Three questions - many answers
Monday, May 11, 2009 at 10:20PM These are questions that are being thrown out there with no expecations.. this is like me shouting at the ocean on Marina Beach in Madras during one of those bouts of extreme helplessness..
The ocean just absorbs my loudest scream so effortlessly. All I get in return is a local sense of calm as the waves lap my feet.
Maybe this post will give me that same feeling. Writing a post and putting it out there on the internet, is in a lot of ways like shouting at the waves. Not that these questions need answering, but putting them out there might give a sense of relief...
1. Is there any mother out there who can go on a polygraph and pass when asked the question "do you love your daughter-in-law as much as you love your daughter?" and she replies "Yes"? (assuming she is not an ex-CIA mom who was trained to beat a polygraph..)
2. Is it safe for any woman to be a homemaker? Are there that many trustworthy men in this world who can be counted on, or should I ask "are there that many trusting women out there? In today's world it is even more difficult for a home maker to find employment (or get employed again after a long break in employment) than it is for a working mom to adapt to being a stay at home mom. This comment is not being raised in the context of the man leaving the woman, but was sparked by thoughts along the lines of the man having poor health, falling sick constantly and by extension, being a prime candidate for disability or death, leaving the woman to take care of the family.
3. Do long distance relationships have a higher chance of failure? Does this higher chance hold true for blood relations also? Is physical proximity a requirement for a blood relationship like a grandparent, parent, child, sibling or are those bonds like the frienships you form in high school or college. You haven't talked to a person for a year and you call them on the phone and you just pick up where you left off.. there is always a welcome smile and open arms. Is it like that for blood relatives? Does "out of sight, out of mind" necessarily translate to "permanently out of mind"?
The neurons fire badly and erratically this week. Hay fever and tylenol allergy sinus may not have much to do with it. The questions keep bouncing inside the head and for some strange reason remind me of a computer game we used to play a long time ago called Jeezball. You box a bunch of bouncing balls into the smallest pockets only to realize that the more you box them in, the more difficult it is to contain them.
The waves might lap at my feet or the unseen Tsunami might throw me over. There are plenty of real and virtual moms, mothers in law around me, working at a home or office and the first two questions are not with respect to anyone in particular. As most or all of you know, I have given up trying to understand women. As long as they understand you, you are fine. Maybe Moses did not part the red sea.. the red sea parted for Moses, the red sea being a lot bigger and all.. same logic.
Question 3 is part of some soul searching.
Three questions, many answers, not necessarily right or wrong answers, just many many different answers!
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answers, daughter in law, mom, mother in law, questions, relationship, women
Reader Comments (9)
sundar:
it is spelled jezzball, but my sister, my wife and I - all past addicts - pronounced it jeezball! ;-) btw, i recently downloaded it from a website. am yet to install it, but see countless non-productive hours ahead.
re: your question #1, a gynormous point of discussion in this household is why is there no strife between sil and fil? also, i guess a daughter that meekly accepts most things that a mother says, in the guise of a dil, might not be as accepting of her mil.
re: your question #2, that did not stop v.b. from taking a three-year hiatus after baab - you need to read my blog for details behind the name ;-) - was born.
i don't say that there aren't any exceptions out there, though i personally think that it is the majority.
now i excuse me while i don my flame-retarding suit.
- s.b.
sundar:
i would assume you've read http://online.wsj.com/article/SB118705537958296783.html?mod=todays_us_opinion" REL="nofollow">this ...
- s.b.
my different answer for ques 3:
blood reln or not, if the wavelength of two individuals match, the expectation(s) in the relationship is similar - then i feel the distance or frequency of comms doesn't matter. u r always 'in sync' with the other person. i guess this is where telepathy comes in.
yedho, my 2c. :D
Sriram
I quite liked the metaphor of shouting into the ocean and the ocean absorbing every sound !
I guess the oceans do it pretty well. For the sounds of your scream resonate very well with the screams from this side of the ocean as well !!
Well written. And of course, many answers ! Many answers indeed.
Regarding question number one, yes. My sister-in-law. She and her daughter-in-law are genuinely great friends. She's my inspiration for the role.
Question number two, god willing!
Question number three, I've met blood relatives after decades, after their infancy maybe, and received so much warmth just by virtue of our blood ties. My youngsters don't believe in all this though, they are very judgmental when it comes to blood ties:(
I'm sure I've confused you further. Get well soon, Sundar.
s.b., let me know how jeezball works for you.. heard that they never made a windows xp or above compatible version and it works only with windows 3.1
unless there is some cave with an old PC frozen somewhere ...
good luck with the suit as well. you have not said anything radical. read the link.. very interesting read..
sriram, telephathy is over rated. somehow it does not work as well as it should..
Kavi, thanks. as a fellow remote child.. can totally see why it would resonate with you..
we should start a group called the "remote child society"
Dipali, no.. you gave me another set of data to think about. looks like the views on long distance relations are generation dependent
:)
Hi
1. It can't be. Very rarely here and there.
2. Difficult to answer.
3. Agree with Sriram's answer. Still friends' can be connected instantly where we left, but not that way with blood R.
Get well soon !!
Don't laugh - Pl. try Oilpulling
To read more http://www.oilpulling.com/ (generally people don't believe in this therapy's floating around)
You can also research yourself in Internet, even though no modern scientific evidence available, but it cures many illness. i have tried personally (not similar to ur problem) but gave very good result.
Above all, it does not cost you much except 20 minutes in the mornign and one table spoon of sesame oil.
Sudharsan
From my experience - long distance does not work for 3 sets of ppl - blood relationship,friendship or dating. But on the contrary it works fantastically for in-laws relationships.
This would bring me to your first question - Long distance MIL and DIL relations work very well.
I am to become a MIL soon and you know what I was actually looking for some experienced suggestions on internet.
as many pointed out ,a long distance relationship do have some advantages, as it gives space to both individuals.
but too much is always too bad. for NRI DiLs tend to get used to the freedom that when even a short visit and advices during them make them go mad.
all said and done what am I supposed to be? a meek MiL or act an elder woman assigned to pass the stick to the gen next?