Values and Limits
Saturday, March 8, 2008 at 12:22AM From a young age, when we were school going kids, we are taught values. Some of us can afford to forget those values. Others take those values seriously and retain them for a long time. These constant values have stood the test of time for the most part and chances are you remember them the same way your parents did when they were growing up.
Take for example the value of C, the speed of light which is 3x10^8 or N the Avogadro number which is 6.23x 10^23 or c the electron charge which is 1.6x10^-19 and many more! (What with the elections and all, you thought we were talking moral values, right? he he he )
Another important value that has newly ingratiated itself into our life now is B, the maximum limit in dollars that can be paid for a Bribe item for the kids without approval from the spouse!
The value of B is easy to remember. It is 9.99
This constant almost seems to have universal significance. (Err... in the US of A, Universal takes on a very different, localized meaning!) Almost every parent we know of that follows the two pronged approach to child rearing, seems to have converged on the same limiting value for B.
Now what is this "two pronged approach"? There is a very simple explanation.
A scientific study by Dr. Narayanöhe of the BOGUS Institute finds that at a fundamental level, there are only two control knobs available to deal with kids.
a. Bribes
b. Threats
This essentially summarizes the "two pronged approach".
There are only two variations within this approach, the study concludes:
1. Bribe first and if the bribe does not work, threaten later
2. Threaten first and use bribes as last resort
Depending on the economic situation in the household and the rebel coefficient of the kid involved, parents optimize to one of these two approaches.
Here is a Case Study. As a parent, you thought Toysrus would be a good time pass option, knowing very well that you cannot come out of the store without some spending. You have a screaming kid on the floor outside the Toysrus. Even if the kid knows that everytime you buy her something, she still goes into the default "scissor kicking and high pitched screaming" routine. Let's say she is asking for something which she will lose interest in, as soon as she gets out of the garage and goes into the house, but the value of said toy is under $9.99, you cut your losses and just buy it.
What if she wants the battery operated mini Hummer with a price tag of a few hundred dollars? Then there is the threat of her never ever getting anything from you. This is usually followed by a bribe worth, well, not more than $9.99. Case closed!
Note, there are always the borderline instance where the object at hand is worth 12.99 . The house rules clearly state that anything over the 9.99 limit needs spousal approval and a phone call is required to confirm the purchase.
Also the parents can sometimes make a sport (even a spectator sport) out of the TPA. The parent who can steer a kid from an object worth 299.99 to 19.99 then on to 9.99 and even beat that and get to 2.99 or 0.99 !!! gets bragging rights.
Tip1: (I might sound like a shampoo salesman here, but here goes) Volume, volume, volume. Kids think volume is better, at least mine do. So, if you can buy a huge ball of bubble wrap for a dollar, it is worth more than a box of Dora products with the same volume.
Tip2: Please do not share this tip with Toyrus Marketing Department or they will make Tip1 useless.
Now, what is your limit?
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Reader Comments (6)
The limit in our household is 0.00.
Why? We are the horrible parents who are not that embarrassed if their kids starts screaming. But the house rules are that any kid who throws a tantrum gets left in the car for a whole week of shopping trips ... Don't give in to the little monsters! :)
sundar:
you tripped me twice in one article. first i misinterpreted value, then i thought volume referred to decibel-level not cubic yards of matter!
cost of living is less in fl, limits are downgraded accordingly. we also happen to believe that, once in a while, getting physical is not such a bad thing.
lak:
we might adapt your rules, but need kiddo #2 to grow a little older to understand (long term) cause and effect better.
- s.b.
Lol :)
Of course the science geek has to mention the speed of light. Lol.
What you've caught on about your kids and volume is one of Piaget's fundamental theories. "Young children tend to fixate on a particular property of an object (such as the length of a row of checkers) while ignoring other properties (such as the number of checkers in the row). "
I believe Jr will soon move to the next stage . So might I suggest you come up with another equally brilliant scheme.:D
- Yeah, my parents refused to tolerate tantrums at the local toys stores as well. I think if kids know theres a chance or possibility that a tantrum will work they will continue to test it. But, if they realize a tantrum will NEVER work, they'll give it up. Consistency I guess, I learnt my lesson well at an early age. I wanted some Ariel princess barbie or something and threw a fit at the store. My parents refused to buy that toy for me even weeks later when I was being good, it was to serve as a reminder. I quickly dropped that tactic.
Same thing happened years later when they made me wait a whole year for pair of nikes I wanted(I'd moved onto something else by then) as well as when the cable was cut.
lak, we try to pick our battles.
if it is the public library, temple etc, just pick up the kid in one smooth motion and run out like a running back
s.b., we dont get physical. it usually backfires on us..plus I have bad memories of the physical part from when I was a kid. a promise made to myself from my childhood days.. avoid spanking the kids as much as possible.
Sivajini, for the first time, got feedback from someone with the kids point of view. what you tell us is totally encouraging. will try to follow what you and lak said. Going to go read up on Piaget now!
:)
have already spent an hour going through the links at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Piaget
and just fascinated..
this blog could soon become supplemental material for Jean Piaget fans..
:)
and my dad looks at my psych degree and can only think of Freud! *rolls her eyes*
I'm glad your finding Piaget interesting. There's a whole school of developmental psych out there that is fascinating.
might a suggesting skimming this as well:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Developmental_psychology
As for my personal anecdotes. Its a bit weird, I can relate to you but also your kids cause I suppose your trying to figure out and process raising kids outside of South Asia and my parents did that with me about 15 years ago
* shrugs*