All it takes

Have cried now, thanks to my mom who spent a good hour on the phone with me after reading my post (after the kids had gone to bed).

Incidentally, the video in the previous post was in the making since the 14th. My grandpa has been appearing in my dreams and thoughts since the day before my "MP3 post" on the 4th of November. Had started listening to that tape (after a gap of 2+ years) and realized it was going bad. Then figured out that using the old Walkman and some freeware (like A-Kay said) it was possible to digitize the tape.

Spent days converting that tape and canceling noise to get the audio cleaned up. Sent an email to my brother and cousin on the 14th that "Appa's voice" is now in MP3! My cousin suggested that I upload it somewhere. Having no experience in uploading to audio share sites, but having plenty of experience on Youtube, decided to have that audio as a soundtrack and put pictures of the entire family to go with the audio like a slide show.

Never realized that it would become a "In memory of" video.

I am reasonably sure that it is not a coincidence that my grandpa appears in my dreams multiple times in a span of 10 days, two weeks before his death.

Seriously, what are the odds of me vividly remembering my dreams (to the point that they feel real), what are the odds of having two such dreams and the odds of starting to make that video a week before?

Cannot think of this as coincidence. They tell you that sometimes thought and feelings can cross physical boundaries.

Told this to some of my colleagues and they thought I was going Cuckoo! The good thing is at least my mother did not think that I was going Cuckoo..

Maybe it is because "Cuckookum tan kunju pon kunju?" (see I am back to my old self already!)

The kids had a debate earlier today on what color "Thatha Angel's" wings were. The little one claims it is white like a butterfly and Jr. claims he has glass wings. To each his/her own. I cannot imagine him as the flying type.

If Appa wanted to do something in heaven, I can imagine him sitting on a mountain of folded Vethalai (betel leaves), with his silvery seeval and pugai-ilai(tobacco) box, chewing away till the cows hung their head in shame and realized that they were better off learning from the Chew master than coming home. It was not easy for him to quit chewing tobacco when he had his first heart attack almost 20 years ago, but he did it.

He also gets to hear GNB live in heaven, something which we cannot do. No more falling down often and going for stitches, no more tubes up his nose and mouth, no more having two people help him go to the bathroom, no more sleeping on rubber sheets like a baby.

As my mother put it after my crying spree, time to move on and be happy for him.

Maybe his wings are made of glass like the kid says?!

All it takes is the right person to say the right thing and this mind does wonderful things.

Tomorrow is going to be "make the wife and kids happy again day" at our house.

.

My Dearest Appayithathayi

Earlier today there was a phone call from India. We were having an afternoon nap. Without realizing that it was day and looking at the clock and seeing 1:30, I told my mom, "isn't it too early to call me for a birthday wish. how many times do I tell you to note time difference before waking me up too early? Call me later" and my mother goes "have bad news for you, and by the way, it is afternoon for you and it is 3 AM for me! Appa is not with us anymore".

My grandfather, who I call "Appa" (daddy) because I saw my mom and all her siblings call him Appa, named me Sundararaman because he was reading "Sundara Kaandam" from Ramayana the previous week. The name implies, Rama who belongs to Sundara (also known as Hanuman or Anjaneya). A pious man who always put family first, there are so many words that rush to my mind.

My grandpa has filled our lives with happiness, tried his best to teach us how to enjoy and appreciate life, handle difficult situations and has been a role model to all his kids and grand kids (which we will pass on to his great grand kids) on how to appreciate people, god, music, and culture.

More than anything, he taught every one how to love, cherish and appreciate one's spouse. In April, when I went to visit him (last time we met), was talking to a local auto rickshaw driver near Hotel Carnival..

Me: Adayar Sri Krishna Sweets ponum pa, variya? (have to go to Adayar, will you come?)

Driver : Jodi Thatha peran dhane nee? (you are "Jodi" grandpa's grandson right?)

Me : !!!

Driver : Unga thatha mudiyudho mudiyaliyo, patti kayya pudichu enga ponalum ezhuthukitte povaru, adhanaala naanga Jodi thathannu solluvom! (your grandpa holds on to your grandmas hand and takes her with him everywhere, irrespective of wheather she can or cannot walk. So we nicknamed him "Jodi" thatha .. which means "partner" by the way!).

He lived a full life. My paati, their 6 children and families which include 11 grand children and 5 great-grand children will all miss him and will definitely celebrate his life.

It feels sad that out of all those people, I am the only one who will not be there and have to go through a grieving process remotely. It is times like these that we need to have Star Trek like Transporters made available sooner. While the rest of them are all gathered in one place as I type this to cremate him, have put together a tribute to him on youtube.

Here is to my Dear Thatha...

We love you!

ps. this is a collection of photos and videos from what was available here. the sound in the background is his reciting Ramayana in 1993 for me. He gave me that tape so I could listen to him whenever I missed him!

.