What does one say?!

Adengappa is on the receiving end right now. I completely understand what he is going through!

He is receiving condolences, sympathies for being Indian, amazement that every Indian in the USA made it out of the Indian slums, etc.

This is not a new problem and it goes both ways. Eastern perception of the west or the Western perception of the east (trust me, my Chinese grad school buddies have told me similar stories and this is not just and India USA thing) have the same issues.

In case you are not following this yet, let me give you some case studies.

Mottai or Mundan : We went to India to celebrate my daughters first birthday. As is the south Indian custom, we had our daughters hair shaved off just before her first birthday. We do not give haircuts till sometime before the kid is 9 months old and the first hair cut is a total shave and the hair is offered to gods (usually done in a temple). Grandpa says this actually helps hair take better roots and there is some hair health secret behind this. Nevertheless...

We come back to the USA after the celebration. The kid is a little tired after all the travelling. A woman at the local grocery store is all sympathetic to her. I didn't get it initially and finally figured out that she thought my daughter had cancer and was going through some kind of Radiation treatment! Why else would a kid get its hair shaved off ?!

Women who don't believe in pre-marital sex : This might get me in hot water and you might say this is generalizing, but based on the limited sample size that I have encountered, there are a lot many desi students who show up in the USA who belive that the average American woman accepts pre-marital sex as the norm and are genuinely surprised to find that to be not true!

There are Indians who don't know English : Yeah, seriously.. there were a lot of Americans I have interacted with who thought that all Indians were fluent in English, were we well "versed" in Madonna and Michael Jackson Lyrics as they were with Vedas and Upanishads. After all, why wouldn't they?! All the Indians they encountered in school spoke fluent english. One professor even thought all Indians wore a "poonal" or sacred thread. That really was something. That meant all his previous grad students were Brahmins and no one told him that it was a very small subset of the population.

All Americans are well educated : Even beggars in America beg in English and by extension, they should all be well educated! If you think this is a joke, go take a survey in the potti kadais and barber shops of Chennai and you will see that this image holds true. Truth is far from it. In India speaking English is a sign of education. Here everyone speaks english (or American) and there are people here who cannot read and write fluently but they only speak the language. The public education system here today is no different from the state of "corporation" schools in TamilNadu in the early eighties and people are just about to start chanllenging and changing this system.

Every Indian has visited the Taj Mahal : Just like the Eiffel tower shows up in the window in every hollywood movie that is supposedly shot in Paris, every desi is supposedly been to the Taj. This is almost something taken for granted by Americans. I am yet to visit the Taj Mahal and it is something to be "rectified". I also happen to have travelled the USA a lot more than the average American! Know a lot of Californians who have never visited New York or Washington DC! Seriously, I kid you not! Both India and the USA are large countries and not everyone in these countries has visited every national monument, tourist attaction, and yet.....

All Indians write software,

All Americans own guns and are trigger happy,

All desis are cheap and go to India everytime they need a root canal

etc. etc.

and the list goes on...

All Americans are war mongers : This one joined the list in 2003 after the Iraq invasion.

All of India is a slum : this has just recently joined the list, after Slumdog

There will be many more additions to the list over the coming years!

What does one do though, when faced with these situtations?!

Here is a tip. Do not laugh it off or try to be very witty. It usually does not go well in any situation in any country. Stereotyping is not something that was invented in this century. It has been happening for millenia!

Fifteen odd years ago, I made a remark that went something like "let me do the Indian rope trick or get on my elephant and go find out for you.." and it really rubbed the other person the wrong way! When I found out that the other person really believed that sterotype and the history books in China actually teach them stuff about India in a certain way, I was horrified.

Today's history and geography books in the east and west are probably teaching the kids a view of the other side that is not entirely true. Recently heard on the radio that there is less than 18 pages of total material in history and geography texts in the US about China. That is right, 18 pages for 3000+ years of history! Equally sure that the 200+ years of American modern history is seen as something that doesn't count as history in the true sense of the world. Yet an American very close to me taught me that it is not the number of years of civilization that matters, but what has been accomplished in those years. We would have arguments and he would come up things like "it took you guys almost 400 years to get Independence from the Brits and we did it in 200" and that would send me scurrying to the history books.

The best way to deal with it is to explain in a short sentence that their belief is not supported by real data and leave it at that. Remember, if you are visiting another country, you DO represent your country. Even if you have changed Citizenship, this still happens and you constantly end up reminding yourself and others of your nationality, and it doesn't get through!

As the world shrinks and communication is supposed to shrink it further as the years go by, we grow farther apart with myths and the blurred lines between real and real life which give us more organized sterotyping!

We can only hope for a better world, where more people are eager to learn about other cultures and do get to learn the truth, by traveling as opposed to a jaundiced and censored lesson provided by the press, governments and movie houses!

Happy monday folks!

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Aaalum Velum palluku urudhi

What does that mean?

(it means that your teeth get stronger if you brush it with twigs from certain trees .. Pipal/Neem to be more specific)

You see, people in the villages in south India used to use twigs from these trees to brush their teeth. Western medicine has finally caught up with the twigs and rumor has it that there are neem farms in Florida where medical research is coming up with neem extracts for curing gum diseases. Now, that is one instance of a natural product that helps dental care. But there are other issues with this.

I tried brushing with a neem branch when I was 5 or 6 years old and did more damage to my teeth than good! While the chemicals in the neem twig are medicinal, twigs are pretty rough on the teeth and gums. Colgate and Binaca toothpaste (or Margo Neem soap for that matter) made it the best of both worlds! As you have probably figured out by now, this post is going to do a 270 degree turn and veer far from the neem twig freeway!

If you are a regular of this blog, you probably know that it sticks 80% to "a naturalized American from India, raising kids in the USA", "how to get the best of both worlds", "how to deal with the worst from both worlds" , etc.. and the other 20% is posts on events that affect the blogger and his family like Bailouts, Voting, travel issues etc.

By now, you have also heard me complain that there is a blatant double standard imposed on Indians who live abroad for the most part, by telling them that they have no right to say anything that could be interpreted as negative. Apparently only people who "live with the problems" can say "where is the problem?" or "we have a problem", and it is some kind of right that has been "earned"!

Now what has this got to do with "Aaalum Velum..."?

This phenomena of "you don't live here anymore, so go mind your business" is true of anyone who leaves a place to go live elsewhere, and is one of those Anthropology things for all I know, and chances are, there are detailed paragraphs in Manu sastra which tell you about this!

Sarcasm apart, my dad tells me that when their family left the village to come settle in Madras (this was 60 odd years ago), they would get the same treatment when they mentioned things like "antibiotics", western medicine (vaccinations), etc. when they went back to the villages and they would see people die of causes that had preventive cures in the City!

They would get the "aalum velum pallukku urudhi" lecture, blown to extraordinary proportions from the guys who never left the village.

It was just funny to see the problem is a universal one (the people, the settings, the issues may be different) which has nothing to do with George Bush, Oil Wars, American Capitalism, Indian culture, etc. etc. All those are just detractors used to argue the "Protectionist" logic. (If I find a good book that deals with this subject, will let you know. Worse case, when I finally retire, tired and broke, a long time from now, will write a book on this topic with the same title as this post and hopefully make some money! After all, universal topics have great readership.)

Fast forward to thirty years ago! Similar things happened to my FIL who decided to graduate from IIT Madras, and go settle in Bombay because he got a really good job there, where he felt he made a difference. He got married to a Tamizh girl, they had San while they were in Bombay and when he would come back to Madras and tell people of how things are "done differently in Bombay" and seem to work for the better, he would get a different version of "Aaalum Velum..." except this time the reasons would be tradition, Tamizh culture, lack of Agraharams in Bombay etc. etc.

Now fast forwarding to the last 13 years or so (ever since my first trip back to India after coming to the USA to study), the same thing happens to me. I get that same "you are an outsider" treatment (this has been irrespective of F1/H1B/Green Card/Citizenship). All I am allowed to do is send money to repent for making that choice to go abroad to study, then work, then raise a family, be some kind of emotional punching bag for the near and dear ones when they see all their problems, as being due to the most energetic person in the family, not being around to do all kinds of errands, from getting Pachchai Milagai from the local grocery store to standing in line for Milk coupons.

Even got a lecture once along the lines of "sundaram, viralukku eththa veekam dhan daa irukkanum.." (Sundar, a finger should only swell to the right size.). What is implied is that if one finger in a hand grows too long, then either the finger has to be cut or the whole hand is to be cut as it will become useless. The translation was, that the average family wanted me to be an average guy so I fit in. So any suggestions to change anything would be considered as a finger too long!

Things have changed a lot, now that everyone in the family has visited the USA or some other country over the years and the advent of the internet penetrating the households. These days I even get sympathy from family when people misunderstand me, things in the USA, how somehow I am responsible for all of GWB's actions, the Iraq war, rising prices etc. They somehow understand that my getting to vote and voting for Obama is taking a stand for issues! At least the ones who understand correct the ones who don't.

Us vs. Them is not a new concept. It has existed for ages, be it in the east or west or anywhere else for that matter, with a varying demographic segment!

Used to end a lot of conversations with "the world is shrinking!". Do not know if it is shrinking or just segregating into a lot of little pockets, like milk that curdles in front of your eyes or blood cells that segregate into little pockets on a slide when the CSI agent puts that special reagent on them, each drop unable to merge with its nearest neighbours*.

Do not know what my girls will go through a few decades from now. What will be the centerpoint of the argument over which they will be taking sides? What will be their choices? Will have to live and see where all this is going.

For the interim, the blogger and this blog are doing to take a resolve to increase the % of lighter side of life posts. It is better to have face to face discussions with folks.

The internet seems to be a wrong medium for a lot of topics.

See you all around!

For now, this blog takes a break from seriousness.

*In 1993, an undergrad student complained to my department head asking that I be warned for using the word "neighbour" when I corrected his Materials 101 exam! He was apparently offended by my spelling and his claim was that he was studying in an American University and he did not have to be corrected on his answer with a "British" spelling. So much for Us vs. them!

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Corruption ?

Read this post by Sree recently. Was reminded of my own post, just after I started blogging !!

Guess things havent changed much in two years!

This post is not just about those questions. It is about the reference to the movie Guru!

Mani Ratnam has made a great movie, a real entertainer and I give him credit for it.

If you have watched Aviator, you cannot help but wonder if a few scenes from Guru have taken their inspiration from Aviator. Would especially point to the one where Leonardo or Abhishek sit down in front of the panel and they take a good look all the whirring video cameras, or the ones where both of them say "do whatever it takes to get the contract". Leonardo offers prostitutes, Abhishek offers a veiled threat!

The jist of Aviator(Guru) is that Howard Hughes (Gurukant Desai) wants to be the king of the Aviation(textile) industry in US (India) and eventually the world, and he has to fight corruption at the Senator(Minister) level to be just that. In doing so, he faces the wrath of the govenment, stockholders, competitors, and the press, then goes through an inquiry comittee and finally comes out with minor damages! In short one man fights against a system that tries to hold him down when he starts firing on all cylinders!

Aviator is more of a biography that focus on Hughes and his disease while Guru is a love story for the most part! So the movies have a look and feel that is very very different.

What is interesting is that :
Howard Hughes - Mid 1940's!
Dhirubhai (Guru) - Mid 1970's!

I do not think things have changed much in the USA or India in regards to the system! The only difference in my opinion is people in the USA are exposed to these corruption levels only if they are multi millionaries, trying to become billionaries. In India even the poorest end up tasting the system!

To clarify, you cannot bribe traffic cops or building inspectors in the US. People who represent the rule of law that an average citizen would normally come in contact! At least I have not heard of any instances. We do get stories of corrupt politicians who take bribes in all forms almost on a daily basis when we tune into public radio!! (Cunningham, Abramof stories, etc. etc.).
I guess in the US, "A bribe too small is not worth taking!!". (I like the way that just came out. Should trademark this Gandhimadhi style!).

As long as sparrows have existed, so have sparrowhawks!! As long as citizens exist, there will be politicians, a goverment by the people, of the people, for the people, that also screws the people if they challenge the government in any way!

SSDP an update..

Same Shit Different Place : An update from the previous post.

I was reading the links provided by the anonymous commenter on the area that is the center of the controversy over the new Chennai airport location. I also got an update on the situation of the immigration protests on a followup news item on NPR today!

This is Deja vu of SSDP in slow motion. You wouldnt believe the similarity of the way people are treated by governments across the globe and how people treat the government !! Maybe most of you readers are worldly wise to know this. But I can write about this because I am just growing up!!

Why the comparison ?

Apparently the people in Chennai in that area were encouraged by the local politicians and MMDA (Madras Metropolitan Development Authority) to put their life savings and build houses in that governmnent owned land! How could people build houses with their life savings in a land where they do not own "patta's" a.k.a "title deeds". Maybe I should find some spot in Madras and start building!! I thought it was the poor people erecting tatched huts (something that can be done in a day or two), but NO! There are brick and mortar buildings that would take months to construct. How could someone be so naive and build a house in land that they couldnt possibly own? And if they have been given some certificate by the government or its agency, they should be able to defend themselves legally against any attempts to evict them. But I am really torn because,
a. Today, the bad guys seem to be able to manipulate gullible folks with effortless ease!
b. These guys could have been led on by the same local politicians who are tryiing to make it look like they are protecting these people today!

Anyways, the links were informative. Next time please put your name when you comment.

Now back to San Francisco :

Apparently the IRS has set up a website, hotline so that the "illegal aliens" like a commenter pointed out, can PAY THEIR TAXES !! We dont want these guys in the US but we want their money!! These folks are paying their taxes to show that they are "law abiding" and they do it to win some brownie points with the INS in case they are legalized later! They actually played a piece from the automated IRS (Internal Revenue Service) which says "if you are unable to get a TAX ID number because you are here as a ....., do ....". The article also interviewed some dude who spoke in Spanish and said "no American wants to do what I do here. I have been working here for 10 years because of that". Then the reporter went on to say that if only these people could be legally brought into the US to do these jobs ("sheetrocking, painting, washing dishes in restaurants, etc.), there would be no issue!

I thought we get our news from the media. Looks like they will take alternate sides every other day on issues like this!! One day they will do an expose on the poor folk. The very next day on the government!

I will toss a coin for tomorrows news updates. In the meantime the lesson from this for me is "Governments will be governments, and gullible people will stay gullible! The poor (including the lower middle class today), will always get the shaft!".

I think I have finally figured out why I still have these takes on these "isssooos"! All said and done I have "lower middle class values", something that was pointed out a few years ago by a friend in the USA!! Now that will be a post for another day, when I am fully awake and in a good mood and can proofread before I hit the publish button!!

Acronyms and more..

YIMBY !

(Yes, In My Back Yard. I thought I was being creative and had coined YIMBY based on NIMBY. Went to WIKI and YIMBY is not just there, but there are YIMBY movements across the USA to bring affordable housing to certain areas !!)

The mouth watering goes on..

SSDP : (This one didnt turn up any WIKI hits. SSDD stands for "Same Shit Different Day". SSDP is Same Shit Different Place! (I will take all credit for coining this one). Why SSDP ?

Two different events in two different places.

Chennai:

We are flying from Chennai to Singapore on our way back, and they give us some Malay Straits newspaper in Tamizh. The newspaper was obviously pro Jayalalitha(opposition party) and was pretty much a government bashing propaganda machine. The headlines was about how the Airport Authority of India had spotted a location for a new Chennai airport but they couldnt go through with the plans because
a. some people had illegally erected huts in that location and
b. a political party called PMK had threatened to protest, move against the local government, etc. etc. they tried to evict those people or even try to relocate them and pay them monetary compensation.

I was planning to write about this, especially after my experience at the Chennai Airport where the place is operating at pretty much maximum efficiency just to keep the existing number of flights moving. If they add more flights in and out of the place, they will have to expand.

San Francisco :

Was listening to KQED (local public radio station) last week and the headlines ? A whole bunch of people protesting outside the Immigration office in San Franciso (Dept. of Homeland Security which encompasses the former INS or Immigration and Naturalization service). They were protesting the raids that have been taking place over the last 9 months where 13000 illegal immigrants have been caught and deported. The DHS says they are specifically targeting repeat offenders who are illegal and are involved in shady activities. The people outside are saying (and I kid you not):

"people are scared to send their kids to school or go to the local doctor because they are worried that they might be picked up by the DHS". If you are living illegally in a country, shouldn't you be worried anyways ? They were claiming the raids are a slap in the face of the immigrant community, especially after all the immigration reforms promised by the newly empowered democrats. But the bottomline is, legal vs. illegal!

Before the illegal immigrant community decides to flame this post, I would like to mention why I even put this in the blog. A couple of years ago, San and me were going towards downtown San Jose. The car in front of me was swearving, speeding and we could make out that it was either a bad driver or someone who was not aware of rules. Just while we were talking about it, the driver sped up to cross a light which had already turned yellow. Problem was that this was a light where the perpendicular road was a highway exit, that too at an angle and the people standing at the exit had already started turning. This driver went and hit the first car that came out, smack in the middle. The car spun a few times and came to a stop. The middle aged lady who was hit had to break open the window and get out. She was bleeding from all the cuts and bruises. San and me went to help her. The cops came and we were held as witnesses.

The car that ran the light was actually being driven by a lady. The minute she realized that she had hit the car, she ran out and the guy who was with her in the passenger seat went and sat in the driver seat. Later while we were helping the lady go to the ambulance, this guy walks up to me and says "please say you saw me driving the car!" and walked away.

There were other witnesses as well. All of us told the cops the same story! That the driver was actually the lady and had given a description of the lady. 10 minutes later the cop told us that she had been picked up and was an illegal immigrant and that is why the guy was trying to cover for her!! My take on it was that if you are illegal, by the very definition of the word, you have no respect for the law and you are going to be a menace to others intentionally or otherwise.

But Chennai or SFO, people who do things that are illegal, still think they have a right to do what they want and actually protest, strike, etc. and get to bully the guys who are actually trying to do their job. SSDP !!