A festive and exhausting weekend

Started writing this post and somehow it took on too sad a tone. So decided to post about the mornings hike first!

The festival season is officially open. That starts with the Varalakshmi nombu, observed by the women. This year was a muted affair given the pandemic and also because Jr. was leaving for college early the next morning. 

Cooking and packing don't mix. That sums up that. Still San did a great job and got us some goodies and did her pooja. Have said this before a zillion times.. she is always my madisar wearing hottie! She lights me up whenever she dresses up in her wedding saree. 

The weekend had the thread changing ceremony for the guys in our family on Saturday followed by a 1008 time recitation of the Gayathri mantra today! These events have been described in this blog for a good 16 years now.. bottomline, I get to change my thread, meditate for a long time using a mantra for at least that day. On normal days I say it a 108 times in 6 minutes. Every 90 minute hot yoga class is a moving meditation and some classes I just move with the Gayathri mantra going on in my head in an infinite loop and that count would be close a 1008 as well on most days. 

The reason for the sad tone of the post that got scratched? Flight reliability. I have not been on a plane since we landed from Costa Rica on New Years day 2020. As most of you know, my Asia trips came to a halt as did all travel. Since then San has flown once to Seattle and her flight was delayed 5 hours. Jr. came and went from the midwest twice last year and both times she was fortunate to not have more than 30 minute delays. The MIL has come and gone back to India without event. 

This time our luck ran out. Jr. sat in a plane for 2 hours and they aborted the flight for some mechanical issue. So I went back to SFO to get her back home and there was a scramble to book her on the next flight where she could make a connection. A note to parents.. when considering your kids college, think about if it is a direct flight away or if there is a connection. Connections make it incredibly difficult, especially to smaller cities. We had to go back to SFO a third time to drop her off for the red eye. I know Uber drivers do this all day, but they have the practice and experience and their passengers are not anxious children who are worried about making it to campus before school starts Monday.

The idea that she should be here on Nombu day was tricky. We did not anticipate this flight issue. Why planes show up at gates, board all passengers and then find out they have issues is beyond me! This is one issue that seems to have no progress over the years!

She finally made it to campus today. Given the mornings experience, I did not sleep till the flight status changed to show the plane left the runway. It was on the runway for 30 minutes on a red eye! Lets say I didn't sleep last night. 

Was wondering how my parents dealt with it when I left home.  There was no texting, no facetime, no nothing. We left on a train and reached college 42 hours later. There was no feedback loop. Same thing when I came to grad school. Maybe all this technology is making me more anxious than I should be!

Over years of traveling I have had flights canceled, sat in plane and been de boarded, have slept in airport floors over night, but all of these experiences were not a big deal because it was me. Maybe my family had some anxiety but I doubt it. Maybe the lesson in this is for me to let Jr. go through these learning experiences and teach her all my travel tips. 

In the middle of the first and second trips to SFO, I had manged to do the thread changing ceremony! After very little sleep last night and going on a sleep walking hike for 8 miles, came home and did the Gayathri japam this morning.

Given the mental and physical exhaustion, did the only thing I know that can give me that "you are dead and back, nothing can touch you now!" feeling. So went and did yoga to wrap up the day!

Here are some pictures in random order..

It has been a hectic weekend and I need a weekend from this weekend, or so it feels!

Now I have to just contend with Facetiming Jr. for the next few months!

The thinking cap.. or thread.. is on!

Last weekend was interesting. It was the beginning of a lot of festivities. First the ladies celebrated Varalaskshmi vritham on Friday. We had a lot of friends and family visiting us in the evening. 

Had to fly out on Saturday afternoon and was initially very disappointed because the thread changing ceremony which I look forward to every year was on Sunday/Monday based on an earlier conversation with my parents. 

Was also looking forward to chatting with my nephews... all three of them who had their Upanayanam ceremony this summer. 

When I told my mom that I will miss the ceremony and spend the day on a plane and given I lose 15 hours due to time difference, the days and times don't count. My dad said in a matter of fact voice "change the thread before you leave or after you come back. I will tell you when. Something is better than nothing!". Then went on their usual gripe about travel, priorities in life, a persons reasoning, am I doing this travel for money or for some higher purpose, money is not the priroity,  etc. etc. 

As it turned out the actual day for the ceremony was Saturday and Sunday. So I got up bright and early on Saturday and changed my Poonal (refered to as thread in this blog over the years).

Wife and MIL had plenty of Idly batter from the previous day and made me Idly and also some Pongal. Was going to fast the rest of the day on the plane and do Gayathri Japam on the plane if possible. 

My parents were happy after seeing that picture. I pretty much slept through the plane ride and after reaching the hotel, took a shower, sat down facing the setting sun in the 20th floor of a hotel room and recited the gayathri mantra a 1008 times. My nose was blocked after the flight thanks to United freezing us in mid flight but it didn't stop me. Ate a few more of the packed idlis and went to sleep. 

Had severe headaches the rest of the trip and finally made it back. Went to do yoga and as usual the new white thread catches peoples eyes before I walk into the room and a person asks "what is the meaning of that?". 

So I went on the usual "It is something that a particular sect from India wears as a mark of their commitment to learning and the pursuit of knowledge." then after a few more questions and answers later (by this time I have a practical FAQ on the thread aka poonal written inside my head and the answers come with practiced ease), there was a bonus question. "Is it passed on by birth only or can anyone wear this thread and do the ceremony? You tell me that you are still into research and development and pride yourself on learning and I get it, but you are no longer doing priest stuff right? So why wear this thread?" 

When the question is asked in English with a Japanese accent from an innocent and sincere face, I felt my FAQ needed a re-write!

Told her that as far as I knew, most of the folks who wear the thread were born into the families of brahmins, but there are lot of instances of folks accepting the thread and pursusing a brahmin life. I still had not answered the second part of the question.. why still wear it if you are not doing prayers every day like a priest?

The bell rang and I walked into the hot room. We were 55 minutes into the 90 minute class and were going from standing series to floor series to get a 2 minute break lying down staring at the ceiling in dead body pose. I was way too alive for those two minutes as my brain was trying to consisely summarize what definied a person as a brahmin, more specifically what defined me in my own opinion (that level of restricting the question should have an easy answer). Forget the rest of the world Sundar.. what makes you a Brahmin in your own mind?

So I tried to summarize with my fingers the bullet points of what I valued as Brahmin, lying there staring at the ceiling, counting with my thumb against the tips of my fingers. 

a. Value knowledge over everything else

    1. Keep an open mind

    2. respect your teacher above anything else

    3. keep learning no matter what your age

    4. don't keep that learning to yourself. . . teach people whenever possible (and I was smiling thinking...

        unless restricted by IP licenses and legal contracts)

    5. Question things.

        i. If the answers don't make sense keep questioning

        ii. don't accept an answer because it is convenient

        iii. don't reject an answer because it is beyond your comprehension at that time.

b. Don't chase money, power or crave social acceptance

    1. Knowledge and and education are more important than being rich or powerful

    2. spare no effort to make sure your kids get the best education (something that was passed on from

        parents and relatives)

    3. value knowledge and money will come. Value money and ignorance and arrogance will come.

c. Be obsessive compulsive when it comes to cleanliness

    1. if there is one thing that is common to all the rules to follow growing up in a Brahmin family it is the love

        for cleaning oneself obsessively and learning to love it..

    2. be careful with what you eat and how you clean things before eating (goes to vegetarian choice, cleaning

        the floor before putting plates or eating from banana leaves, drinking from glasses where you dont touch

        the glass with your lips, sharing food with others in same plates etc.. ).

Almost looks like folks came up with elaborate rules after some epidemic that was spread by human contact or through food and the rules stayed with the survivors of the epidemic and became the POR or BKM.. (Process Of Record , Best Known Method for folks who are wondering..)

d. Follow the rules

    1. Be it the rituals to follow during prayers (it is more like a training for you to know that following rules is important, maybe some rules are made by the priest and others are made by your wife.. but follow the rules you must)

    2. or the rules in daily life. If there is a rule of law follow it or work to change it

e. Respect 

    1. everyone for what they do. I do see a lot of folks with the thread falter on this one. If you do have good guidance and great teachers, you will know that respecting everyone for what they do is the right way. 

    2. respect yourself (you realize this as part of the daily ritual after getting the thread)

    3. respect the thread and what it reminds you of and what it stands for

Visions of my grandfather kept coming to me and I had tears for no reason just thinking of him. I would constantly try to be a pain in the ass asking him 20 questions per minute and he would sit in the backyard in the evening and explain things to me one at a time with infinite patience while taking some Tulasi and green camphor, crush it and hold it under my nose to clear my blocked nose so I could ask him more questions without suffering.. 

My kids never ask me any such questions. They seem to have some intuitive understanding of who they are and are comfortable with who they are..

I was all set to have more detailed answers for the next time someone asked me questions.. 

Then came the funny side of life. Does this come in different sizes? you used to have a smaller thread.. this one is much larger! it was true. Somehow the priest who gave me this thread has given me a much longer poonal. 

was going to say "It comes in S, M, L and XL. Somehow I got the XL but given I already changed it, going to stick to it till next year and go back to M" but turth is most of the time I have seen only two sizes, a kids size and adult size.. For some reason this time I have a much longer one.

Have to go ask my dad for answers!

Every year around this time there is a lot of festivities. Today happens to be Janmashtami, Krishna's birthday. There is more stuff to eat and a prayer to be said in the name of Krishna.. 

My stomach is returning to normal again just in time and that is great news..

MIL has outdone herself this year with some treats!

Being Brahmin and wearing a poonal should not stop with just wearing it and doing Sandhyavandanam.. to me it means knowing how to make seedai, experimenting with it, passing on what I learned and most importantly washing my hands before eating the seedai! 

Good times in Chennai

The Chennai visit also got us a chance to go visit the great grand parents for the kids, go visit temples, feed the crows before eating every morning.. little things that define Chennai life for the rest of the family that we enjoy when we go there.. 

First stop as usual was Kabali temple... 

We did the usual veggie shopping, goli soda drinking, and walking around the Mylapore area thing that puts some memory markers in their respective places.. 

A single photo that captures that evening..

Then there was a miracle. My mother and Jr. went to the local temple and overheard the local priest tell a bunch of folks that given the solar eclipse coming this year on the same day we change our threads, a section of folks who follow the Yajur Veda should change their threads in July. While the oldies in the family were debating the technicalities of doing "aavani avittam" outside the month of Aavani, I jumped at it. Have not been able to do this with my dad or brother in 25 years! So this was a sun moon and earth given chance. 

The changing of thread was followed by some yummy food and the rest of the afternoon was spent taking a nice nap! To me this ceremony is about renewing a commitment to learning and keeping an open mind. Have learned a lot of new things last year about myself, folks around me and the world in general and have continued to realize that there is more to learn and all this learning still wont help you because something is always going to come way out of left field and knock all this learning meaningless. 

We did the usual rounds visiting friends and family and also did some shopping for the kids. The great grand parents are all managing their health issues and pushing onwards in their late eighties or early nineties.

We wrapped the trip up with a visit to Kaleidozone, a place where kids and adults can do Virtual reality games. Basically they have a nice set up with VR goggles and some interesting games.

The rates were reasonable and we spent more than an hour there followed by a nice dinner at a Delhi food restaurant and before you could say "I miss Chennai"... I had to fly back!

Don't know when the next time would be to visit Chennai, alone or with family. Here is to hoping it is sooner than later...

Irony

Every year, around this time, the thread ceremony is performed. This year, I was in airports and planes on the two designated days. 

Called my mom to tell her that work just trumped "Aaavaniavittam" and she told me to do it Sunday morning instead. 

So this morning I got up (never slept thanks to Jet lag is more like it), changed the thread, chanted the Gayathri mantra a 1008 times.

Funny thing is that when you sit in the same spot for an hour and you still think you are 25 years old.. one forgets that the lower half of your body is numb from lack of blood flow.

Tried to stretch my legs and get up and just fell down in one swoop. It was like I had no legs.. took me some time to realize what had just happened. Eventually the circulation returned and wrapped things up. Don't know that this is telling me other than "you need to do this more often so that you can recover from sitting cross legged for an hour and a half, sooner" 

Amma, this one is for you!

Given my mom is "worried" about my hair loss, this angle perfectly avoids the bald spot.. so going forward, going to make this the default angle! 

Now why Irony? Well, as part of the thread changing ceremony we use rice and sesame seeds in water as an offering.

 

Given my allergy to sesame seeds, playing with that water is like playing with fire for me. Maybe there is a hidden lesson for me in that as well. 

All said and done, there is a new thread and I look forward to explaining this to folks who ask about it over the next few weeks, from new yoga buddies to TSA agents!

While searching for previous links on the thread changing cermony, found this one.. someday the little one is giong to see what she puts her daddy through!

Another year.. still learning.. still searching for answers!

Festival season is here

Last week we celebrated a few things. Friday was Varalakshmi pooja for San, and the weekend was the thread changing ceremony for me. 

The idea behind the Varalakshmi pooja is that the women pray to the goddess for their husbands long life with the tacit assumption that a long life for the hubby is a good thing for the entire family. What really happens actually in those 24 hours, on the day of the pooja would put any Jack Bauer season to shame, given the amount of twists and turns that happen during the event.

This year the camera never came out to take pictures of the kids after the function. We should have them dress up tomorrow and take a picture to add to this collection. Also this year, for the first time in a long time, I was hale and healthy during August. August has never been good to me for unknown reasons. My parents used to dread the month because as a child I had maybe 1 or 2 normal days in August. This year my health has seen a welcome change!

The day after Varalakshmi pooja, the plan was for me to go do Yoga early, come back to take a shower and do the thread changing ceremony. That did not work out as planned, as we had slept late the previous night after all the festivities and I snored away till 6 AM.  A little over three hours later, finished the thread changing and completed repeating the Gayathri manthra a 1008 times. This year, I did it in the backyard, because it was very pleasant outside. Was almost in a trance and was very calm and serene. Went to yoga class right after that and it made quite a difference. If you sit and meditate for 2 hours and then go do yoga, the breathing comes easy! Unfortunately that cannot be repeated on a daily basis given the usual work and home schedule. 

The work week rolled past quickly and yesterday was Gokulashtami. A birthday celebration for Krishna. Wife and kids did the usual welcome by drawing baby feet that come into the house and take Krishna right to the treats.

For Christian friends who read this blog, this is the desi equivalent to keeping cookies and milk for Santa and posting a sign near the chimney that says "this way to cookies". Our kids didn't have any doubts of Santa coming down to eat cookies and leaving them gifts when they were young. Think of Gokulashtami as Krishmas. In Krishmas, the gift is the FOOD! 

When I walked into the house, my first thought was "Looks like Krishna is developing an arch support problem and needs to do more awkward pose.".  My criticism of the feet was received poorly by the three girls.

We made some sweets and savories for the little god (and our two little gods) to enjoy. This year, I took some shortcuts and made rava seedai instead of the regular ones and some Thattai. Went mild on the salt and chilli so the kids can eat. Apparently they like it "a little more spicier than this".

The little one said "the look, texture and crispiness is all fine, but it needs more spice". In short she gave me a B+ at best. 

We have ten more days to go before celebrating the elephant god's brithday with a different genre of sweets. Just thinking of that is making my mouth water. Travel does kill a lot of the festival season fun and it is going to be no different this year.

For now, it is time to finish off the current stock of sweets and savories before the next bunch comes in. The kids have come to the conclusion that all these celebrations of god birthdays back to back in August/September is just an excuse for families to get together and make different specialty foods at least once a year. Told them "yep, that is pretty much it".

Next year, I am going to make sure they know how to make some of this stuff themselves.