Conversations continue

Parents are in the kitchen while Jr. has just started eating breakfast on the couch. The little one wanders in to the living room with her blankie and announces "Daddy, your favorite person in the world is now awake!". Given the way she said it in a cute voice, I was as usual going to come in and give her a big hug. 

So I walk from the kitchen with a tea glass in hand. 

Jr. gives me a glare and a mean look and says "I knew it. See, she declares she is your favorite person and what do you do? come out with a smile?"

It has been an ordeal the last few weeks to literally prove to them that they are both loved the same. While Jr. is not trying to make a point, the little one has really been pushing it. 

Then I read out a post from my SIL that mentioned how their older daughter same down to breakfast and said she was feeling sad. When asked why, she had mentioned it was because her baby sister was sick.

The kids heard it and the responses were :

LO : Ooooh.. that is soo sweet! 

Jr. : She is making a terrible mistake. She just doesn't know it yet. She will regret it as the younger sister will turn into her worst horror! I know.. from experience!

The little one ignored it matter of factly like a fast ball outside the off stump, while the parents looked at each other and went "where did we go wrong?"

A few hours later there is a fight of sorts because Jr. has to go for some practice and she does not want the little one tagging along. 

Jr. : No. She is not coming. Why does she come to all my stuff but when I try to come with you for any of her stuff she protests?

LO: that is not true

Jr. : I am not talking to you. I am talking to Amma

LO : but you are talking about ME! 

Jr. goes on to ignore her and the little one shouts 

"I can go where I want to you know.. I have rights. This is America. I am not in India!"

Me and San burst out laughing. 

Me : Where do you get that crap from? You can go anywhere you want in India also. It is a free country. 

San starts counting the total number of weeks she has spent in India as a conscious person within two hands and we go "you have not been there much! why are you saying that?"

She said "Sorry! I said it as a funny thing." 

After much prodding and digging around it hours later figured out that what she wanted to say was this is free country. . but to emphasize she had to pick an opposite corner and she picked the only other country that comes to her mind automatically.  The logic of "if I am good, everything else is bad.. and if I have to pick an example of everything else, I go with my second favorite" made my head spin.

Trust me, these are kids that we work hard to have a world awareness. Something we find most kids growing up in the US to be lacking. In the last twenty years if there is one thing that I find surprisingly waning is the abiilty of Americans we meet daily to empathize with things that happen in other parts of the world. Blame it on the school system here, the political system or the media changing over time, but it is there.

It is funny that as kids we knew every US state capital as part of Georgraphy but many our friends here in grad school could not put even the four Indian metros on a map. Never figured out why that was? 

When all this was going through my head, was reminded of another recent conversation few weeks ago. Was driving the kids back from a saturday afternoon class when we were talking about their school.

Jr. : I think we should stop social studies as a subject in school

LO : I agree!

Me : why? you don't want to know what goes on in other parts of the world? 

Jr. and LO (at same time) : That is NOT what they teach in social studies.

Me : then what DO they teach?

Jr. : Things that have already happened before. Who killed who and who killed who back and stuff like that. Why do we need to know that. We only need to learn things that will help in the future. We dont need to know who we are supposed to like and not like! that does not help people to become one and work together

LO : I agree with her appa. What happened has already happened. we do not need to know people have been fighting all the time. 

They both had no problem with Georgraphy! They had a point. If our kids have a futuristic outlook and they want everyone in this world to get along, they see no point in all these dark reminders of the past! 

Maybe we should stop teaching history for a few decades in schools and see if conflicts across the world simmer down or subside.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could do an experiment like that in our lifetime?

Our kids constantly show us how their thought process is so different from ours, on a daily basis. It is good to watch and learn!

Just saying..

Daddy had just come back from yoga class, showered and was trying to get into equilibrium on the couch.

Mommy and the kids were watching some Tamil TV channel and a conversation started about an exercise class that mommy attended recently

LO : so what is so hard about this exercise you did?

Mommy : I had to sit down on the floor and move my hands to the other side while sitting.. (makes gestures on couch)

Jr. (gets down on carpet) : Tell me what it is.. I can see how hard it is

Mommy describes the move and Jr. does it and goes "that is easy"

Mommy : That is not easy when you have to do it many times and fast!

Then the little one chimes in with 

Amma, you are "Oh - El - Dee" and she is "why -oh - you - en- gee" ! Of course it is easy for her and difficult for you. 

Unfortunately I was deep in the corner of the couch and unable to escape immediately. thinking that any global catastrophy would be more welcome than what was about to follow in the next few minutes, I quietly slinked back deeper into the couch and opened my laptop to shield any direct eye contact with other house inmates and mom takes it in for a full second and says 

"unakku evvalo thimiru dee?" (which crudely translates to "how dare you" *10^27  with a wind chill factor given the look on mom's eyes) and the litle one calmly goes 

"What ? That is why I didn't SAY it. Didn't you see how I spelled it out so I didn't say it?!"

Somewhere something snapped and we all burst out laughing and we have lived to see another day!

A travelers observations.. and yes Happy Valentines!

It is 2015. The world is all connected and wired. Artificial intelligence can now recognize a cat from a picture and at the same time, a cat can get on the internet with his/her iPad! 

Yet, the world is not able to use all this connectivity and intelligence to move forward. For every advancement on one side, there is something else that forces humanity to push things backward and keep us going at the same average pace.

Take the USA. We now have gay marriages recognized in more states than 4 years ago and yet, women's right to choose and get basic contraception has taken a big step back in more states for the same time frame. Progress comes slow and steady. It is not something that happens overnight and it seems to be by design. Sometimes I keep thinking "god has a really great sense of humor"! We have on the one side folks who have worked so hard to eradicate diseases like Polio and Measles and now we have Measles parties apparently in Marin county and Polio is making a nice comeback in Pakistan. 

Now lets talk about the two biggest elephants in the room. China and India. These are large countries. Large populations and developing indigenous "stuff" helps level the playing field. 

Last time on a visit to Asia I saw the locals all sporting Jackets that said GAP, COlumbia or North Face. Anything else and you are not with the "in crowd". Folks are ready to fork out full price for iPHone 6's because it is a status symbol. Meanwhile here I am going bargain shopping at local alleyways. Now why does China work so hard to have a Baidu instead of Google, a Wechat instead of Facebook, a Youku instead of Youtube and a Redmi instead of an iPhone (okay.. that last one I like)? 

They are trying to keep everything within their family, plain and simple. It is easier said than done. Folks there want to drive BMW's and Lexus. They don't go for local brands. It is a question of currency and what you import vs. what you export. More Pepperidge farm cookies are making it across the pacific than Panda cookies the other way. 

Why bring this up? Western culture does not threaten the east and its people. It is the subtle threat of the financial impact of Westernization to the economy that is the bigger problem. Capitalism seems to have two tenets. 

1. If you are smart and or hard working, you can make it big in a capitalistic society

2. The more money you have the more chances that you will make even more money

The first one is what attracts folks who are at the bottom towards the west. You can take yours truly as a prime example. Come to the USA with 1000$ in borrowed money and we now live in Cupertino and have a great living standard. 

The second one does not work at every level. There is a threshold that moves to higher and higher $ amounts over time when that holds true. At a person level it does not make a difference, but as a company or a government it definitely holds true. Hence the scare or threat!

Valentine's day is always a tricky issue in India. Not because of the average Joe .. sorry the Average Ram or Rahim having anything against going out and having fun with their family on some pretext.  For the right wing folks it is seen as a "threat to their way of life". Now let me digress..

When my parents learned that I was ballroom dancing, they asked me to send them a picture or show them a video of what this "ballroom dancing" was. This was pre internet and youtube days. So I sent them a few pictures from a dance competition. 

The phone call that followed after the pictures reached was interesting.  My mom and dad was disappointed to see their lad holding girls in a waltz hold and the thing that was most frustrating to them was that I had the girl's hand inside my hand. That was puzzling to me.

So I asked "the fact that my body is against the girl or is touching is less offensive than my hand enclosing her hand?" and the response was interesting.

When you get married, your prospective father-in-law will give his daughters hand folded like a lotus flower and put her hand in yours. That is the first time you are supposed to hold a womans hand. Then it means something. Do you know in Weddings today folks who want to congratulate the married couple but have to leave early, go to the bride and groom and start shaking hands to wish them luck? That is so un-auspicious in the middle of the wedding ceremony. The priests in those days would stop a wedding if something like that happened.

I kind of got the "your hand in marriage" part and the "it is special if it is the first time" part. These are different days. Women work with men. They shake hands with lots of people. Men dance with women.. They hold hands with lot of women. That does not mean the "special" part is dead.

Our whole marriage happened in strange circumstances. I hardly knew San. Had talked to her for all of 20 minutes before marrying her. When her father gave her hand folded like a lotus and put it in my hand, I almost cried because my thoughts at the time were "I am sure to let this girl down. God help me fix this!" 

16 years later we are doing more than okay. My eyes still light up when she walks into a crowded room (or so the little one tells me) and she knows I breathe for her.  Lotus hand or othewise, no one knows why some relationships work and some don't. 

Now, this year we celebrate Valentines day without going out anywhere. I made Taro curry for Jr., and snake gourd kootu for San and she made my favorite rasam and Tindora curry for the little one. They are also letting me do yoga twice today to catch up on my 60 day Challenge backlog. Everyone seems to be happy so far. We have all said our "I love you"'s and are done with hugs and kisses for the morning. Was that too hard or too much to ask for?

Now, maybe if in India they create a day called "Radhe-Shyam day" or "Saavan ka pyaara divas" or some such local thing.. (a la Baidu) to coincide within a day or two of Valentines, then maybe things will work. 

Funny thing is when I mentioned that to a non desi American friend, he laughed and said "you have Holi!  It is beautiful. We all look the same when we are all colored and we get to hug everyone, put colors on everyone and celebrate. It is way better than Valentines day and I look forward to it every year and hope to get invites to some Holi party or other to take my family! "

The grass is always greener on the other side folks! As for the folks who threaten to force couples seen together on Valentines day to get married in India, they either have the IQ of a raisin or they are the ones that are caught watching Porn in Parliament. 

The US is not faring much better these days either. We have created a generation of kids in the last 12-13 years who have no tolerance for anyone who does not resemble them with respect to race, religion or language. A lot of them end up in roles that are supposed to "serve and protect" the general population and they are the last ones who should get those jobs. There are Chirstian Madrasas popping up all over the US and it is not much different from the Muslim ones in Pakistan or the Hindu ones in India.  

That said, the average population seems to be resilient and does condone the acts of the graduates of these short sighted institutions. Have seen people in the US condemn the killings in North Carolina, brutal force used against an old dad who was just walking around the neighborhood, people in India condemn acts of rape and forced marriage threats on Valentines day and the list goes on.

It is my sincere wish that the world take a step forward without taking two steps back when it comes to love, tolerance and valuing life in general. 

If we are taught that one life is better than another, there is no way we can appreciate life in general. Chuck Norris comes to mind again. 

We are now actively working on teaching our kids that every life is the same. It is harder than you think because we have unwittingly already taught them that it is not!  

That is another post for another day. For now, Happy Valentines day to everyone who cares to celebrate it. 

We should spend more time celebrating hugs and kisses in public instead of forced marriages, stonings and beheadings. 

Here's to a better tomorrow, here's to Love!

Yeah Yeah, it is another Yoga post...

The 60 day challenge is still on and right now I am 6 behind. There are days when even going to that one class per day becomes quite a challenge and surprise, I get to do a double. 

Then there are days where I go with two sets of towels and a bottle of gatorade to drink between classes, all planned for a double and the plan is abandoned after the first class. 

They say planning is three fourths done.. not in a Bikram yoga class. Plan all you want, every class is a surprise. Have made three sincere attempts to do a double and every time, have had to abandon it at the end of the first class.

Have you ever driven on a road, knowing that it has synchronized traffic lights, but you still get stuck at every damn light, because your speed is just slightly out of sync? That is how this one class was! "If only, if only the teacher gave me an extra two seconds to get my breath back to normal before the next pose" was the recurring thought through 50 minutes of a 90 minute class.

There are folks who show up in the Yoga room after running a full marathon in the morning and they breeze through the class. There is a lady who showed up there till the day before her baby was born and was again there in the hot room one week after delivery! I look at them with awe and use them for inspiration.

There is a big irony that keeps hitting me on a day to day basis. We say the world is shrinking and the internet has brought us closer and we live in a more "social" world. However the "social media" world that we live in seems to separate us more than unite us. It seems to be superficial. People project a life in social media. Not share their life. Everyone on Facebook seems to be living THE life. They have selectively chosen to share their joys, likes and upbeat status reports. That might be seen as a positive thing, but it is only one side of the story. 

I go to drop a happy birthday wish in the Facebook email, aka messenger and see that the only messages I have sent that person on FB is a happy birthday message, year after year! It is not that I don't exchange other emails with that person on gmail or meet that person one or twice a year, but our exchanges and interactions have been reduced to what seems to be, preprinted TELEGRAM messages (if you are not from India and are under 20 you may not get this reference). Next thing you know, Facebook will have an option to select a number and #2 will be Happy Birthday #3 will be "heartfelt condolences" etc.  It is almost getting there.

At the anniversary day at BYSJ, practically every class is packed. I decided to go to the 4:30 PM class and there was more than a 100 people in the room! At least it felt like it. Literally mat to mat! Before the class started the instructor said something nice. He wanted us to say hi to all our nearest neighbors. I had not met or spoken to any of my five nearest neighbors and it was nice to introduce myself to a bunch of "strangers".

It was a great class taught by a very funny guy. Some things stuck with me. He said "stretch your hands up, palm to palm grip, and if you see there is a gap between your palms in the mirror, ask yourself.... WHY?"  We were in another pose and he said "you might have just lost the will to live, but the class must go on.. so push your stomach forward" . We all laughed. Laughing is sometimes the best way to get your breath back. So these days I have a perpetual stupid grin on my face, and it seems to be helping!

There are also some other funnies that seem to stick in my head. One teacher shouts out "grab your elbows each other! If you cannot grab your elbows, GRAB YOUR ELBOWS!".

Another one says "let's get ready for Cobra pose. place your hands on the mat, five fingers together. Align your thumbs with your nipples and press down". This was by far the best and shortest description of the set up that actually clicked for me! It was so simple. No mention of the deltoids, shoulders, etc. etc. where you keep what, figuring out if your hands are too far in or out, etc.  Was wondering why other teachers didn't say that! Then again, what works for my brain, might be a distraction to someone else, who knows?!

There is another teacher who is new this year. This guy does something unique. When the class is about to end and we are in the last breathing exercise, he progressively dims the light and turns off the lights altogether while we still have 10-15 breaths to go. There is a magical effect that happens (at least to me) in the following sequence:

1. I see a shillouette of me and all the folks immediately around me in the mirror. Just the outlines, kind of like when you adjust the highlights and shadows to the extreme slider bar on Photoshop! 

2. Then I can slowly see the details in the shadows. The faces are now recognizable. 

3. This then gives way to seeing only the people and the background goes dark.

4. There is a bright glow around the people. It is like seeing a Thermal image of the folks in the room and they give off a heat signature

5. If I try to focus on the mirror instead of "my reflection in the mirror", I can see a HALO around my head and some of the others.. just like you see in pictures of any god in India! (examples here, here and here and here yes, if Charlie Hebdo was in India, chances are they will draw Mohammad with a halo as well..) 

First I was thinking it is just the natural process of your dehydrated eyes going through a highlights/shadows adjustment.. but that did not explain the halo, only the outlines.

Maybe your eyes get to see near infrared after the yoga class and we all get some x-men type powers, was the alternate thought. In the five classes he has taught me so far, five for five he has done this light dimming and in all those classes, have seen the halo! Not sure if others go through the same experience, but it would be interesting to find out. 

These days I do go a few minutes early before class and talk to people, encourage them, get encouraged in turn and that helps. Every person has a story and they are happy to share their stories. Yoga has now become some kind of therapy when it comes to being social! 

In a world where we are all supposed to be closer, it takes very little to say hi to a stranger and strike up a conversation. My kids might not even have that ability the way they are going. Two kids in the same room texting each other. Their ability to smile only in emojis makes it tragic. 

On the bright side, a Facebook friend started a movement of sorts asking everyone to pick up the phone and call or go meet someone they have wanted to talk to for a long time, but never made it. That made me think..

Why are you so happy about talking to strangers, when you don't have time to call or meet your friends over the years?! 

That will be the focus for the rest of February, as the Yoga continues!

Conversations at home

Have been helping the little one with her school project. It is a timeline on Amelia Earhart which involves making a timeline, drawing pictures and doing a speech. 

She is using a 100 page book from the Biography series. Tonight we were talking about this at bedtime ..

LO : I really tried reading the Auto-Biography Appa. The first section was sooo boring. Only the last few pages were interesting where she sets records and then gets lost!

Me : It is not an "auto" biography.. it is just a biography. Auto means "self" as in someone wrote about themselves

LO : I could totally write an autobiography of 100 pages

Me : seriously?! 

LO : Yes. It is going to be awesome. It will be all about how awesome I am!

Me : Really?!

LO : It better be awesome if I am going to brag about myself for a 100 pages!

Me: !!!!!!

This is a very special girl.. 

Someday I really hope she gets to write her "auto"biography and all the 100 page bragging has some real stuff behind it.