A travelers observations.. and yes Happy Valentines!

It is 2015. The world is all connected and wired. Artificial intelligence can now recognize a cat from a picture and at the same time, a cat can get on the internet with his/her iPad! 

Yet, the world is not able to use all this connectivity and intelligence to move forward. For every advancement on one side, there is something else that forces humanity to push things backward and keep us going at the same average pace.

Take the USA. We now have gay marriages recognized in more states than 4 years ago and yet, women's right to choose and get basic contraception has taken a big step back in more states for the same time frame. Progress comes slow and steady. It is not something that happens overnight and it seems to be by design. Sometimes I keep thinking "god has a really great sense of humor"! We have on the one side folks who have worked so hard to eradicate diseases like Polio and Measles and now we have Measles parties apparently in Marin county and Polio is making a nice comeback in Pakistan. 

Now lets talk about the two biggest elephants in the room. China and India. These are large countries. Large populations and developing indigenous "stuff" helps level the playing field. 

Last time on a visit to Asia I saw the locals all sporting Jackets that said GAP, COlumbia or North Face. Anything else and you are not with the "in crowd". Folks are ready to fork out full price for iPHone 6's because it is a status symbol. Meanwhile here I am going bargain shopping at local alleyways. Now why does China work so hard to have a Baidu instead of Google, a Wechat instead of Facebook, a Youku instead of Youtube and a Redmi instead of an iPhone (okay.. that last one I like)? 

They are trying to keep everything within their family, plain and simple. It is easier said than done. Folks there want to drive BMW's and Lexus. They don't go for local brands. It is a question of currency and what you import vs. what you export. More Pepperidge farm cookies are making it across the pacific than Panda cookies the other way. 

Why bring this up? Western culture does not threaten the east and its people. It is the subtle threat of the financial impact of Westernization to the economy that is the bigger problem. Capitalism seems to have two tenets. 

1. If you are smart and or hard working, you can make it big in a capitalistic society

2. The more money you have the more chances that you will make even more money

The first one is what attracts folks who are at the bottom towards the west. You can take yours truly as a prime example. Come to the USA with 1000$ in borrowed money and we now live in Cupertino and have a great living standard. 

The second one does not work at every level. There is a threshold that moves to higher and higher $ amounts over time when that holds true. At a person level it does not make a difference, but as a company or a government it definitely holds true. Hence the scare or threat!

Valentine's day is always a tricky issue in India. Not because of the average Joe .. sorry the Average Ram or Rahim having anything against going out and having fun with their family on some pretext.  For the right wing folks it is seen as a "threat to their way of life". Now let me digress..

When my parents learned that I was ballroom dancing, they asked me to send them a picture or show them a video of what this "ballroom dancing" was. This was pre internet and youtube days. So I sent them a few pictures from a dance competition. 

The phone call that followed after the pictures reached was interesting.  My mom and dad was disappointed to see their lad holding girls in a waltz hold and the thing that was most frustrating to them was that I had the girl's hand inside my hand. That was puzzling to me.

So I asked "the fact that my body is against the girl or is touching is less offensive than my hand enclosing her hand?" and the response was interesting.

When you get married, your prospective father-in-law will give his daughters hand folded like a lotus flower and put her hand in yours. That is the first time you are supposed to hold a womans hand. Then it means something. Do you know in Weddings today folks who want to congratulate the married couple but have to leave early, go to the bride and groom and start shaking hands to wish them luck? That is so un-auspicious in the middle of the wedding ceremony. The priests in those days would stop a wedding if something like that happened.

I kind of got the "your hand in marriage" part and the "it is special if it is the first time" part. These are different days. Women work with men. They shake hands with lots of people. Men dance with women.. They hold hands with lot of women. That does not mean the "special" part is dead.

Our whole marriage happened in strange circumstances. I hardly knew San. Had talked to her for all of 20 minutes before marrying her. When her father gave her hand folded like a lotus and put it in my hand, I almost cried because my thoughts at the time were "I am sure to let this girl down. God help me fix this!" 

16 years later we are doing more than okay. My eyes still light up when she walks into a crowded room (or so the little one tells me) and she knows I breathe for her.  Lotus hand or othewise, no one knows why some relationships work and some don't. 

Now, this year we celebrate Valentines day without going out anywhere. I made Taro curry for Jr., and snake gourd kootu for San and she made my favorite rasam and Tindora curry for the little one. They are also letting me do yoga twice today to catch up on my 60 day Challenge backlog. Everyone seems to be happy so far. We have all said our "I love you"'s and are done with hugs and kisses for the morning. Was that too hard or too much to ask for?

Now, maybe if in India they create a day called "Radhe-Shyam day" or "Saavan ka pyaara divas" or some such local thing.. (a la Baidu) to coincide within a day or two of Valentines, then maybe things will work. 

Funny thing is when I mentioned that to a non desi American friend, he laughed and said "you have Holi!  It is beautiful. We all look the same when we are all colored and we get to hug everyone, put colors on everyone and celebrate. It is way better than Valentines day and I look forward to it every year and hope to get invites to some Holi party or other to take my family! "

The grass is always greener on the other side folks! As for the folks who threaten to force couples seen together on Valentines day to get married in India, they either have the IQ of a raisin or they are the ones that are caught watching Porn in Parliament. 

The US is not faring much better these days either. We have created a generation of kids in the last 12-13 years who have no tolerance for anyone who does not resemble them with respect to race, religion or language. A lot of them end up in roles that are supposed to "serve and protect" the general population and they are the last ones who should get those jobs. There are Chirstian Madrasas popping up all over the US and it is not much different from the Muslim ones in Pakistan or the Hindu ones in India.  

That said, the average population seems to be resilient and does condone the acts of the graduates of these short sighted institutions. Have seen people in the US condemn the killings in North Carolina, brutal force used against an old dad who was just walking around the neighborhood, people in India condemn acts of rape and forced marriage threats on Valentines day and the list goes on.

It is my sincere wish that the world take a step forward without taking two steps back when it comes to love, tolerance and valuing life in general. 

If we are taught that one life is better than another, there is no way we can appreciate life in general. Chuck Norris comes to mind again. 

We are now actively working on teaching our kids that every life is the same. It is harder than you think because we have unwittingly already taught them that it is not!  

That is another post for another day. For now, Happy Valentines day to everyone who cares to celebrate it. 

We should spend more time celebrating hugs and kisses in public instead of forced marriages, stonings and beheadings. 

Here's to a better tomorrow, here's to Love!