All it takes
Monday, November 23, 2009 at 10:05PM Have cried now, thanks to my mom who spent a good hour on the phone with me after reading my post (after the kids had gone to bed).
Incidentally, the video in the previous post was in the making since the 14th. My grandpa has been appearing in my dreams and thoughts since the day before my "MP3 post" on the 4th of November. Had started listening to that tape (after a gap of 2+ years) and realized it was going bad. Then figured out that using the old Walkman and some freeware (like A-Kay said) it was possible to digitize the tape.
Spent days converting that tape and canceling noise to get the audio cleaned up. Sent an email to my brother and cousin on the 14th that "Appa's voice" is now in MP3! My cousin suggested that I upload it somewhere. Having no experience in uploading to audio share sites, but having plenty of experience on Youtube, decided to have that audio as a soundtrack and put pictures of the entire family to go with the audio like a slide show.
Never realized that it would become a "In memory of" video.
I am reasonably sure that it is not a coincidence that my grandpa appears in my dreams multiple times in a span of 10 days, two weeks before his death.
Seriously, what are the odds of me vividly remembering my dreams (to the point that they feel real), what are the odds of having two such dreams and the odds of starting to make that video a week before?
Cannot think of this as coincidence. They tell you that sometimes thought and feelings can cross physical boundaries.
Told this to some of my colleagues and they thought I was going Cuckoo! The good thing is at least my mother did not think that I was going Cuckoo..
Maybe it is because "Cuckookum tan kunju pon kunju?" (see I am back to my old self already!)
The kids had a debate earlier today on what color "Thatha Angel's" wings were. The little one claims it is white like a butterfly and Jr. claims he has glass wings. To each his/her own. I cannot imagine him as the flying type.
If Appa wanted to do something in heaven, I can imagine him sitting on a mountain of folded Vethalai (betel leaves), with his silvery seeval and pugai-ilai(tobacco) box, chewing away till the cows hung their head in shame and realized that they were better off learning from the Chew master than coming home. It was not easy for him to quit chewing tobacco when he had his first heart attack almost 20 years ago, but he did it.
He also gets to hear GNB live in heaven, something which we cannot do. No more falling down often and going for stitches, no more tubes up his nose and mouth, no more having two people help him go to the bathroom, no more sleeping on rubber sheets like a baby.
As my mother put it after my crying spree, time to move on and be happy for him.
Maybe his wings are made of glass like the kid says?!
All it takes is the right person to say the right thing and this mind does wonderful things.
Tomorrow is going to be "make the wife and kids happy again day" at our house.
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appayithathayi, coincidence, connection, crying, grief, tears, thatha
Reader Comments (7)
My condolences to your family, Sundar. You re lucky that your thatha lived long and your kids know him. I was extremely close to my paternal thatha and to this day feel incredibly sad that he was nt there for my wedding. That my girls will never know him. sigh! this growing up business is not fun.
Take care. hugs.
God bless your mom! And remember how blessed you were in having such a wonderful grandfather well into your adulthood. I'm sure he was trying to tell you something, and that you are not cuckoo:)
oh my condolences for your loss... it is good that you are recovering now.. take care!
It is lighter on the soul that you are on your way of bounce back.
I am sure your thatha is working his magic too !
My namaskarams to your mom too. Sometimes, they pluck the words from nowhere and you feel very different !!
I hope tomorrow is going to accomplish all you have planned to.
:)
I am with the little one, pretty white fluffy wings I think. Glass sounds a bit heavy :( Don't know what to say Sundar, hope things get better soon.
I have been following your blog on and off for several years now. I also live in cupertino and came across it accidentally while looking for a restaurant review. Usually, reading your description of your kids antics make me smile (I have a 5 year old).
Today for the first time, tears came to my eyes and I could relate to your feelings for your thatha.
Our condolences to you and your family.