Out of time, out of place

Conversation with Jr. while driving her back from class

Me: did you know that your cousins and uncle went to a high school football game ? Apparently it is called a .. 

Jr. : Homecoming game.. I know. Do you know why it is called a homecoming game?

Me: No. 

Jr. : (starts explaining something about games, winning, losing, parties, etc. etc.) and sees my eyes glaze over in the rear view mirror and asks "do you know what a homecoming is?"

Me : No.

Jr. : didn't you have any school rivalries when you went to school?

Me: No.

Jr. : Didn't you have homecoming games?

Me: No.

Jr. : thinks for a second and goes "okay. let's start with the basics. Did you go to high school?! "

Next time I have to start steering the conversation in a different direction.

The "Vrath"

The last 7 days was a self imposed ban on all news feeds. Don't want to say "internet" because I still had to work. There was no listening to the radio, no watching TV programs, no facebook, twitter, amazon, youtube.. nothing. 

Started is last Thursday and went back to the internet this afternoon. It was an interesting experience for so many reasons.

First, did not know I was this addicted to my phone. How it got to this point over time is beyond me. The first two days, there were severe withdrawal symptoms. You see the damn icons on the phone and you have to resist the temptation to click it. It was a lot more difficult than originally anticipated.

Second, I have been shutting out the outside world thanks to this addiction without even realizing it. On Friday morning drove to work without turning on the radio. It was so intense to sit in the silence of the car and hearing the occasional sound that would reach through the closed windows. It was eerie because it was not the "usual".

At lunchtime, I had to look at the food, savor it and eat it. It got to me. So I went and sat with a bunch of colleagues and ate lunch with them for a change. Usually I eat lunch in my office and read the news and the food doesn't go in well as most of the news is negative. Enjoy my lunches now as the smiles of coworkers! For someone who was a very social person, this is a shock.

Later in the week, got to watch Jr. practice saxophone and the little one practice her violin. Instead of listening to them while simultaneously fiddling with my phone, it was an interactive practice. They were amazed that I was actually noticing things all this time inspite of fiddling with the phone. I was surprised by that too.

Every night we watch either "baby photos" or two 5 minute clips of  "How its made"  where the kids pick the item being made. We skipped it because of the Vrath (Vratham as it is referred to in Tamil.. aka Fasting). The one week without internet-news thing was given the name Vrath.. as daddy was "fasting" from the internet of sorts. The kids thought I could have made an exception there, but I didn't want to do it. One minute you are watching "how its made" and next thing you know.. there is something about Syria and the congress clowns that takes your blood pressure through the roof. So stayed clear to maintain the promise.

Finally, when I got back to the news today, it was like nothing had changed. India still looks like it is turning into Sierra Leone from the blood diamond days with a rise in child warriors, politics is still the same, people still talking and arguing about guns, abortions, gay rights, expensive medicines, etc. etc. Given all that, the last week of abstaining from news somehow made me numb to this today. Looked at it for a second and just closed it. Now that there is a realization that none of this matters, just simply closed it and moved on. It sounds simple but it is not easy. I could not do this before. Maybe something was or is still wrong with me, but it took this trial to let things go, news wise. 

The FB feed and twitter feed were a similar story. I did watch a few clips from the daily show in the last hour and laughed.. but that is twisted in its own way. Initially you laugh and later it gets to you. The daily show is like eating my grandma's vaththa kozhambu. When you mix it with rice and taste it, it is divine, but once it reaches your intestines, no amount of buttermilk is going to calm your ass for what is to come. Once in a while she has tricked me with that. Yet again, I digress. 

Starting today, excluding Netflix watching, there will be 1 hour maximum of internet a day and this will not be at lunch time either. It will be after kids go to bed. Deleting all social network apps on the phone as well. 

For someone who does Yoga every chance he gets, I have been feeding my mind crap all this time, outside the yoga room. It is not okay to eat healthy and do yoga and go back to feeding the head with all the negativity, thanks to the phone and internet. Need more positive things in life.. 

Wish me luck!

A new tank

Earlier this morning, Jr. and me realized that the fish tank needed cleaning. She volunteered to help. So we started. 30 minutes into the thing when we were cleaning the gravel, a sharp stone (which had been recently added to the tank by Mommy and the little one) came and hit the glass and the tank broke!

Given the fishes were all in a small bucket and all the cleaned parts were all over the bathroom floor, we had to act quick. So went with the kids to the local Petco and got a new tank.

The kids agreed to come with me to Petco on one condition. They get to go shopping for what goes inside the tank as well. The replacement tank was 15 bucks. They shopped for ornaments and plants for another 50 bucks! Given this tank was bought during 4th of July in 2005, thought it was time to give the fishes some new furniture!

The old tank has seen its share of ups and downs, and we now have 6th generation fishes living in the tank. 

We now have the new tank all setup and the fishes are exploring their new decor. Hope they like it.

They were talking among themselves about Yoga theme in the house and thought they had picked a Buddha. At the counter, they told me "no appa. it is Zen Girl ! that is why we picked it!"

Zen girl looks pretty good to me!

Had other plans for the day. Go biking with kids, get some sun, etc. This turned out to be equally exciting.

A polarized world

The last two months have been very depressing. Lots of work, travel recovery, news in general, a busier schedule for the kids as school and all their extra curriculars start off full swing and all these made the bags under the eyes more pronounced and dropped my energy level to an all time low. 

It became noticeable to the point where wife and kids pushed me out of the house and said "why don't you go to yoga class?" That was a clear signal that something was way off. They said that at least for an hour after coming home I was a little chirpy. (that used to be 4 hours after coming home!). Got a doctors appointment last week and told my doctor "wife and kids are saying I am moping around all the time and my energy level or interest level in anything and everything is going down rapidly".

The doctor said I was physically very fit. My blood pressure was excellent as was my blood oxygen level. A blood test for a bunch of things was checked off to see if there are issues related to metabolism etc. etc. While I did not understand the jargon, went for the test and got the results. Turns out my Vitamin D levels are off the charts this time on the low side and that is directly related to being depressed. I did have the same issue three years ago but it was low, not this low. 

Going to walk in the sun at least for an hour with short sleeve shirts or no shirt if possible every day, take prescription Vitamin D and check again in few months. That takes care of one part of the problem.

The kids extra curricular schedule has been juggled to the best of our ability, some classes have stopped, others combined to multitask with groceries, yoga class drives, conference calls that can be done while driving long distance to drop kids off in class etc. etc. That will hopefully help in the coming months

The last part is the "news". I interact with "news" once in the morning and evening listening to NPR during work and home drives. Check google news headlines once during lunch and the rest of it is from watching Daily show or Colbert report (now watching previous nights show online at dinner time of Trevor and Colbert's shows). Also watch John Olivers Sunday show on one of the weekday nights at dinner time.  Everything I hear in those interactions is downright depressing. 

It almost appears as though the sane folks have lost their voice and the extreme loonies are the only ones left screaming from the rooftops. 

Forget the war on drugs and the war on terror. My opinion is that there is a war on facts and data right now. Have a lot of data points that say it is not just opinion, but a fact.

There is a lot of fear mongering out there which is pitting people against people on almost every issue. 

You turn on the news and it is all about Immigrants, refugees, war, weapons and discrimination. Some of it is not even news. It is a bunch of folks peddling outright misinformation on national channels. How they are able to do this with impunity with no consequence is beyond me. They should be prosecuted for hate crimes and treason because the misinformation they propagate is actually not in the interest of the country or the people watching them.

Having lacked Vitamin D and being lost in thought all the time, one thing keeps recurring. The basic ability to put oneself in another's shoes seems to have become a rarity. The people who do not have the ability to reason out things seem to have a louder voice than the folks who can ask the repeated "why?" and dig down deeper. 

How do you reason with the unreasonable? That is a tough one. 

Had a long rant of a post on faith vs. religion and what is going on in the US and India with all the Islamophobia and if there will be any reprieve for the folks in the middle east. It was about how poor muslims and sectarian minorities in local geographic areas get screwed over by richer muslims or western countries. The post in itself was so depressing to read that I deleted it. 

There are still a lot of good people in this world that can move it forward. Working on raising two that will hopefully join that category. First thing to work on is to teach them that faith in something (preferably themselves) is a good thing. Next thing to work on is to teach them that religion is a crutch not an asset. Think they are already on the right path on some things but they are fanatical about Apple. So have to wean them off of that. 

Enough with the rant. Onwards we move.. and to post something positive to make up for all this negativity...

Today I learned the difference between having your "chin touch your shoulder" vs. "cheek touch your shoulder" and what a big difference it makes! A post on that later.

A lot of difference, a letter does make

Master Yoda : Do. Or do not. There is no try.

Master Yoga : Try, not do. There is only try

For someone who is a fan of Yo(d,g)a this is like being in the twilight zone.

One is dealing with the willingness to start something and the other deals with a continous process where it takes a long long time to see results. 

As most of you know, I had signed up for another 60 day challenge at BYSJ three months ago. No one at home really wanted me to sign up during summer as they knew our social calendar was busy and they told me upfront... "no doubles". They were also trying to give me a reality check saying "you are going to miss three weeks to  three different international trips. what are you thinking?"

It was not that they thought doing two classes in one day was tough for me. They could not spare close to 4 hours a day of my time on the weekends I was here. 

Having signed up, used sticker time and conversations with friends to do the best I could. Would do yoga in the morning and catch international flights, would come back after being awake for 36 hours to do yoga, go anytime possible during days I was here.. there is a long list. But in the last 10 days, it became clear, that no amount of doubles could play catch up. So it was 46/60 this time. 

We went to the Challenge party to listen to inspirational stories of those who finished. Folks dealing with early alzhimers, brain surgery recovery, doing it as a birthday present for their spouse, signing up to encourage friends, covering the challenge over 7 different studios and last but not least, a teacher who has been doing Bikram yoga once a day for the last 6 years without a break! It was a truly humbling experience for me and the kids listening to these stories.  

Jr. came home and said "I would like to write a guest post on your blog about how the 60 day challenge is actually stressfull for the persons who live with the person who does the challenge.. it is like you are one of those guys who drinks alcohol and they cannot stop drinking.. you go to one class, then you have to keep going.. and we have to see you spend more time at yoga on weekends". 

I promised my kids that the best lesson from this Challenge and the party was different from the previous ones.

- learned to accept that sometimes you finish challenges and sometimes you do not. Trying makes all the difference. if you can look in that mirror and say "I gave it all I got" and can accept yourself, that is a big deal. the person in the mirror is the most unforgiving of the lot.

- there is always another challenge coming

- did spend time with the kids on the last two weekends doing only one class a day instead of trying doubles. It was a conscious choice and the right one. 

The challenge from my own family has been to do at least 200 classes a year. Have 33 more to go this year. The last 90 days of this year has many more trips, holidays, festivals, school events etc. in the offing. We will see if the 200/year challenge is a success.

One other thing to mention. After coming back from those long flights, I used to walk into the yoga room feeling like the Ra character in Stargate who keeps getting younger after going into a special chamber, or those assasins in the "Wanted" movie who would be all shot up, go lie in a bath of molten waxy stuff and magically wake up with all their wounds healed.

Hot yoga is like soaking in a bath of Iodex (we used to use it for pain relief as kids in India.. it is Bengay and Voltaren all mixed in one) for 90 minutes. Came out feeling a lot better than when going into the room on every occasion.

That has been the one constant in an otherwise varying educational journey. Every day is different, but always felt better after class than before!

A heartfelt congratulations to everyone who finished the Challenge! Will see you at sticker time on the next one. 

Eventually, there will come a time where I can stick to a schedule and do Yoga everyday. Eventually....