The weekend was spent in painting the little one's room. When she got her own room, she opted for a pink accent wall with light pink walls. I told her that the whole room will reflect pink off of everything but she was like "this is my room. can we please go with what I want?!". Having been through this exercise with all the women in the house, I just didn't bother to argue.
The room did turn out to be pink everywhere and she kept silent for almost a year and a half. Then she slowly started "termiting" me (she keeps asking till I have to give in even if I act like her request is not reaching my ears). Her room is "too pink" and there is not enough light to study (that was hitting me below the belt). So we need to keep the accent wall but take the three other walls and make them white.
The project was a success, with a lot of sincere and hard work from the girl herself, moving ladders, handing me the brush dipped in paint etc.. etc. We were both proud of the effort this morning when everything was done and we peeled off all the masking tape. The best part of painting rooms is when you peel off the masking tape and you get sharp edges on the walls!
My shoulders were sore. Also I didn't stop to drink water while painting which was a mistake. After the whole thing was finished, decided to drink water and sit down for some time. Then I thought instead of sitting down, why not try to meditate in lotus pose again and see if my focus has improved over last three months..
Turns out, it has!
Managed to sit still was close to 75 minutes. Will see in a few months if I can do this for 90 minutes. Sitting still for 90 minutes is equally difficult for me as doing a 90 minute yoga class where we alternate between asanas and shavasana. I always stuggle with Shavasana. Even in this attempt it was probably 15-20 minutes before I was in white space (or gold space) and around 50 minutes (the usual place where I give up because my legs desperately want to come out) there is some blues and greens. Don't know what the color trasitions mean but maybe someday I will understand.
When I came out my kids said "so you successfully wasted an hour?!". They should try this someday to know how hard this is.
If you have read the book "Thinking Fast and Slow" by Kahneman, you will remember the test he does with data from colonoscopy patients. The patients rate their experience of a long colonoscopy treatment that might have varying degrees of pain throughout the procedure, purely on the basis of the last few minutes of the procedure.. if the pain goes down towards the end, they say "not bad" even if the peak pain level was high or the average pain level over the entire duration was high! This apparently is explained as the experiencing self vs. the remembering self and also explains how folks are impressed with an other wise dull movie that has a fast paced ending in the last few minutes etc.
I just realized the same thing happens to me during hot yoga. During the standing series I start off great and by the time we are just past the 60% point, I have to catch up and really make an effort to breathe and concentrate and sometimes just stand in attention and focus and get back in. Then I give it everything while doing toe stand which is the last asana in the standing series. If I don't do well on the right side, push myself to do an even better job on the left side to get the series to a "happy ending". Even if I stood out for two or three poses during the standing series, I go down on the mat thinking "that was good" simply because of the toe stand.
Then the same thing happens during the floor series. As long as I come back and finish strong my brain evaluates my attempt on the class as "stellar" no matter how crappy I did during the early part of that series.
Looks like a happy ending and all is forgotten. The opposite is also true. Sometimes I give it all I got during class only to end up not doing a 100% during the last five minutes (hanging on for dear life) and even though nothing was missed, come out feeling not satisfied with the effort.
All this might just be the natural way a brain works between experiencing something through the class and remembering only the way it ended.
Behavior or not.. two things are for sure.
1. Going to keep up with the happy endings
2. Going to treat the second set of every pose as a mini ending in itself
Hoping that those will improve the practice!
On a completely tangential note with human behaviour...
It has been almost a month since I started doing this five tibetan rites thing as soon as I brush my teeth in the morning. It takes me 15 minutes to do the five exercises 21 times and while doing it, make tea for my wife. She thinks I have already finished drinking my morning tea. Truth is I gave up drinking tea in the morning to cut down the milk and sugar. Have tea only in the evening on some days. Have also reduced the amount of milk and sugar in the diet. We also switched to 50% white and 50% brown rice. I cannot give up white rice and milk on the diet. My stomach has indeed stopped bloating in the middle of yoga class. There is definite improvements in abdominal strength and forearm strength after doing these exercises.
A few weeks ago I went to say good night to the little one and told her
"I am cutting down on Tea and sugar and trying to eat brown rice and also cut down on milk products"
LO : but you love tea and thachchi mammu (rice with yogurt). that is pretty much all you eat?
Me : I know. But the brown rice mix isn't all that bad. Still drink tea every alternate day in the evening..
LO : rolls her eyes..
Me : maybe your dad is just an idiot ?!
LO : gives me a big kiss and goes "I knew that the day I was born!"
That took me by surprise. Just smiled and gave her a big hug. Well she knew an idiot as soon as she laid eyes on one.. Probably the first idiot she saw! I am happy to be that idiot in her eyes because I will always be "her idiot".
As an experimenter I am now upset. Was it the 5 rites ? was it the reduced tea, milk, sugar, white rice that helped? (also that book said to eat a meal with similar stuff only.. in other words if you eat bread eat only bread.. not mix with rice.. keep the meal to similar fiber contents) Not sure if that made the biggest difference. Always do one split at a time to evaluate the experiment. Use a control split. If you are doing a complex experimental design make sure you can analyze with good confidence and order your variables with decreasing expected impact.
I teach this to people everyday and in what has been a huge experiment on myself, fail to follow my own rules for experimentation. Now to figure out what made the difference I have two options..
Keep the diet and stop the 5 rites or the other way around..
So I am going to keep the 5 rites and go back to my old diet with tea twice a day, finish dinner with thachchi mummu and go back to white rice for a month and see if the belly reappears..
Almost a month ago, after coming back from India.. I started trying this exercise to backbend using the wall for support. Three of my yoga teachers helped demonstrate it for me and gave me tips. The advice was to try this after doing the class when we are already more flexible. Given I end up finishing the class at 10PM, it is not easy to stay back and try this. Usually have to come back home and call people across the Pacific.
Still gave this a shot around 20 times a day.. wouldnt go back all the way all 20 times, but would just stand at work or in meetings and just go "up and back" to try and bend my upper spine. Then come home and try this on the wall. Over weekends, would spend 30 minutes trying to do this with breaks.
It is interesting to see how much change is possible even with limited attempts.
The last clip was from last weekend. Then I had to travel. One single trip where you end up sitting for 12 hours can set you back a lot. I had a window seat reserved, but apparently this one had no "window". So I asked the ticket counter person to give me a window seat that actually had a view. He said "is seat 26 okay". I was tired and said "fine". turned out that this is the seat with the back to the restroom and that means it does not recline as much as the other economy seats and you get the added sound effects from the flush every 5 minutes. Given how tired I was, dozed off for the most part. When we landed, my foot would not go into my shoes! It was swollen! Managed to squeeze it into the shoes and made it home.
Given my panacea for all phyisical ailments is Yoga, went to yoga class right after coming home. The foot became normal again. Tried to do the back bend on the wall, bright and early on a saturday morning and I was back to where I was when starting this.
It has been 6 weeks since I stopped drinking water during Yoga class. When I started to give up water during class, thought that it was going to be incredibly difficult.
Over the last few weeks (did miss two weeks during travel) always thought that there will be that "one class" which would get me to run back to that water fountain outside the class. So far, so good.
Think my mind knows now that as long as there was a glass of water 30 minutes before class, everything will be fine a good 30 minutes after class is over. Like Mary Jarvis had predicted on the 18th of March..... "you will not die if you stop drinking water during class. you will be fine!"
This is like starting to drive a battery car for the first time. Initially you have range anxiety. You are not sure if you can go to a place and get back. There is always some variability on the mileage depending on how fast or slow you go locally, which in the Yoga room is equivalent to not giving every pose a 100% in a stupid attempt to "conserve sweating" which is actually counter productive. You know there is no "nearest gas tank" where you can fill up and continue on a battery car.. Eventually when you get the hang of the routes you travel and know your speed, you stop having range anxiety. You know you will be fine.
What is the worse that can happen? you stop on the side of the road and have to call AAA? You are exhausted on the yoga mat and the teacher has to drag you out by your feet? (well, that has not happened to me yet... but a teacher did joke to a first timer that they should always have their feet towards the door during class and when asked why, replied "that is in case you die here and we have to drag your body out. it is easier feet first towards the door"... the teacher said it with a straight face and everyone burst out laughing)
It has been an interesting month. Two weeks in Asia. First week on business trip, followed by a quick Chennai visit for my nephews "upananayanam" or "Janeu" ceremony. It was a great experience. I was the only one representing the four of us. My sister came as well and after four years my parents got to be in the same roof with all three kids even if it was only for three days.
My sister and me with parents, while my brother is performing the ceremony on stage in the background. The photo of the five of us was not taken on my camera! So I have to wait for it...
Did manage to take a shot of my mom with all her siblings. The last time I managed that shot was in 2005 when my Grandfather got married to my grandma all over again at the age of 80!
13 years later my uncle has lost a lot of weight and looks like a concentration camp survivor and my mom and aunts have all put on weight and have some kind of health issue or another. They are all smiling and going about their lives and while that makes me happy, wish they would all take up some form of regular exercise. Was giving them the "never too late, never too old, never too sick..." spiel but it did not go very well.
My grandma is still around and tack sharp!
As soon as I got back home, San and the little one went to India to represent the family at her cousins wedding. There was no time to catch up on social media or do anything other than manage to go through the routine while getting over jet lag. Made it to Yoga almost every night after coming back, even if it meant going very late in the night. Hats off to all those single parents who come to Yoga class. Now I know why they pick the late night class.
We had a lot of discussion during the India trip on the impact of my deciding to settle in the US, how time and space can be hard barriers, but how family still holds together thanks to culture and tradition etc. The thread ceremony marks a boy's commitment to learning the scriptures. My brother and myself had our ceremony at the same time and it was a big experience for me. Somehow the meaning of the word "responsibility" came into consciousness after that ceremony. Till then I was happy playing cricket with the boys and I-spy with the boys and girls in Sambandham street without any awareness of the fact that I was not going to be a kid forever. Glad there was a ceremony like that to slap you into life!
There is no such thing for girls and my mother was telling me that the next big function for me was Jr's wedding...
It was great to watch my nephew go through this experience and suddenly tansform into a big boy and start to learn.. with the Gayathri mantra! He has excellent pronunciation and hopefully he gets to improve his memory by reciting things by heart over time. If he keeps up the breathing exercise that is half the yoga done already!
Clicked this one right at the end of the function. The Narayanan family has successfully passed on a male tradition to the next generation! Looks like the boy has the weight of the world on his shoulders and he might as well have. Passing on a quest for learning and questioning and understandign go a long way to the betterment of the world. The most important thing one needs to learn is "how to learn". Everything follows.
Next will be time to pass on female traditions a few years from now..
I had an amazing time paticipating in a function after so many years in India, taking pictures, chatting with relatives, catching up, and most importantly playing with my nephew and niece.
Instagram filters were a big hit with my niece.. every 10 minutes she would come to me and go "Periappa, doggie ears photo pannalamaa?" Think we exhausted every filter..
During the INdia trip, I avoided a lot of things that are usual. Said no to "ghee" for the most part, restricted myself to "small portions" of food (as small as my mom would allow) and avoiding a lot of fried stuff. That actually made life easier after coming back.
Everything in my life right now is linked to Yoga. Even this blog post. Not sure if this is true, but Gandhi is said to have mentioned that on a normal day you do your yoga and on a busy day you do it twice, or some such thing. Even if he had not said that, it makes sense!
The last week was a good one, because I did not fall sick. Nothing incubated inside of me after that Asia trip and ravaged me a few days later. The week felt like it had 10 days though. Sometimes you just get into that mode of improving your batting average at work and the more you focus on it, the more balls seem to come your way! It was that kind of week. On Friday, my voice started to crack. That is always an early warning sign for the impending aliens to put me back in bed. One thing leads to another and I am thinking.. "Hmm, I am behind on my yoga attendance and this may be the day to do two classes back to back".
This is not the first time I am going to a yoga class twice in a day (did 4 over a 24 hour period two years ago with a good nights sleep thrown in) or doing two classes back to back. Usually, I look at the schedule and make sure it is not the "tough love" teachers in both the classes to pace myself and take a breath here and there when we get to the "I am definitely going to die on this mat today" part of class.
The first class was taught by a teacher who is from the "tough love" school. Her default is to kick my ass in class. Just at the exact moment, my head is filled with "best standing bow EVER!" she will go "Sundar, kick harder! you are not kicking hard enough" and I will be screaming inside my head going "that wasn't enough? that is all I got lady! Any more kicking and my head is going to spontaneously combust and you will have to scrape my smoking remains off the mat!". I would get the same feeling from when I was at the toll booth on 680, trying to collect every last quarter, nickel and penny in the car to make the 5$ toll, or risk a 27$ fine only to find that I am 17 cents short!
All said, made it through the first class! After a quick internal debate with myself on the sanity of going back into the hot room, the side that said "why not? It cannot get any worse!" won. Drank a packet of Vitamins (and the 5g of sugar and electrolytes in it) and went back in. Took a nice 10 minute nap and before I could finish an evening dream of doing a better standing bow, the bell rang and the next class started.
This time, I did not check the schedule to see who was teaching the two classes. Even if I HAD seen the schedule, it would not have made a difference. The next teacher who showed up, had taught me maybe twice before. Both those classes were overflowing with people and she didn't give me any corrections. This time was different. She knew it was my second class in a row...
If you have watched enough National Geographic videos, you will know that a lioness knows which gazelle is most likely to end up dead at the end of the short video clip, even before she takes the first step towards the watering hole. I was that Gazelle! Okay, that was stretching it a bit far. If you got visions of me gracefully moving through the savanah, let me stop you right there! The comparison is purely for the "dying at the end fo the clip" part. There was no grace, no strength or any sign of a fight left in me, or so I thought. It is one thing for the lioness to know which Gazelle.. but I wonder how the cameraman knows which one. He seems to pick it out with as much accuracy as the lioness.. and if a lioness and a cameraman know..why are the gazelles not able to know as well?! Where were we? Too much Planet Earth in my head right now. Getting back to the topic...
On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is like infinity and 1 is next to nothing, my strength was a 5 and flexibilty was a 3 during the first class. At the end of that class, my strength was a 2 and flexibility was 5! You become suddenly aware that bending comes easy and holding the bend is incredibly hard. 15 minutes into the second class, we are doing the first back bend and the teacher goes "you are already relaxed Sundar. Go for it.. bend!" and I went back in one smooth motion and didn't stop. Almost fell backwards after I could see the baseboard on the back wall! That is as far back as I have ever "back bended" standing up all these years.
Then I promptly panicked. The realization that there was not enough strength to get that heavy head and upper body back up hit me. Tried to come out of the posture immediately and there was a rush of blood from somewhere to somewhere.. and the next thing I know, was sitting down on the mat. For a few moments, everything was white and the teachers voice could not be heard. She was saying something to me but my ears shut down. There were an uncountable number of Jedi warriors fighting in my forehead with light sabres.. or was it an uncountable number of people using vacuum cleaners?! Maybe it was Jedi warriers with vacuum cleaners?! It was hard to tell.
For reasons unknown to me or anyone else in the Universe (except probably my wife), I got back up and kept going. At some point the teacher mentioned she was picking on me to make sure I didn't go into "auto pilot" mode. Translation: "Not going to let you make it easy on yourself. It is my job to make sure you push yourself past that point". Went along with it and did my best ever, on a lot of poses in that class. There was some cramping, but came out of that as well and finished it still breathing. To an average Nat Geo cameraman, it might not have been very impressive, but I came out of that class alive and well!
After class we are having a chat and the teacher goes "I was going to pick on my fiance who was in the class. Didn't pick on him enough. Was trying to make sure you don't take it easy on the 2nd class". I told her "you don't have to say anything to him, to pick on him. You just have to look at him!. When my wife looks at me, I know one of two things...
a. I forgot to do something or
b. I did something wrong in a way it was not supposed to be done
a look is enough!"
Everyone had a good laugh and I started driving back home...
Isn't life like Yoga?! In the almost 19 years of married life, there are the same emotions you go through on the mat that get repeated over longer time frames outside the yoga room. Everything from elation to disappointment, but only fleeting because you know it is all good in the end! and there is the red line..
When San gives me that look, I know that the first red line has been crossed! Something has been forgotten or done wrong. Now it is a question of seconds.. the clock is ticking. If the mistake can be identified within those precious few seconds, sanctions can be avoided and wars can be off the table. Problem is when you don't know that you have crossed the red line.
This could happen when you have screwed up on multiple fronts and are trying to figure out which one got you that look from your wife. You forgot to wash the dishes.. no, you forgot to put the clothes in the dryer..no, she is at her laptop with that look.. you forgot to print and sign that damn thing at work and our printer at home is out of paper or toner or you were supposed to tell your boss something or you forgot to file your reimbursement or .. or.. or .. your head spins as you try to correct any and all mistakes within those few seconds.. kind of like you try to correct that standing bow with the teacher staring at you..
What have you done?! not lock that knee? not stretched that hand? not looking at the right place? not kicking hard enough? The teacher is still going "Sundar.. come on?" They won't tell you, what it is that you are not doing for an agonizing second or two!
(had some fun just now with Jr. recording me doing a standing bow that I used to do almost 7 years ago, almost 3 years ago and close to present day.. right after munching a lot of carbs while watching Superbowl with friends)
That is when you cross the "double red line"! Be it home or Yoga room.. that is the "don't make me come there and show you!" look which by now elicits a Pavlovian response from me :
1. Hang down head in shame
2. mutter something to myself
3. realize that I was definitely in the wrong, given my track record
4. find out if there is any chance to undo the damage real fast
At home, chances of undoing damage fast are a hit or miss, but in the hot room... we do everything TWICE! Thank god for small favors. So I do get to show that what is being said has been understood and corrected in "take two"!
As I write this post, have crossed three red lines and one double red line already. But it shall pass. When you are surrounded by folks who have your back, life is good!
Sunday, June 10, 2018 at 3:27PM ;)
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