The double red line

Everything in my life right now is linked to Yoga. Even this blog post. Not sure if this is true, but Gandhi is said to have mentioned that on a normal day you do your yoga and on a busy day you do it twice, or some such thing. Even if he had not said that, it makes sense!

The last week was a good one, because I did not fall sick. Nothing incubated inside of me after that Asia trip and ravaged me a few days later. The week felt like it had 10 days though. Sometimes you just get into that mode of improving your batting average at work and the more you focus on it, the more balls seem to come your way! It was that kind of week. On Friday, my voice started to crack. That is always an early warning sign for the impending aliens to put me back in bed. One thing leads to another and I am thinking.. "Hmm, I am behind on my yoga attendance and this may be the day to do two classes back to back". 

This is not the first time I am going to a yoga class twice in a day (did 4 over a 24 hour period two years ago with a good nights sleep thrown in) or doing two classes back to back. Usually, I look at the schedule and make sure it is not the "tough love" teachers in both the classes to pace myself and take a breath here and there when we get to the "I am definitely going to die on this mat today" part of class.

The first class was taught by a teacher who is from the "tough love" school. Her default is to kick my ass in class. Just at the exact moment, my head is filled with "best standing bow EVER!" she will go "Sundar, kick harder! you are not kicking hard enough" and I will be screaming inside my head going "that wasn't enough? that is all I got lady! Any more kicking and my head is going to spontaneously combust and you will have to scrape my smoking remains off the mat!". I would get the same feeling from when I was at the toll booth on 680, trying to collect every last quarter, nickel and penny in the car to make the 5$ toll, or risk a 27$ fine only to find that I am 17 cents short!  

All said, made it through the first class! After a quick internal debate with myself on the sanity of going back into the hot room, the side that said "why not? It cannot get any worse!" won. Drank a packet of Vitamins (and the 5g of sugar and electrolytes in it) and went back in. Took a nice 10 minute nap and before I could finish an evening dream of doing a better standing bow, the bell rang and the next class started. 

This time, I did not check the schedule to see who was teaching the two classes. Even if I HAD seen the schedule, it would not have made a difference. The next teacher who showed up, had taught me maybe twice before. Both those classes were overflowing with people and she didn't give me any corrections. This time was different. She knew it was my second class in a row...

If you have watched enough National Geographic videos, you will know that a lioness knows which gazelle is most likely to end up dead at the end of the short video clip, even before she takes the first step towards the watering hole. I was that Gazelle! Okay, that was stretching it a bit far. If you got visions of me gracefully moving through the savanah, let me stop you right there! The comparison is purely for the "dying at the end fo the clip" part. There was no grace, no strength or any sign of a fight left in me, or so I thought. It is one thing for the lioness to know which Gazelle.. but I wonder how the cameraman knows which one. He seems to pick it out with as much accuracy as the lioness.. and if a lioness and a cameraman know..why are the gazelles not able to know as well?!  Where were we? Too much Planet Earth in my head right now. Getting back to the topic...

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is like infinity and 1 is next to nothing, my strength was a 5 and flexibilty was a 3 during the first class. At the end of that class, my strength was a 2 and flexibility was  5! You become suddenly aware that bending comes easy and holding the bend is incredibly hard. 15 minutes into the second class, we are doing the first back bend and the teacher goes "you are already relaxed Sundar. Go for it.. bend!" and I went back in one smooth motion and didn't stop. Almost fell backwards after I could see the baseboard on the back wall! That is as far back as I have ever "back bended" standing up all these years.

Then I promptly panicked. The realization that there was not enough strength to get that heavy head and upper body back up hit me. Tried to come out of the posture immediately and there was a rush of blood from somewhere to somewhere.. and the next thing I know, was sitting down on the mat. For a few moments, everything was white and the teachers voice could not be heard. She was saying something to me but my ears shut down. There were an uncountable number of Jedi warriors fighting in my forehead with light sabres.. or was it an uncountable number of people using vacuum cleaners?!  Maybe it was Jedi warriers with vacuum cleaners?! It was hard to tell.

For reasons unknown to me or anyone else in the Universe (except probably my wife), I got back up and kept going. At some point the teacher mentioned she was picking on me to make sure I didn't go into "auto pilot" mode. Translation: "Not going to let you make it easy on yourself. It is my job to make sure you push yourself past that point". Went along with it and did my best ever, on a lot of poses in that class. There was some cramping, but came out of that as well and finished it still breathing. To an average Nat Geo cameraman, it might not have been very impressive, but I came out of that class alive and well!

After class we are having a chat and the teacher goes "I was going to pick on my fiance who was in the class. Didn't pick on him enough. Was trying to make sure you don't take it easy on the 2nd class". I told her "you don't have to say anything to him, to pick on him. You just have to look at him!. When my wife looks at me, I know one of two things...

a. I forgot to do something or

b. I did something wrong in a way it was not supposed to be done

a look is enough!"

Everyone had a good laugh and I started driving back home...

Isn't life like Yoga?! In the almost 19 years of married life, there are the same emotions you go through on the mat that get repeated over longer time frames outside the yoga room. Everything from elation to disappointment, but only fleeting because you know it is all good in the end! and there is the red line..

When San gives me that look, I know that the first red line has been crossed! Something has been forgotten or done wrong. Now it is a question of seconds.. the clock is ticking. If the mistake can be identified within those precious few seconds, sanctions can be avoided and wars can be off the table. Problem is when you don't know that you have crossed the red line. 

This could happen when you have screwed up on multiple fronts and are trying to figure out which one got you that look from your wife. You forgot to wash the dishes.. no, you forgot to put the clothes in the dryer..no, she is at her laptop with that look.. you forgot to print and sign that damn thing at work and our printer at home is out of paper or toner or you were supposed to tell your boss something or you forgot to file your reimbursement or .. or.. or .. your head spins as you try to correct any and all mistakes within those few seconds.. kind of like you try to correct that standing bow with the teacher staring at you.. 

What have you done?! not lock that knee? not stretched that hand? not looking at the right place? not kicking hard enough? The teacher is still going "Sundar.. come on?" They won't tell you, what it is that you are not doing for an agonizing second or two!

(had some fun just now with Jr. recording me doing a standing bow that  I used to do almost 7 years ago, almost 3 years ago and close to present day.. right after munching a lot of carbs while watching Superbowl with friends)

That is when you cross the "double red line"!  Be it home or Yoga room.. that is the "don't make me come there and show you!" look which by now elicits a Pavlovian response from me :

1. Hang down head in shame

2. mutter something to myself

3. realize that I was definitely in the wrong, given my track record 

4. find out if there is any chance to undo the damage real fast

At home, chances of undoing damage fast are a hit or miss, but in the hot room... we do everything TWICE! Thank god for small favors. So I do get to show that what is being said has been understood and corrected in "take two"!

As I write this post, have crossed three red lines and one double red line already. But it shall pass. When you are surrounded by folks who have your back, life is good!

Against all odds...

This is a Yoga post. Now that you know, it is also a 60 day challenge post.

Bikram Yoga San Jose (BYSJ) has a 60 day challenge every year in January through March. Recently we have a summer challenge as well between July and September. 

I have had the opportunity to take this challenge since 2013 and have finished 5 January challenges. I also tried the summer challenge two years ago and made 46 classes over the 60 day period with 3 international trips thrown in. Last summer, I didn't even bother to sign up. The same three trips were going to happen and doing a 60 day challenge in 42 days with 3 sets of jet lag thrown in was not practical. 

This year, I signed up. You could start any day from July 1st to 15th and from your date of start, you had to do 60 classes in 60 days. Before starting on the long Asia trip, put in my name on the sign up sheet and said "start date : July 15th". Came from India on 16th afternoon at 3PM and promptly went to the 6:30 PM class. Two 12 hour flights with a 4 hour break at Frankfurt on the tail side of the plane was killing my back. It was a good class from my French teacher who has a dark sense of humor. He cracked some joke about the challenge and I was not sure if he was being sarcastic or just practical. Came home thinking "let's put stickers on that board and see how far this goes". 

As it turned out, my family was still in India. So I went at 5:30AM and 8:30 PM almost every day and stocked up. Within a week, work pulled me back to Asia. This trip had a hospital visit in China thrown in thanks to a swollen eye. Managed to come back here without getting quarantined somewhere and my Kaiser doctor said "heat will actually help subside this swelling. you can go to hot yoga if you want". So kept going back to Yoga.

We were half way through and work pulled me to Asia again.

When my wife asked me "you are actually doing the challenge?" I sheepishly told her "I am already done with 45. I have 15 more to go. Currently 4 ahead, so when I come back next week, will be two behind. With your blessing over the next two weeks and a few doubles, I can actually do this!"

They were in disbelief. Given I did a lot of yoga after they went to bed or just before the kids went to bed or before they even woke up in the morning, they didn't realize how much yoga was happening!

Another week in Asia, but this time came back in one piece and healthy.

Once you are at 45 classes, the family roots for you and gets you going. So they let me get away with a few more doubles. Then came a shocker. I was 5 away from finishing and there was a chance that I might have to catch a plane over the weekend on day 58. Was definitely not going to stop with 57/60. So I did a few back to back classes on Friday nights and over last weekend and finished the challenge with two days to spare.

60 classes in 44 days, if you exclude the travel days and having to finish ahead because of potential travel. Odds were definitely slim, but there was some odds, no? When you thinks the odds are stacked against you, take those odds. Challenge it. Who knows, you might actually make it. If you give up before trying, you never know what is possible. That was the big lesson for me. 

Doing the yoga, working hard in class, breathing etc. are not the challenge these days. Balancing work, home, yoga is the challenge. Once I go through the double doors, I kill myself at every opportunity and try to find my new edge.  Have lost all shame when it comes to falling down.  Just focus on listening to the words and reacting with my body. I really don't give a shit what others think about my balancing anymore when I fall out. Just get up and keep going and tell myself two things:

1. I am there for me

2. every day is different

Getting to the yoga class is the hardest thing. Have done 195 yoga sessions this year by September and this has been the worst travel year so far in my career. It is true what they say. If you have time do yoga for 90 minutes a day. If you don't have time, then do yoga for 3 hours a day, because you need the yoga more than you need the time. It keeps your co-workers safe from your insanity. At least it does for me!

This time most of my classes were 8:30 PM. A quiet group of people who come to the last class of the day. Most of them tired and looking beat. Did make a few new friends at 8:30PM and we chat about the challenge and the Yoga few minutes before class. There is no "after-class" chats at 10PM.. everyone just rushes out, including me, which is understandable. 

Also had the fortune of meeting two new teachers. One of them told me in a class "be kind to yourself. don't be too hard on yourself. the one person who can take good care of you, is you!" That stuck with me. So these days while I do push myself, I back off if there is sharp pain of any kind. The other teacher said "you survived my class" and that was interesting. "I survive in every class"  was going to be my response. Turns out she survived breast cancer last year and the yoga helped her a lot. Was listening to her story and on my drive back home was telling myself "SHE is a survivor.. you are hanging in there after a long day. There is a big diffrence! Just go back tomorrow at 5:30 AM and get this done!" Both these teachers were amazing because they made the group work as one. They really focussed on everyone starting and stopping the poses at the same time. When you do that as a group, your energy level goes up and as a collective we do much better than when everyone is doing their own thing. 

While doing 60 classes in 44 days with multiple international trips thrown in, looks like a big deal because it is a "time management" issue, there is a lady who did it in 30 days. She just came every day for "back to back doubles" 30 days in a row and said "I finished". Apparently she also had a time management issue. 

It is doable if you can manage to push yourself. To all those people who are thinking of starting Yoga, or getting back into Yoga class, will tell you this. Just start and try a 60 day challenge. Put that first sticker on the board (we now have smiley face ones instead of stars!) and another one and another one. Before you know it, they add up to 60! 

The nerd in me has to do graphs and charts.. so here are three that summarize what a successful summer challenge looks like for me.

Weight.. the weight.. over this challenge and over the entire data tracking history..

it is stable over 60 day periods. other than that, someday will do a much more detailed analysis on this data to see what else is there to find. 

On a final note, this time I had to miss the 60 day Challenge party. Given it was my first time making it in summer, it was a hard thing to try and be at two places at once. My niece was doing her first solo performance in the bay area after her Solo debut in India over the summer and I wanted to go take pictures of her performance. She did not disappoint. Sometimes you are torn between two things and the yoga actually helps you come to terms wtih your decisions, even if that decision is to skip a yoga class or a Challenge party!

This morning I got my T-shirt for completing the challenge from Michelle..Michelle seems to have figured out how not to age! Have a picture with her almost every year since 2013 and she seems to be frozen in time while the rest of us age gracefully, but still age!

This was 2013! 

This was 2015.. (I have to find the rest of the pictures) 

 and this morning!

Have to learn how to do this "I care and I don't at the same time" thing she does. Sure it is her secret to not aging!

Next challenge is Januray 2018. If you read this and are intersted in doing the challenge with me, let me know. We can sync up class times and go cheer each other through the 60 days! It doesn't matter if you finish. Sign up and keep putting those stickers up.

In the meantime, the Yoga journey continues.. as do the travels!

The traveling Yogi

Got back to US last Sunday. Traveling again tomorrow. It is an interesting life when airports, lounges, planes become a routine part of your life. I spent more time talking to Uber drivers sometimes than people I love and care about. All this will change soon when some accomplishments take a grander stage. 

In the meantime, one has to do what one can to cope with this "lifestyle". My recent trip to India following a business trip, albeit short and sweet has 1000's of photographs and videos, great memories, places of interest, conversations with friends and family that went from sweet to bizarre. All great blog topics, but they have to wait.

In the last 7 days, my plan was to do as much yoga as possible to make up for the last three weeks and the coming week, have only home cooked meals and resist the temptation to eat out at least for this week when I am home and catch up on everything else.

The home cooked meal part was a success. . . 

I can now make a tomato rasam and a cabbage curry with reasonable consistancy. Cooking can be cathartic and have decided that from now on, will be subjecting the family to my cooking at least once a week. There was also some Podalangai Kootu (no pictures) that turned out very well! 

Cooking part was okay. The catch up on everything else was not. I did go to the hospital to get a wart treated and that kept me in an irritated state for almost two days. No pain.. but just plain irritation. Don't know who came up with the idea of treating warts with liquid nitrogen, but we should come up with better ways. This was my first wart and first such treatment. While it was interesting and funny when they did the treatment, it was not funny after I came home. Just plain annoying, like you have an alligator clip squeezing your finger constantly and biting into it. Then caught a bug from a co-worker on Thrusday to the point where my nose was blocked completely. 

Decided to go to Yoga class anyways as usual and things opened up a bit. Today my nose and lungs feel normal again. My morning class went so swimmingly well that I decided to go back in the evening. Both the teachers knew what I was up against and both of them promptly ignored it like good teachers do and proceeded to kick my ass. 

As usual learned a lot in todays class. Sometimes I think I have fixed a mistake only to realize that nothing has been fixed. Have a rule at work for myself and people who work with me. It is okay to make mistakes, but it is not okay to make the same mistake over and over again. Somehow that rule was not followed in Yoga class today. 

It is time to videotape myself doing some poses to see how I change from aligned to crooked. I check at the start of the pose and the guy in the mirror is perfectly aligned. When coming out of the pose, something has horribly gone wrong. Where and how this happens is a mystery that will soon be resolved. There is lot of time in hotel rooms and an iPhone camera handy! 

On a side note, I finally managed to get my hands on this book that was out of print for a long time "A systematic course in the Ancient Tantric Techniques of Yoga and Kriya" by Swami Satyananda Saraswati of the Bihar school of Yoga. It is by far the most comprehensive book on Yoga that I have come across. It is a Ph.D. thesis on Yoga and Kriya. It reads like one for sure!

My college library has records of how many people check out a certain book. My doctoral thesis was checked out only 8 times in the 10 years since I wrote it (that was the last I checked). Doctoral thesis make for dry reading.  Maybe this book while thorough and technical and detailed is lost on folks who are not into Yoga terminology and that is why it went out of print. Nevertheless, strongly recommend this book to get a perpective on why condition the body and the mind and the purpose behind it all. 

Will start blogging about our recent adventures next week. Until then, ta ta!

Four Trophies and a T-Shirt

After we finish the 60 day challenge at Bikram Yoga San Jose, there is a "Challenge Party" a couple of weeks later. Everyone who finishes collects a trophy and says a few sentences about what made them take up the Challenge, what they learned over those 60 days and their Yoga experience in general, especially if they are first time challengers.

This year was my 5th time finishing this challenge. Did share my thoughts on the challenge at the party.

The question that lot of you have asked me can be summarized as "you go almost every day when you are here? so what is the point of this 60 day challenge?" and the short answer is?

The challenge makes me realize what I take for granted. Normally if it it raining outside or if I have a fever, sore throat, too many meetings that go in late and are stressful, I have the option to say "will skip today and go tomorrow", but not during the challenge. Once that day is past and the last chance to go to class at 8:30PM is missed, that day is not coming back. 

It teaches you that when it is time to make a choice between having a dinner and crashing vs. going to yoga late at night or doing back to back classes over weekend to make up for travel, the tougher decision is the one you have to make when challenged. That spills into real life, when it is time to roll up your sleeves and do the right thing by your work or with your kids or family. 

This year, the trophies changed to a T-shirt. The family likes this move as they would rather see me in newer T-shirts!

 While colleting that shirt, had an idea to take a shot of me doing balancing stick pose (Tuladandasana) with the awards on my back wearing the new shirt. 

However, this is take 6/8 and it required the support of wife and both kids to execute. In class you hold it for 10 seconds. I had to do this pose for more than a minute and a half back to back .. guess the knee locking went to the dogs by take 6 and the leg is not as high as I thought it was and the head is not as low as is should be! Need to put a mirror on the sidewall of the new home studio to help me make adjustments.. 

There is no substitute for a mirror!

As a wise man once told me (translation : as Brad Colwell told me two months ago), "pain is temporary, but a photograph is forever!" . Should have done a few more takes.. but the folks got tired of having to place those trophies on my back within that 10 second window and take them back just when I could hold it no longer. 

I also had to put up with snarky comments after every take like "your posture sucks. Your leg is not up yet. why can't you just hold on a little longer".. I wanted to launch into a long lecture on "come and do this 6 times back to back and then talk .. etc. etc." but held back. I needed their co-operation and they were giving me their valuable time for this crazy idea of mine. So took a few deep breaths, smiled and said "please, one more try"!

See, the yoga helps!

Now for the usual graphs and charts. There was travel and bugs during this challenge as previous ones, but rain or shine (more rain than shine this year) and sickness or health, showed up and did the best I could. You can see that the last three years has seen me finishing the challenge with lots of doubles, thanks to travel. Sometimes I just wish to be able to do this yoga once a day and take that for granted, but you all know my lesson learned already.

This is the weight chart. Have to analyze this throughout the years to see trends. Within the 60 days, seem to go from a 150 to a 140lb range in last few years possibly because of Christmas vacation weight gain?! 

Here is the data since the excel data collection was more or less regular.. 

It has been stable more or less over the last five years and that is a good thing. 

Have made new friends over the years and during the course of this challenge and learned a lot more than "don't take things for granted". 

Definitely recommend folks to try this 60 day Challenge, even if you are new to Yoga. It is a morphing experience. You definitely start as a larva and come out a butterfly in those 60 days or something close to that, and you learn to assimilate a few things on the way and leave a few things behind as well that don't serve you!

On a side note, my wife never tried dancing but was my biggest critic when she watched me dance. Now we have three people who are armchair critics of my yoga poses. 

Sadly, they are getting very good at the critiquing thing and their points are all valid! 

So there is more to work on....

Pronate

Before you read further, this is a post on the yoga journey.

Two years ago, on a 10AM class, one of my yoga teachers told me during Eagle pose "Sundar, you are pronating your leg!"

The rest of the class was a blur. As a guy who is proud of memorizing the Barron's GRE guides vocabulary list, a and most of the words in the short Chambers dictionary (early 80's version), I was stumped because that word was not part of my list. Realized it had something to do with the angle of my feet but did not know the precise meaning. 

You know how sometimes you are driving to LA on I-5 and you are almost at Coalinga but you don't remember driving over the last 30 or so minutes and you think "I have been zombie driving thinking of other things.. what if I fell asleep with the entire family in the car? better go take a break and wash my face!" ? It was kind of like that for the rest of the class.

One  minute Mariaelena says "pronate" and the next thing you know, we are all on the floor, and I don't remember anything inbetween, other than how come I missed that word so far! It happens, people.. at least to me! 

After the class I asked the teacher what was going on and she told me that my legs were turned in and my body weight was not on my heel. It took me a year to consciously correct it. 

Few days ago, the teacher shouts from the back of the room "Sundar, your foot is turned in, not balanced!". 

My initial reaction was "no way. I know this is an issue and that is why I check my feet before starting the pose. it is perpendicular to the mirror. you can take a protractor to it".. but given this dude had a track record of being right, I decided to watch the second set. 

Started off with a planted foot that was straight. Then a funny thing happened. Just as I was about to raise one leg and put it on top of the other, my body leaned forward, my heel came off the ground and when I was done, the heel did not land where it took off. . . it had moved. My leg had "pronated"!

It can be frustrating to watch yourself in front of the mirror and face an obvious truth that what you think you are vs. what you are are not matching! 

This happens almost once a week when a teacher points out something to me. 

The big realization though was after class on the way home. I took that well. No frustration these days. A fleeting moment where you go "one more thing to remember" and then you think of it as another blessing and move on, knowing there is more chances to come and eventually this thing will get better.

My ability handle corrections has improved ! That means there is room for more corrections and that is a good thing.. 

Well as a social service to other students and vocabulary students. . . 

Pronate : turn or hold (a hand, foot, or limb) so that the palm or sole is facing downward or inward.

This weekend I better take the camera out and get some photos of me doing yoga, just to compare hwo things have changed over the years! It has been six years as of last weekend since starting yoga. 

So far it has been 1250 classes and I will give myself an A for attendance, B for trying, C for the actual output and D for listening.

The journey continues...