Bribes - Changes over time

70's :

When I was still a little boy, Bribes were considered shameful. People who took bribes were talked about in my house in hushed tones. (we are taking lower middle class perceptions here).

80's :

Bribes were more commonplace in real life, movies. We used to talk about how friends and relatives who were known to take or give bribes werent being punished by god and seemed to be living more comfortably ! The taboo was slowly lifting.

90's

Bribes were legalized thanks to terms like "capitation fee" for college admissions and "fast track" fee for jumping the line in telephone exchanges. We are talking about the sprouting of "self financing colleges" in the month or so of Janaki's Chief Ministership. These things were considered bad things at one time. But most of these colleges have developed over time and are now producing high quality engineering graduates who have taken the world by surprise. Today, the average Chennaivasi has a cell phone and those land line connections which required an 8000 rupee payment (instead of the 3000) for jumping the line are long forgotten. People get used to the concept that given the extra payment, we can get faster access to phones, education, bisleri water and Gods like Thiruppathi Balaji and Madurai Meenakshi.

Now :

Bribes are a common theme in tamil movies today (Vivek's comedy in general, Anniyan etc. are classic examples) and Tamil Serials (even today in some serial my wife was watching, a cop takes bribes collected by his subordinates and hands it back to an old man!) and not to mention, in real life. The derogatory connotation seems to be only in movies and teleserials. The average man has either accepted it or legitimized it. But reality is that, now you are forced to give the bribe and sugarcoat it in other terms. Lower middle class folks who were trying to balance their budgets are now doing the same thing but instead of bargaining with mango vendors and dress sellers, they are now trying to minimize the bribes they have to give !

Future

Currently a lot of companies in India have a scheme of paying their employees a fixed income and a non fixed income (?!) which includes a bunch of allowances. Employees exploit this system where they claim medical expenses, petrol charges, haircuts and what not with the added advantage of not having to pay taxes on these amounts. This is a legitimate way to bribe employees. While these are not like stock options, they are the future of payscales in the country. Pretty soon, bribes as a term will not exist. It will be fully legitimized as "variable pay" and an auction type capitalistic system will evolve for the rich and a "fixed pay" system will be set up for the lowest common denominator. The people who cannot afford much will pay a minimum for the poorest form of any service (be it in terms of time, quality or quantity) and the people who can afford anything will bid for better quality service where quality is proportional to pay.

What is the downside ?

1. Honest people who delude themselves into thinking that bribes are bad get hurt : example is the honest priest in Pazhani (everyone has to get with the program !).

2. People like me who feel that gods should be bribe exempt, get hurt. My wifes ex-colleague from Bombay came to visit us when we were on vacation. He said "hi, why is it that we have different tickets for balaji temple and more money means faster access.. i havent seen that in any temple in the north or west!". My answer to him was that Balaji was a busy god and he has more demand than supply (only so many people can pass by his shrine in any given day and so his stock price is up!.

3. People who cross the borderline between bribery and thievery like the winch operator who makes you sit on the side if you dont pay extra or a temple employee who yells at people in a temple line but lets you bypass the line if you pass him a fiver hurt people.

There is no downside till everyone gets on the same page, but until then...

Another beach trip

Madras, 104 F and climbing. Our family on vacation after my hectic trip to Madurai. "We got to show the little one some Madras fun !" said chittappa and chitti (my brother and his wife). Also my pregrant wife looked like she could use a break from the potty debacle. I will post soon on the perils of taking freshly potty trained toddlers to places where western toilets are not available and even if available, have wet floors and a little hand shower ! The results can be very testing to aduts who accompany such young ones. I digress, so back to the topic.

My brother decided to take us to the Besant Nagar beach. We crammed into the Maruti and went to the beach. As soon as we got there, we realized that half of Madras had decided to come to the beach that day. We made our way to the water but the little one refused to even set foot on the sand. Had to carry her the whole way to the water. This prompted my brother to remark "your daddy used to bring the entire beach to the house when he came back and you dont want any sand on you ? "

My trips to the beach were legendary. Used to come back home with a bag of shells and leave a sand trail all through the house.

My wife was so happy to see the water, and she started enjoying the waves. That encouraged the little one to get in the act. Everyone except chitti got their feet wet. We were amused by thre four stray dogs which checked us out !

It was dusk and a perfect time for enjoying all "beachy things" ! Some sundal, a ride in a "hand powered carousel" and needless to say a large ballon purchase. The crowd was really enjoying it too. In spite of a few thousand people crammed into a few thousand square feet, we felt we still had our privacy. Finally found one thing in Chennai that has not changed since my childhood days - the beach going experience.

Flying Monkeys

It was 5:00 in the evening, during a working June day in Mumbai. My father in law, had promised to come early from work that day, to take us out sightseeing. We decided to go to Juhu beach. Our little one had recently experienced Indian beaches in Chennai (will write about it another day). We drove to Juhu beach right around sunset. It was a perfect evening. Grandpa was still in the process of trying to become grand daughter's favorite. Considering that he had spent only two weeks with her since she was born he had a lot of catching up to do! First we had some Chat items in a chat stall, where mommy introduced my little girl to "Chat items". It was a right of passage.

Then it was time to stand on the waters edge and enjoy the waves. With a little encouragement, my daughter went to the waves.
That is when she saw them. Beautiful ballons in the shape of monkeys with long tails flying in the breeze.
Grandpa saw the perfect opportunity and promptly bought her one. The look on her face when she held the monkey, Priceless..

When it comes to capturing a place in your grand daughters heart, you can try buying her ordinary balloons, kites, sweets and candy.. but the flying monkey has no substitutes !!

Madurai Experience . .

This is my continuation of the posting "Whoring the Gods !".

Madurai Trip

After a two and a half hour bus ride in the hot sun from Pazhani to Madurai, we got down from the bus near the world famous Meenakshi Temple. The bus conductor, a nice man stopped the bus at a crossing (where the bus doesnt stop usually) so we could just go straight to the temple. Thinking that our luck had started changing, we went to "New College House". Once again, Chitappa was right. This place was closing at 2:00 PM. We entered at 1:50 PM , but were welcomed at the door. What followed was amazing. Rose milk, unlimited rice with sambar, rasam, curry , kootu, papad, vatha kozhambu, curd, sweet desert, ice cream and to top it off a banana and beeda all for 40 rupees (90 cents)!!!. We ate like it was our last meal and went to the hotel lobby. We were very tired and our next temple stop was going to open only at 4 PM. We killed two hours just watching a huge fish tank with large catfish in the lobby discussing the fate of temple towns. At 4:00 PM we decided to start for the second Lord muruga shrine of Thirupparankundram !!

Another amazing Temple . .

This temple has the gods carved directly on a mountain face. So the temple literally is joined to the mountain and has a pond cut directly into the lake. Unlike typical hindu temples where you can circle around the deity , this temple goes into the stone face !

Once again, we saw how all the priests were asking us for dakshina and how security guards were refusing to let us past unless we paid them five or ten rupees. It was a crying shame. But one amazing experience was Paddu and me feeding the fishes in the pond. There must have been a million fish and the temple pond was so calm and serene. The entire place was cooler by 10 degrees compared to the outside heat. We also saw a teacher in a white robe with a bunch of kids surrounding him at one of the gurukul ashrams in the temple (resident school for kids) and it reminded me of a shepard and a flock of sheep. The kids looked extremely happy. On our way out of the temple Paddu decided to feed the temple elephant a dozen bananas. I thought a few photographs of the feeding would absolutely thrill my two year old daughter and I took my camera out. A little boy ran out and said "50 rupees for Camera fees!". I told him that we were not inside the temple but were outside the premises and he shouldnt be charging me for taking photographs on the street. He insisted that the elephant was the main draw for photographers and it was temple policy to collect camera fee for photographing the elephant. I got furious and told him that it was not my policy to pay for taking pictures on the street and shut down my camera. After seeing the elephant I started missing my daughter and we decided to get back to Madurai and call Chennai to see how everyone was doing .. I decided to photograph a huge goat that was tied to a one of the poles outside the temple instead . . my daughter will understand her daddy !!

Sundar Err's .. Big time

When we came to Madurai I made the mistake of changing to shorts (my Jarigai veshti was dirty by now and I didnt want to lose it). To top things off I had my backpack with me. Our plan was to go to the temple directly and then go to the train station to catch the 8:30 to Chennai. Paddu gave me another lecture on how I might have as well painted a big red Target sign on my back ! I told him to keep quiet and we walked on. By this time we had both walked through two huge temples and were very tired and dehydrated. We walked into Meenakshi temple and made our way to the Meenakshi. .

What has this place come to ?

The last time I had visited Meenakshi temple was ten years ago in June 1995. The temple going experience then was a pleasant one. I still had a backpack and wore shorts then ! The magestic gopuram and the statues on the gopuram rushed back a flood of memories of the previous trip. We saw the long line to enter into the sanctum and decided to buy a ten rupee fast track ticket which had a shorter line. When I say shorter I mean relatively shorter. There were still a hundred people ahead of us in the line. The guy at the entrance must be a multi-millionaire was our thought. He was juggling the two lines and a third line that was hidden to the normal people. I made a passing comment about how Ganga and Jamuna are joined by an underground Saraswati river in Allahabad ! Apparently people who come in tourist buses on paid tours (time bound) get to go directly to the sanctum spend a few seconds there (get a fleeting glance of the deity) and are whisked away. This was the hidden line ! Our special ticket line wasnt moving any faster than the regular line and this frustrated a lot of people who were complaining about how their ten rupees was not well spent. Paddu and myself on the other hand were getting worried about missing our train. It was already 7:00 PM and we couldnt move out of this line. The only way out was to go finish our ordeal, see the godess and exit.

Miracle or Curse ?

When we came to the head of the line, there were two or three priests and two temple staff members. The priests were brahmin priests who looked like seasoned veterans in their late 40's early 50's. One of the priests told the other one "onnoda party vandhirukku. Thallikinu po.".

This is literally what pimps tell their prostitues in movies. Your customer has arrived, give him what he needs ! Considering the fact that we really didnt know any of the priest there we figured out that each priest targets people in the line and know whom to take in to collect a bribe. Unfortunately we were being taken in to see Meenakshi herself !! I felt giddy after I heard that and my brother was almost in tears. But we had no choice but to go in with that priest and doorman. Without blinking we gave them what they wanted saw the deity dressed in all her finery and walked out. Before walking out I told her that this would be my last visit to her home and I registered her image in my head. I told my brother that this was "it". No more temple trips when I come to India. He was still defensive. Why dont you say "this is my last temple trip in India wearing shorts and carrying a backpack" ? I told him, backpack or otherwise, temples are not great just because some king built a collosus few hundred or few thousand years back. Temples will loose their greatness when the people who are allowed inside commit sacrilege under gods roof. It was raining heavily outside but we managed to catch our train 10 minutes before departure..

With a heavy heart we said goodbye to Madurai and the Meenakshi temple. Recently there has been a push by leading tamil magazines, to make this the 8th wonder of the modern world because the temple has a hall with a thousand pillars. What is more wonderful is that Meenakshi still manages to smile in spite of what is being done to her..

Does she really know ?

:(

Whoring the Gods!

A Temple going experience

How it all began

It all started in 2003, when we just moved to our new house in Sunnyvale. Our little girl was just 5 months old and we had decided to remodel our newly purchased home while living in the master bedroom (me, the wife, baby and a very patient mother in law). With project deadlines at work looming large, I was under extreme stress. To top things off my mother in law's visa was ending and she took off to india. A few days after she left, my brothers wedding got arranged and our trip to india was confirmed for mid august 2003. I came home after another stressful day at work and hit the shower. In what can only be described as an unnatural experience for me, I got a vision of lord muruga (in the form of the Pazhani boy)

and he said "when you come to india, dont leave without visiting me". I came out of the shower and told my wife about the experience. She didnt have anything to say about this one way or another, but was supportive and in her usual style said "sure, we can visit Pazhani hills when we go". So it was decided that when we go to India in august, we will visit the temple on the hilltop.

A trip gone wrong

2003 August came and went. I ended up having nasal surgery two days after I landed in india. We had to cancel our tickets to Pazhani. With a heavy heart I told my parents that we will have to wait for our next india trip.

A second chance

2005 May. My grandparents get married again (renew their wedding wows is the american equivalent) on the occasion of my grandpa's 80th birthday. The 80 year old groom and 75 year old bride blush in style as they get married again..

The entire family is there to celebrate.. this time I insist that we make a trip to Pazhani hills. My wife decides to stay in Chennai with our daughter because she is 5 months pregnant and is not sure if she can handle the train journey and the hot sun. That is when my brother Paddu comes to the rescue. He makes all arrangements for the trip and off we go. We have a very hectic trip planned. We go by train from Chennai(9:30 PM on 2nd June) to Dindigul Junction (we reach the junction at 5 AM on 3rd June). Then we take a bus to Pazhani which reaches there by 6:30 AM and that is when the fun starts.

The first con . .

We had been instructed by our Chitappa (who visits this temple at least once a year because this is his family deity) to go to Devasthana lodge, refresh ourselves and then head over straight to the winch station. His estimate was that we would be able to go up the hill by 8:30 to see the Kaala Pooja and be back down by 10:00 AM to be enroute to madurai. Things started taking a strange turn the minute we set foot on Pazhani. First my brother asks an old man of 60-65 as we get down from the bus "which way to the devasthana lodge ?". The old man, who was nice and courteous says "I myself am going there. Why dont I show you the way?". Initially we are puzzled since this guy is a local but he insists that he is an employee of the lodge and he gets paid to bring people from the bus stop to the lodge. We follow him for 10-15 minutes and he takes us to a lodge that looks new but is not the devasthana lodge. Both of us got furious that we had been taken for a ride. We controlled ourselves and found directions by asking practically everyone we met and found the lodge. It was very affordable and nice. More along the lines of a transit hotel at an international airport, geared specifically for a short refresher break before the trip to the hill top. We were both ready in an hours time.

When in doubt, always listen to Chitappa

Chitappa did tell us specifically to go up the winch, go to the temple office and get one ticket which covers all the special prayer services for the god. He said " you get this ticket and you get to see the abhishegam up close and personal" . (abhishegam is basically annointing the deity with milk, sandalwood paste, fruit potpourri etc.). Just as we are about to go to the winch station the lodge caretaker says "you can buy the ticket up there. but you need to take the materials for the abhishegam with you from down here. They sell the stuff at the temple store." Taken aback by this new revelation my brother and yours truly take off to the temple store which is 30 yards from the lodge. Sure enough, there is a store with official temple seal which sells all stuff required for the service. An old man of 70-75 is in charge of parceling the stuff we buy. My brother pays for the milk which is given to us in a can. There are three young guys (25-35 year olds) who tell us that we have to take a whole bunch of things up there.. the list lengthens. Sensing another con we tell them "we will check with someone else before we buy all these things." Then the old man is about to tell me that the ticket we purchase at the top includes all this and one of the young guys (who is the old man's son!) responds "hey oldie, mind your job and just stick to the packaging. let me handle the business here". In the meantime, my brother leaves the store goes and talks to a middle aged couple who appear to be more confident tourists and they confirm that the ticket we buy at the hill top includes everything and we dont have to take anything with us. However if we want to buy additional material and hand over to the priest that is welcome. We decide to be more careful in the future and tell the guys "why do you lie in gods name ? " we dont get a response from the three fellows. so we march on to the winch station..

Two strikes.. one more to go.

We made out way to the winch station, an old building with sheet roofing, where already 70-80 people were waiting in line. Surprisingly, the one of the employees at the station who was manning the entrance waved to us. We ended up bypassing the line and going straight to the entrance. This sparked a hush hush conversation between paddu and myself. .

Paddu : of all days, you have to wear your "jarigai veshti" today to the temple ?!
Me : this is my "kalyana veshti" and the only one I wear these days. I dont get a chance to wear a dhoti in California everyday, only on occasions. So I have eliminated all the other ones and kept this one.
Paddu : look, now we are being targeted by these guys for bribes.
Me : why do you say that..
Paddu : why else do you think we are walking past an 80 strong crowd to the head of the line ?

we reach the gate and the guy says , "Saar, inge oruththar moonu ticket eduththuttaru.. aana , avanga family ellam ore winchla ponnumnnu aasai padaranga.. ippo vara winch'la rendu seat thaan baaki.. neenga enna sollareenga ? "

for those non tamil folks, he was telling us that a guy had got 3 tickets for the previous winch, but only 2 seats were left in that winch. So he wants to go with his entire family in the next winch. So would the two of you (me and Paddu) like to purchase the three tickets ?

The logical flaws in his argument were worse than the ones in recent hit Tamil movies, and it presented itself as a blatant bribing opportunity cloaked as a problem. Paddu promptly blurted out " how much should be pay ?". Maybe it was his tone, but the winch man became furious. "Saar, i am doing something to help you, but you are seeing me in bad light. you are hinting that I am trying to do something bad here. There are plenty of people who would be glad to go in this winch. So the two of you go sit in the side. we will tell you when your turn comes ".

This was not in the plan ! These days, you have to bribe these $#@&%&'s and tell them they are respectable people. Calling a spade a spade is punishable, not by law, but by the same lawlessness !!. So, we waited for 20 minutes and at that point, we both decided to call it quits. We were going to find an alternate way to go up. So we told the guy to let us out of the line. At that point we saw what was going on. There was a big potbellied guy with a green towel(like the typical politician's uniform) who was sitting at a desk coordinating the whole thing. Sick to our stomachs with what we had just witnessed, we came out , took an autorickshaw and went around to the other side of the hill to use the new "cable car".

This facility was more modernized and was ferrying people up and down much more efficiently. An hour later we were finally ascending in the four passenger cable car. It was three strikes, and we didnt have the stomach for more shocks..

Goosebumps

After buying the one and only ticket for the Pooja, we were whisked away to the deity by temple staff like royalty and were given a seat literally 10 feet from the idol. It was a fantastic site and the whole "kaala Pooja" gave me goosebumps. It was a surreal experience to see Pazhani Murugan at that close range. Just when I thought I had found some meaning into why Lord Muruga wanted me to visit him ( I was still asking him that ) when my brother said "come out of your trance, the pooja is over"
At this point I was about to take a 500 Rupee note and put it in the Hundi (collection box). This evoked a suprising reaction in Paddu, one of horror and shock. His expression said " How my brother in California lives such an ignorant life. How can he not know the right thing to do in this situation". I had this "what did i do wrong ? " look in my face. Paddu went on to explain how todays temples are run by the government and how any money we put in the collection box goes to the pockets of corrupt winch operators and politicians. He also went on to explain the plight of the priests in the temples who are now salaried government employees exempt from accepting money from the general public and are therefore living in abject poverty !

Apparently the right thing to do was to give the money to the brahmin priest (the one with the poonal or sacred thread). All this having been explained to me in rapid fire fashion, I changed course and the 500 Rupee note headed for the priests plate. when it was just 3 inches shy of hitting the plate, a strange pair of hands grabbed the note !!

The Hand of God ?

In a swift move that would have given Diego Maradona a run for his money, a young priest (sans thread !?) bypassed the money and said " I will make sure you get the prasadam ". dont worry, go stand in that corner over there. At that point, we were suddenly made to feel like very important people by two or three of these non threaded priests. They gave us all the prasadam one by one and said " can you please give us our Dakshina ? " The priest gave me a look which was very similar to the one that Leonardo Dicaprio gives when he realizes he is going to be confined to an iron mask for god knows how long!. Luckily for me we had a couple of 100 rupee notes which we gave to these men and without looking back made a dash for the exit. We had clearly had enough. The one bright spot was the monkeys outside which seemed to have far more dignity and self respect than the animals inside the temple. We went back to the bus stop to be on our way to Madurai. Didnt know what surprises lay in store for us there !

Paddu explains Temples today

On our way to Madurai, my brother started his lecture on why temples in india are in their current state. Based on my state of shock, he obviously thought this was the best way to bring me to a normal state. I always appreciate Paddu's point of view. He has a level head on his shoulders and is more of a stoic, in sharp contrast to the boiling cauldron of emotions that I am, in most situations. His logic was that kings in those days built temples till their coffers ran dry and the temples in those days(and to a most part today) were the theme parks of yester years. Pazhani would probably rate along the same lines as a trip to disney land today for the then locals. They would make a field trip out of it, and in the process patronize the local vendors, priests and the various people who made an economy out of this temple. This in his words were akin to us buying poporn in a mickey mouse pained container for 5 bucks knowing damn well that the thing would be worth 50 cents.
People dont treat temples the same these days he said. The government has taken over temples, there is no solid economy that directly supports the people involved and that has turned these people to either beggars or thieves ! Having had nothing to eat since that morning and being in an open bus with outside temperatures in the range of 104 F, it was more than food for thought. I had "thought for food" for lunch.

Madurai Beckons

I will write all about our experiences in Madurai tomorrow. The hand needs a rest..

For those of you who are not familiar with some of the Lingo in this post, I apologize. I will add pictorial links to those words tomorrow..