Perspective

It has been more than 3 months since this blog saw an entry! There are no particular reasons for it. We did go on a bunch of hikes, but mostly to places already visited. Then our hikes came to an end as our group leader had an injury and is recovering slowly but surely.

There were two hectic work trips to India in a space of two months. There was some sporadic singing. Some illness, etc.. basically the usual for this household. Somehow didn't get to put fingers to keyboard in 3 months!

Well, now that there is a break for the next ten days, all those unfinished blog posts will hopefully see the publish button!

This one though, is a fresh post. In early September, my yoga guru Michelle watched me look longingly at my usual spot in the hot yoga room.. her mat was already in that spot! She saw me and said "you can have your spot. I can move!". I should have known then and there that there was a catch.. Michelle makes sure I don't miss my mom when she does things like this.

At the end of the class we are walking out and she goes "you know what will be good for you? try a challenge where you practice in all 48 spots in the room! It will give you a much needed perspective. I recently just finished taking class in every spot in the room and it taught me a lot about my practice and myself!"

I mumbled "okay, sure!".. and got a look that said "mean it!". Was even told that the website for the studio had a pdf of the room layout with all the spots marked! 

Came home and printed that out and started on 9th September to do this "Do yoga in every one of the 48 spots in the room" challenge. Called it the "studio tour". Finally finished this challenge on Sunday 18th December. It took me 100 days to cover 48 spots! There were many challenges. If I didn't get to class early enough, all the spots I needed were already taken and I didn't want to ask anyone to move. This went on too long and finally my wife asked my friend to move spots on the last day just so I could be done with this!

Now, for the perspective.. all of you know about my spreadsheet that has my attendance, teacher, time, weight after class etc.  for 12 years. Have finished 2642 classes as of this evening. I am guessing 9/10 classes have been in the three corner spots in the right side of the yoga room over all these years! 

The corner has more clear views in the front and side mirrors and you have less nearest neighbors! Also I cannot hear well on the other side of the room maybe because my one ear has an issue. Whatever the reasons, I am a creature of habbit and have stuck to that corner.

This was a real challenge for me to go off my comfort zone and try different locations in the room. Now that I am back home.. ie. back my usual spot in the last few days, it is actually the best spot in the room for me. My best practice is when I am close to the front and side mirrors and can hear the teacher clearly. There is no doubt about it. That was my learning. Folks who saw me walk into class everyday with a map wanted me to share the experience.. so here is a summary

Are there other spots in the room I liked? Yes. The ones right in front of the teacher, which no one wants. Those are actually great spots if the teacher doesn't move around the podium during the balancing series. 

Are there spots I really did not like? Yes. There are spots where the door or window was behind me. I could not balance well at all in those spots. There are spots where you lie down on the floor and can see the sparrows in the trees outside. Too distracting. I don't know how the yogis used to mediate on one leg in a forest.. with all those damn birds flying around from branch to branch. I love birds and watch them for long times at home drinking tea.. but when you are hanging on for dear life and trying to recover your heartrate after an asana, the birds don't help.. at all!  

Then there are spots which are directly in line with the mirror ends. The yoga room has wall mirrors.. when you hit the seam of the mirrors and you try to do asanas in front of the seam, you get split into two parts in the mirror. It is as though I have multiple personalities in front of me. A calm me vs. an irate me. 

Did I open my mind to new possibilities with this challenge? Yes and No. Sometimes you have to try things that make you uncomfortable.. at least once.. or say in this case 40 times out of 48. Was hoping to become more tolerant to the other locations. When you have three rows of people in front of you and most of them don't think of the people behind them and fidget around, start the pose too early or too late or lie down, it is good that they are doing what is best for them.. but it is not what is best for me. This made me realized the tremendous impact I have in the first row on the folks behind me. Now I think a lot before sitting down for any pose and try to minimize fidgeting. 

Did I gain anything by trying out all those spots? Yes. Made some new friends who were suprised to see me in the other part of the room. This room has as much spread as the world. Turns out there are folks who practice for years on either side of this room and they just nod to each other and say hi on the way in and out but never have conversations with folks from the "dark side".. and to each side the other is the dark side! There are front row people and last row people and there are tempraments, reasons, preferences. 

Over the 48 spots, I learned a lot about the folks who call those their "usual spot", and why! That was an interesting social study in itself. 

Here is the other weird thing. People thought I was sick or recovering from either flu or covid or was having a tough day to show up in the last row.. or I had to leave early right after class, when I took spots near the door. During the early days of the challenge my teachers would call me and say "there is an open spot in the front for you ?".. then I had to go tell them about this personal challenge!

Would I suggest this challenge to others? Yes. You might be a better person than me when it comes to being a lot more open minded or selfless when it comes to the yoga practice. So please give it a shot. This was harder logistics wise than doing a 60 day challenge. You can't always get the spot you want if you don't come early enough. Some folks show up 30 minutes before class to get their spots! You have to come at a different time to even get those spots. 

A big thanks to Michelle for pushing me out of that spot for 3 months, my wife for patiently putting up with my requests to go early to yoga class just to get a certain spot .. on multiple days, especially towards the end and to my friend Natalie for giving up a spot on the last day of the challenge! 

Somehow I feel free to be in any spot in the room, after this tour! However, my gut tells me that you will most likely find me in my usual corner. 

The C word

** This post was written two years ago. I forgot to publish it. Kept searching the site for the post as I was so sure it was written... and realized that there was a reason the publish button was not hit at the time** Have done a rewrite of sorts..

Two years ago, when the India trip was coming to a close, my MIL was told by doctors in India that she most likely had Lympohoma. This was literally the day of her flight back. She decided to come here as planned and go through treatment here. The good news was that she had something but it was not lymphoma. The bad news was that she was poked and prodded for a good two weeks with bone marrow tests, repeated scans of every kind etc. and we were in the hospital a lot. 

This photograph was taken two years ago at Kaiser's Oncology ward when MIL and me were waiting (think it was first or second week of August). "They have nice wall colors"  is what I remember thinking while staring at the walls.

I was very busy with a presentation due for the Memory summit and we were taking turns with hospital visits. San does not like needles, and that translated to me going with MIL for all the tests. The night before the bone marrow test, I had gone to bed at 2AM, and the next morning had not shaved. The stress of the previous week (including that engine failure event on Cathay Pacific, a fight to Asia in the middle of a storm, work work and more work pressure)  was showing on my face. Had dark circles around my eyes. The MIL on the other hand was going through a "I am going to live like every day is my last day" phase. She got up, dressed nicely, wore her diamond earings, put on some makeup.. you get the idea.

We are sitting here waiting to be called in. A really nice nurse (think her name was Isabella..  still remember her name after 2 years. she was a really sweet person. I remember thinking "one has to have exceptional people skills to deal with the folks in this waiting room") walks out and goes "Suguna?" and we look at her. She walks to us, grabs me by the hand and goes "let's get this test done with sweetie. It will hurt, but we will try to be as quick as possible". 

My MIL and me were both laughing. She didn't get it first. Don't think she is used to folks smiling and laughing as a response to what she said. Then I told her "I am not the one for the test. She is!" and she said "I would not have guessed!"

After that test and more PET scans, they decided that she had enlarged lymph nodes but we have to go to a "wait and watch" strategy and there was no sign of Cancer in her bone marrow test. 

Then it did not stop there. The scan showed nodules everywhere in her body. So it was zeored down to three things. Tuberculosis, some other disease that affects farm workers in central valley caused by a fungus in the air or some such thing, a thrid unprounceable disease which had no proper detection or cure (I am not making this up).

That brings up the second incident within that same week. So we were sent to the lung infection disease department. As soon as we check in there, the nurse gave a single mask to the MIL. I thought "okay, they are taking a precaution because they don't want to get what she might have". Then I thought "but we are living with her and we are not wearing masks". So we go to the waiting room and the nurse is wearing a mask! 

I was asking the nurse, how come you are wearing a mask and she is wearing one and I am the only one without a mask. She did not even answe me.. mumbled something and said "doc will be in soon". The "doc" was also wearing a mask. I remember telling the MIL how scary it was to be the only maskless person in that office! She was laughing and I clicked this. By then she was happier that the Cancer diagnosis had given way to more complex things which were either curable or she was unlikely to have!

Eventually after two weeks of tests and follow ups, she has been going through a once in six month's scan to check the nodules. Apparently it is like a chess game. If they grow, the docs will attack it. If they attack first, the nodules might retalliate. This thing has become something of a background issue now as the MIL just goes about her routine. 

This taught us a lot of lessons on how anyone anytime is susceptible to cancer. 

My way of overcoming extreme stress was to see a lighter side in things.. Sometimes it is appropriate, other times, timing might not be right and I end up digging out an old unpublished post from two years ago..

We are all grateful that MIL ended up okay after those two weeks! We are also more conscious of one thing.. It is more important to do things you want to do and not procrastinate.. if there is a choice between eating healthy, exercising, praying, watching for your health and living in constant vigil vs. just focussing on things that make you happy... you pick the latter. Why? because no matter how healthy you eat or exercise or pray, the C word can get you. At least if you live happy, you have less regrets!

That was a persective change!

Perspectives

Another hospital visit, this time with San chauffering me. We go to the reception desk and the lady gives me a mask to wear. I give her a look and she goes "don't you have rashes?" 

Did not respond to her. She wet wiped the pen I used to sign the credit card bill. I smiled inside. Then came the kicker. Please go to that railing and stand there.

Me : I am very tired and drowsy. Can I just sit in one of these chairs? The doc told me day before yesterday that this is not contagious

Rec: The folks here don't know that. Also because you have rashes a nurse will be right out to get you to a room. 

After waiting near the rails for a good 5 minutes and watching two more people go in, I just sit cross legged on the floor near the railing. Realizing my trouble the receptionist was nice. She got out of her pen and took me inside and said "sorry. I thought they will be faster". 

Then comes a nurse. I go to get my blood pressure checked and remove my jacket. She gets a look at my arm and starts scratching her face. 

Me : What happened?

Nurse : Sorry. Just looking at your arm makes me itch! I don't know why!

For a second my mind just went ballistic on her. Do you have any freaking idea woman that the only thing I want to do right now is to remove my shirt and go rub myself against that opposite textured wall that looks like sand paper? Do you have any idea that I am using all those years of shavasana training just to sit still here? I actually "want".. NO NO NO "need" to itch right now and you are doing it just by looking at me?

How will this woman ever survive J's class is she were to take it, without getting a lecture on "want" vs. "need" when it comes to itching and scratching? the mind was wandering off. 

I took a deep breath in and a deep breath out. The world was not fair and hey, it never claimed to be, so what the hell?

She found a way to carefully place the blood pressure monitor sensor out of a rash and took my pressure. Was expecting to see a reading of zillion / zero. It actually read 104/60. Somehow all those things that were going on in the head, I had not taken to heart. It was nice to know.

Again, she said sorry as she meticulously wet wiped the sensor they put in your fingertip and the pressure equipment. I mumbled something to the effect of "it is okay" and "you know they tell me it is not contagious, but everything you guys keep doing tells me otherwise" . She said "we do it as a habit when we see rashes"

Then while sitting in the room the thought of what these nurses and receptionists and doctors go through in their line of work just hit me. 

Here I am thinking of becoming an anti social simply to avoid contact with strangers in planes and airport lounges to minimize picking up new germs when they go in the exact opposite direction knowing the risks? Can I blame them for wiping everything?

These people put their lives at risk day in and day out dealing with body fluids that are known contaminated for the most part and one mistake could cost them and the odds of that mistake happening are much higher in a hospital than in an United flight. (okay, maybe that last one needs to be really investigated, but let's assume United planes have less sick individuals than hospitals for now, okay?)

One thing that made it through my thick head was that my tendency to judge quickly based on what I saw has not changed or improved. I still judge.. but 9/10 times these days I go back and re-evaluate my stand and am okay to stand corrected within a few seconds or minutes. It would be nice to not judge instantly, but that has been me for 40+ years, so it will take time to change that habbit. 

On the way out, did make it a point to thank each and everyone of the folks who helped me. That was a few days ago.

The last few days have been muddling through work, taking phone calls at home and no driving. Walking in the backyard with no shirt on exposing the glorious rashes to Ra for him to do the rest. Seriously they told me that 5-10 minutes of direct sunlight will help. 

This morning was tough. I had chills all last night and my body was aching so bad that I took a day off of work and went back to bed. When I woke up, it was almost 3PM. Had slept through the entire day from 10PM to 3PM skipping breakfast and lunch. 

Took a shower, did the sunlight thing and put on some more ointments and checked my mail.. and that brings to the second perspective. There were four people who were suggesting that this was an insect bite and six suggesting that I should stop doing Bikram Yoga immediately as it was probably the root cause of all problems. These are all people who are family and very close friends.

The doctors are saying that this is most likely a case of "pityreasis rosea" where the cause is a virus or it is an amoxycillin reaction. They told me that heat will make the rashes more obvious and it is good to not overheat and take warm water showers instead of hot water showers. But they also tell me that Bikram yoga cannot cause this. It can only make the rashes look more purple.

Telling my family and friends that "Bikram yoga is good for you" (exception is wife, MIL and kids)  is like going to a Fox news show and saying "Islam is a peaceful religion"!  Recently in one of those United lounge conversations a guy tells me "Terrorism is in the muslim religion itself!". I was just taken aback. Simply did not know how to react to it. Here is a devout Christian telling a not so devout Hindu that Islam is synonymous with terrorism and I don't have a witty comeback.

Most of the folks who have never set foot in a hot room have an opinion on Bikram Yoga from the media? It is usually opinions, not facts. "If this is what I perceive and I am in the media, it has to be true.. because I am on TV and you are on your couch".. well that seems to be the trend these days.

Have never been a Muslim so I have no right to make a judgement call on the religion, but we do have muslim friends and families who are just like us. Hardworking, sincere, family men and women who go about their day. Some go pray every friday and some don't. Their kids are as normal as ours from every view point. There are definitely data points that tell me that the "all muslims are violent" statement is false.  

Incidentally, it was my 4 year anniversary and I was "itching" to go do Yoga to commemorate, but all I ended up doing was itch. It was depressing. Have written so many posts on my experience with Bikram Yoga over the last 4 years. 

My family and friends sometimes don't see why I love it so much. It is not possible for everyone to experience every religion before making statements on it. One can only hope that all good religions teach the message of understanding and eventually transcending religion to see the god within oneself and others is the final step for religious graduation. 

Same thing for Yoga. I cannot make everyone go experience the hot room and then make up their mind. Tried that and realized that not everyone can see the value of sweating it out for 90 minutes with a bunch of strangers in front of a mirror.

San did try it after my MIL and me repeatedly asked her to try and after 30 classes she said "It is a great feeling after the class finishes, but I simply cannot handle the smell Sundar! I have no idea how you do it, but it is not for me. You go as much as you want, but don't ask me to join you!"  Now that is a sense of realism that I can handle. She is a better person than me for cutting to the chase and saying "if it works for you great. go for it"

The kids used to come for the family class (warm room instead of hot) and loved it. The minute Jr. came to the adult class she stopped after 4 classes. Her reason? "Daddy, I am practically on the floor after the warm up. The teacher told me that my blood pressure is not same as adults so I will feel dizzy. I feel bad sitting down when others are trying so hard all around me. Don't want to be a spoil sport". When she comes up with something like that in all sincereity, I said "fine, do your one mile run every day. maybe you can come try with me in a few years"

The little one nonchalantly states "you know I can TOTALLY do it if I want to.. I really CAN! It is just that I DON'T want to do it!" . Personally the little one is ready for everything and nothing at the same time. She is going to kill me sooner or later in just trying to figure her out.

In all this drowsiness, I read a message that said "by the way, the guy who started the yoga you do, is being arrested for something or other. maybe you should seriously rethink going to this yoga". That is when I closed one browser window, opened another and started typing this post. 

Having never met Bikram and knowing him only though the Yoga routine he has passed on, if someday I meet him, the only words I will have for him are "THANK YOU!" and it will be in a much bigger font than that.

There is no way I can judge him for anything else other than this routine, which is sheer brilliance. 

Perspective...

The ExpertDabbler, shared an article over the weekend. He has consistently shared interesting and thought provoking stuff.. (so that credit goes to PK).

After reading through the article, realized a few things which made me go WTF?

There are people who live among us, who realize what it means to live frugally only when they are in dire straits.

As a household with both adults working (and another adult who comes and helps us out at least 6 months a year with the kids, thereby enabling us to work harder 6 months a year) we currently do a lot of the things that are featured in the article and have been for as long as we can remember.

a. we always use the public library for books, CD's, DVD's etc. True that we have a blockbuster mail order account where we pay under 8 bucks a month to watch newer movies, but by far the biggest movie expense for us is watching Desi movies in the local theater with friends or family. Reliance has pretty much bought all local theaters and they have established a price monopoly for Indian movies screened locally. (If only someone could break that or they realize their ticket prices are high.. or Blockbuster/Netflix/Youtube start online streaming of new releases for lower prices?.. anyways back to topic)

b. we always pack our lunch. Me 98% of the time and San 95% of the time. We eat outside as a family once every week at Bhavikas for <12 bucks for all 5 of us! Sometimes we go outside (maybe once a month) and splurge 40$ at Saravana Bhavan or the likes of it.. but that is usually a once a month affair these days.

c. Used to Bike where possible (or at least tried to) till the accident. Now it is going to be a slow start again. We don't have fancy SUV's. We buy cars that we know will last us at least 10+ years and still have decent fuel efficiency. Not exactly your Prius buyer but then again, we just decide to get as fuel efficient as the wallet would permit.

d. We still use coupons where possible and always do our homework before buying things.. sometimes we wait for years to buy things. Almost all our clothes shopping is done on India trips (granted everyone cannot do that, but we offset the cost of the flight tickets by shopping for a year/two worth of clothes).

e. we always take our kids to the local parks to play. At the most it is paying 6$ in parking for the entire day to visit any of the California state parks for a full day of fun, be it a beach, a hike with waterfalls, or just a plain picnic on a bench with home cooked food under some really tall old trees.

The thing that really hit me was:

1. We are not on the street. We have a huge debt on the house, but we made an investment and barring some natural disaster, the return will be there or least it will be a break even situation, but we don't act in a way that suggests richness.

2. After reading this article I started thinking "Wow, people have to lose their jobs to have our lifestyle ?!" So, what do they live like when they have jobs? How can some folks live a lifestyle that their paychecks do not support, for months, for years ? How is that even possible? How many people should have been doing that for how long for reality to come crashing down the way it has for all of us?

What would our family lose in terms of lifestyle if our jobs go?

We will be the same folks.. in a smaller place!

The library will still be there

The parks routine will not change

Biking will become a happy norm

Thayir(yogurt) or rasam(gravy) saadam (rice) in the lunch box will be replaced with more of the same except, there will be no lunch box..

It will be difficult to adjust to living with shared walls..We have the experience from four years ago. Then we moved to this house and during construction all five of us lived in one room for 5 months. Somehow the apartment experience was like a preview and preparation for the one room experience and we made it through.

The big surprise during both the apartment living and the single room living amid construction efforts was the way the kids reacted to all of this. As a child we(me, brother, sister and parents) lived through asbestos sheet roofed rooms in a house with a window facing the Cemetary for years. The bathroom was outside the house. So adjusting to something less is not a shock for me.

Jr. and the little did not have any issues with living in smaller spaces. In fact Jr. was the happiest when we were in that apartment because she found so many kids in that place to play with in the evening after coming back from school. There is a certain happiness to living in an apartment complex if you can adjust and calibrate your noise levels with the environment and kids being kids will adapt.

Little wonder then that thayir saadam lunchers and Chinese buddies(who bring their own fried rice in their Tiffin boxes) will have to share the fact that there is nothing wrong with using public facilities, spending responsibly, watching your bills and balancing your books and trying to teach your kids a thing or two from your life's experiences...

Who knew growing up in a poor/ lower middle class family for most of your early childhood could come in very handy later in life?

It is all karma, neh?

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Neeyum Naanum (you and me)

Watched Abhiyum Naanum on DVD. It was a great movie. Came out teary eyed in a lot of places. First real sappy daddy movie to hit the screens in a long time.

Even the big girls were all wiping their tears, possibly thinking about their dads?!

Most of the things in that movie have happened for real in this house. The girls as much as utter a sound, daddy will be right next to them. The alert level in the house for the girls getting hurt is always at Orange, much like the San Jose Airport since a few weeks after 9/11. Daddy is still designing airbags in his sleep that will make sure that there are no scratches on the kids if they get in an accident.

If this movie captured our past and present very accurately, then it is offering a very scary glimpse of the future for daddy.

There is a lot of growing up to do, for sure.

Just remembered this post and the comments that followed! It is not going to be easy for me to see my girls say bye to me.

Funny thing is they already know that they can live without me but it is me who cannot live without them and this theme came as a self realization way before this movie was made!

Hell, I should have scripted this movie. Okay, just kidding..

Those occasional flashes of truth fade into the background in an instant and we are back to the "my child" obsession.

One thing is for sure. I treat my FIL with a lot of respect. He is the only person who could put things in perspective for me when my kids decide to get married. Not my wife, not my parents, not my kids. Only the FIL can give me advice on what it means to become a FIL myself someday.

Maybe he has no profound wisdom to offer me and will brush it aside with stuff like "achcha baba" or "chalta hai" or some such thing which leaves you staring into space going "what was that?" , or maybe he will take me aside and bare his soul on what he was thinking at my wedding....or maybe he will start a school for prospective FIL's and offer coaching classes?

Only time will tell.

Hopefully by that time, this dad will be wiser. One can always hope, no?

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