We will fire those who diagree with 2x10 =20!".

Across the globe, letters in different languages have no dots or a single dot above them. Everyone except the Society for propagation of the Tamizh language have agreed that the "umlaut" rules, when it comes to spicing things up a bit! Their main diagreement is that in Tamizh we have a letter which is represented by three dots and this is way better than two! As positive proof of this, they pointed out that noted singer Udit Narayan became a big player after he started singing songs in the Tamizh language, that too with a rubberband tying up his tongue!

Udit, credited with successfully blending the Umlaut into the Tamizh language is also the only human being in the world who can fluently pronunce the triple dot, in the midst of a song. When asked for comment all Udit had to say was "Lendhu pulley perusa, muna pulley pelusa?" which translated from Tämïl means, "Two dots bigger, or Three?"

In another bizarre twist, the revered astrologer and numerology expert "Jyothisha Sigamani" Kalladakuruchchi Ramanatha Saastrigal, has sent a copy of his treatise "How to account for ä, ë , ï, ö, ü and ÿ in Indian Numerology" to our Institute. "How else?" he asks, can you understand the case of Mohan, a 15 year old boy in his native village who was practically invisible to the local women, who suddenly became a babe magnet after he changed his name to Möhün!

The only explanation according to the renowned numerologist, was that the umlaut adds precisely
((v-14)^5/(exp (26-v)/v^2))^(v+1) to the total, where v is the value of the alphabet on which the umlaut is placed! Considering his succesful numerology predictions for the "Artist formerly known as Prince", the rest of the numerology community has meekly agreed to Saastrigal's findings.

Women bloggers the world over have endorsed the Umlaut as the next best thing to improve the image of their men, right after posts that show that
1. their men can accept mistakes
2 they can cook
3. or they can change diapers!

Most of these husbands are now referred collectively as "OA", a short form for "Other Adult". This is much like all headaches are referred to as Migraines or all headache tablets are called aspirin, depending on which way you see it. OA, while endearing on the surface, sounds like "Oh yeA", as in "yeah yeah yeah!". The women bloggers would now like to change this abbreviation to ÖA, which not only has a European feel to it, but also the very unpronunceable nature of ÖA gives the women, visions of "ööö lä lä!". The husbands who look even better, when in agreement with the wives, have endorsed this move.

All said and done, the dots are Sëxy, concludes the Institute report!

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